Anonymous
01/28/2024 09:59
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:Two sides to every story, y'all, and we are just getting one of them here.
I'm surprised that I seem to be the only person here that thinks maybe OP actually is a horrible person and parent and is such a narcissist that she really doesn't even know it?
This is exactly why therapy was invented. You are seeing only your own experiences in everything in life. There is zero reason to assume OP is a horrible person and parent or a narcissist. That is crazy of you to make that assumption. You need a therapist. STAT.
Anonymous
01/28/2024 09:54
Subject: Re:DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:Not saying you are controlling, but I was raised by a very controlling mother. You don’t need to worry about cutting her off—if you are controlling, she’s already making plans to ensure she doesn’t need you. I knew I needed to get away from my mother when I was 16. I earned great grades to ensure I had college opportunities. I worked and had student loans in college (700 miles away from her) and have worked and supported myself ever since. Not needing her is incredibly freeing. If none of this applies to you, then dismiss it as teenage nonsense.
Why in the world would you post this? Those who cut off their own families are not healthy people and this shows. Everything -- EVERYTHING -- is about your own childhood trauma, which gets posted all over DCUM. Very weird. There is nothing about OP's post to suggest she is controlling.
Anonymous
01/28/2024 09:48
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:Op I like the suggestions that you respond by saying I'm sorry to hear this, I love you, I'm here to talk about it. Etc
She's a high school student right? So, obviously she'll be back home at the end of the semester. In the meantime, make sure you're being honest with yourself. Was it really out of the blue? Is there something she's been upset about (that is unrelated to the things you listed)? It's so important for you to try to acknowledge the thing she's upset about instead of saying "yeah but I was great in so many other ways!"
There's also the issue of parents who like to play dumb and act like they have no idea why their child is upset when the child has been telling them all along what the problem is. Just don't be that parent.
Presumably this is a college student, since op is posting in the Adult children forum, and high schoolers don’t usually do semesters abroad.
Anonymous
01/28/2024 09:43
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Op I like the suggestions that you respond by saying I'm sorry to hear this, I love you, I'm here to talk about it. Etc
She's a high school student right? So, obviously she'll be back home at the end of the semester. In the meantime, make sure you're being honest with yourself. Was it really out of the blue? Is there something she's been upset about (that is unrelated to the things you listed)? It's so important for you to try to acknowledge the thing she's upset about instead of saying "yeah but I was great in so many other ways!"
There's also the issue of parents who like to play dumb and act like they have no idea why their child is upset when the child has been telling them all along what the problem is. Just don't be that parent.
She's a high school student right? So, obviously she'll be back home at the end of the semester. In the meantime, make sure you're being honest with yourself. Was it really out of the blue? Is there something she's been upset about (that is unrelated to the things you listed)? It's so important for you to try to acknowledge the thing she's upset about instead of saying "yeah but I was great in so many other ways!"
There's also the issue of parents who like to play dumb and act like they have no idea why their child is upset when the child has been telling them all along what the problem is. Just don't be that parent.
Anonymous
01/28/2024 07:57
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t cut off her phone but if you are putting money in an account for her to access, skip the next deposit. When she says “Wtf?” Refer her to her text. Then just wait.
I really do not understand answers like this. For anyone who cares about a person and values a relationship, any relationship but particularly that with a child, how is the answer not: 1 make sure they are OK mentally, do some self-reflection, and have a conversation to work it through?
Anonymous
01/28/2024 07:53
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
I wouldn’t cut off her phone but if you are putting money in an account for her to access, skip the next deposit. When she says “Wtf?” Refer her to her text. Then just wait.
Anonymous
01/28/2024 01:22
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:I’d text back “I’m sorry you feel like that. I love you no matter what.” Maybe she was drunk?
I would do this as well. Don’t just ignore it
Anonymous
01/28/2024 01:02
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:If this is out of the blue and out of character I would be concerned she did not write it.
Just being honest.
Agree. Follow up with her for sure.
Anonymous
01/28/2024 01:01
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:I’d text back “I’m sorry you feel like that. I love you no matter what.” Maybe she was drunk?
This. You are not alone. Most parents of teenager girls have similar experiences. Soldier on.
Anonymous
01/28/2024 00:50
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I know how hurtful teenage daughters can be.
You sound like a great mom.
Of course don’t threaten to cut off her funds or your love…
When she is calm and alone, maybe share how her text made you feel, and ask that she can be kinder in her communications moving forward. You certainly deserve that.
Absolutely don’t threaten to cut off her funds. Actually cut off her funds.
Parenting isn't a transaction.
Paying for your adult kid to study abroad isn’t parenting, it’s a nice extra that you are voluntarily providing for your offspring. The offspring is not entitled this type of payout, and if you allow them to think that you owe them the world regardless of their own behavior, congratulations, you’re contributing to the decay of western society.
I don't understand why people even have children if this is their attitude.
Some of the people posting in this thread have helped me understand why “affluenza” is a thing now…
Anonymous
01/28/2024 00:49
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:Two sides to every story, y'all, and we are just getting one of them here.
I'm surprised that I seem to be the only person here that thinks maybe OP actually is a horrible person and parent and is such a narcissist that she really doesn't even know it?
If that’s true then the adult daughter should cut her off… including not taking her money.
Anonymous
01/27/2024 22:47
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Two sides to every story, y'all, and we are just getting one of them here.
I'm surprised that I seem to be the only person here that thinks maybe OP actually is a horrible person and parent and is such a narcissist that she really doesn't even know it?
I'm surprised that I seem to be the only person here that thinks maybe OP actually is a horrible person and parent and is such a narcissist that she really doesn't even know it?
Anonymous
01/27/2024 22:15
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’d text back “I’m sorry you feel like that. I love you no matter what.” Maybe she was drunk?
+1
Yes this!
Anonymous
01/27/2024 22:15
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:Ignore her text.
Are you paying for her to be there?
Stop.
Cut off her phone. Ie suspend service.
Car insurance cut it off.
Not OP. WTAF. Her daughter is in ANOTHER COUNTRY and you would cut off the only way to communicate with her, the only way she can communicate with others in an emergency??! You’re sick.
Anonymous
01/27/2024 21:59
Subject: DD Semester Away: I hate you
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I know how hurtful teenage daughters can be.
You sound like a great mom.
Of course don’t threaten to cut off her funds or your love…
When she is calm and alone, maybe share how her text made you feel, and ask that she can be kinder in her communications moving forward. You certainly deserve that.
Absolutely don’t threaten to cut off her funds. Actually cut off her funds.
Parenting isn't a transaction.
Paying for your adult kid to study abroad isn’t parenting, it’s a nice extra that you are voluntarily providing for your offspring. The offspring is not entitled this type of payout, and if you allow them to think that you owe them the world regardless of their own behavior, congratulations, you’re contributing to the decay of western society.
I don't understand why people even have children if this is their attitude.