Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

OP here. Have you done this for a MONTH? I think not. Our kids are very young, and we were advised that boxed food would be better. We all got super sick during the last trip. Please let me know what we can do to make our trip easier... I planned how to make this trip easier for months.. there is only so much you can do. His family doesn't live close to a big city.. there isn't a lot of shopping and restaurants around... going out to restaurants and using a supermarket is a newer concept here...

I hear ya OP.

I think bathing out of a bucket 🪣 for an entire month would equate a second form of hell for me!

I would be so angry that your husband never cautioned you on the way things are in his country…I would definitely discuss it w/him because it was disrespectful of him to not tell you these things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

OP here. Have you done this for a MONTH? I think not. Our kids are very young, and we were advised that boxed food would be better. We all got super sick during the last trip. Please let me know what we can do to make our trip easier... I planned how to make this trip easier for months.. there is only so much you can do. His family doesn't live close to a big city.. there isn't a lot of shopping and restaurants around... going out to restaurants and using a supermarket is a newer concept here...

OP, you sounds really spoiled. You actually sound a lot like the "children of immigrant" american kids who go back to visit their parents home countries and then freak out at the differences.

I'm, one, by the way. I've used buckets to bathe for a month at a time. If you do it right, you actually get much, much cleaner than a typical shower. I agree that when it's cold, bukcet baths are harder.

It's all very good for your soul. You will survive. You may realize you need less.

Another child of immigrants here who agrees with this. I used to spend 2-3 months every summer in my parents’ home country and there was no running water, no AC, no supermarkets, etc… It has really made me appreciative of all that we have (and take for granted) here in the US.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

OP here. Have you done this for a MONTH? I think not. Our kids are very young, and we were advised that boxed food would be better. We all got super sick during the last trip. Please let me know what we can do to make our trip easier... I planned how to make this trip easier for months.. there is only so much you can do. His family doesn't live close to a big city.. there isn't a lot of shopping and restaurants around... going out to restaurants and using a supermarket is a newer concept here...

I was born and raised in India. Although I have lived here for the vast majority of my life (35+ years), when I go back, I still bathe with a bucket and a mug. NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. My DD, especially when she was young, actually enjoyed playing in water that way. You can 100% get clean this way.

If you share where in the world you are, I bet people will have suggestions for what you can do to make this more pleasant. In general though, you may have to cook food. There are no parts of the world where you are going to get sick from eating hot foods, especially prepared at home.

Do you understand that it’s easy for you to take a bucket bath since you were ‘born and raised in India?’ For many of us born and raised in the U.S. it can a shock to be expected to bathe using a just a bucket and having no proper shower. It was for me when I went to visit India (my DH’s country) for the first time at the age of 30! I had no idea how to take a bucket bath and felt far from clean afterwards.

NP. But OP has been there before. So how could it be a shock second time around?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

OP here. Have you done this for a MONTH? I think not. Our kids are very young, and we were advised that boxed food would be better. We all got super sick during the last trip. Please let me know what we can do to make our trip easier... I planned how to make this trip easier for months.. there is only so much you can do. His family doesn't live close to a big city.. there isn't a lot of shopping and restaurants around... going out to restaurants and using a supermarket is a newer concept here...

I was born and raised in India. Although I have lived here for the vast majority of my life (35+ years), when I go back, I still bathe with a bucket and a mug. NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. My DD, especially when she was young, actually enjoyed playing in water that way. You can 100% get clean this way.

If you share where in the world you are, I bet people will have suggestions for what you can do to make this more pleasant. In general though, you may have to cook food. There are no parts of the world where you are going to get sick from eating hot foods, especially prepared at home.

Do you understand that it’s easy for you to take a bucket bath since you were ‘born and raised in India?’ For many of us born and raised in the U.S. it can a shock to be expected to bathe using a just a bucket and having no proper shower. It was for me when I went to visit India (my DH’s country) for the first time at the age of 30! I had no idea how to take a bucket bath and felt far from clean afterwards.

I guess I should be really thankful for my SIL who is so little drama, a bucket bath didn't ever come up in any conversation. Or my child who has never complained, despite being yes, born and raised here. Or my nephews and nieces, who also never have, despite being born and raised in the developed world. Or my cousin's wife, who also never complained despite never had a bucket bath before she went to India. Point being, you can kvetch, or you can adjust and have a good time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

OP here. Have you done this for a MONTH? I think not. Our kids are very young, and we were advised that boxed food would be better. We all got super sick during the last trip. Please let me know what we can do to make our trip easier... I planned how to make this trip easier for months.. there is only so much you can do. His family doesn't live close to a big city.. there isn't a lot of shopping and restaurants around... going out to restaurants and using a supermarket is a newer concept here...

I was born and raised in India. Although I have lived here for the vast majority of my life (35+ years), when I go back, I still bathe with a bucket and a mug. NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. My DD, especially when she was young, actually enjoyed playing in water that way. You can 100% get clean this way.

If you share where in the world you are, I bet people will have suggestions for what you can do to make this more pleasant. In general though, you may have to cook food. There are no parts of the world where you are going to get sick from eating hot foods, especially prepared at home.

Do you understand that it’s easy for you to take a bucket bath since you were ‘born and raised in India?’ For many of us born and raised in the U.S. it can a shock to be expected to bathe using a just a bucket and having no proper shower. It was for me when I went to visit India (my DH’s country) for the first time at the age of 30! I had no idea how to take a bucket bath and felt far from clean afterwards.

You should have visited where he grew up before getting married. Just divorce now. You will really freak out about him taking your money to support his relatives

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you did zero research before going??

This is on you or you are a troll

She grew up in the US.. most Americans have no idea there are still countries without warm shower water.
Her husband should have informed her about this. That's really sh*** of him.

Which is why when bubble dwellers here in the US start scream that the US is a third world country, those of us that have travelled extensively just roll our eyes and laugh.

Don't take for granted how well we live here.

This is mostly a DH/communication problem. Your DH is being stupidly stubborn on some issues (like not travelling for food). He needs to accept that his American family is more Western than his relatives might be used to. Guess what - they'll adjust to it after some surprise (and maybe even some annoying comments)!

It sounds like he's very insecure or self-conscious about appearing too Western. Which is dumb because he's the one that married out and he probably is fine with his lifestyle 95% of the time.

Anonymous wrote:I think posters don't realize depending on what type of area you are in, you simply can not just go out for a stroll by yourself as a woman. It sucks but there is very little mobility for women in some countries and it is a safety issue.
This is why her husband should absolutely do everything he can to make his family comfortable particularly if they have means. Showering with a bucket or not eating well for a week is very different than doing it for an entire month.

The not eating well (outside of ordering pizza) seems to be more of a choice. The food is too spicy for her? Willing to bet they have rice in Bangladesh. Eat more rice, less of whatever is spicy. Solves that problem. She can probably do some cooking, and just eat steamed veggies if that's her preference. They have lentils. Boil with salt, and it's not spicy. So many things she can do to solve the problem instead of whining.

There are entire billions of people showering with a bucket. It's not the most glamorous way to bathe, but gets the job done. This is OP being a drama queen.

I would absolutely never go there again.
I took one trip to visit DH’s extended family in a vaguely similar fashion. Not nearly as bad as what you are describing though - we had running hot water, temperature was fine. But the same thing about not knowing the language and they would absolutely not let us go off on our own - I only sort of spoke the language and DH didn’t at all, we are both white and they cited safety concerns. The lack of food was super frustrating. They would eat small meals at times I wasn’t accustomed to, and we weren’t allowed to go to the grocery store. They were up late and up early and napped all afternoon, but I couldn’t sleep then. I just remember being exhausted and starving and bored the entire week. It was miserable to be an adult and yet not in control of any aspect of the trip. And this was before kids! So I have never gone back! It’s not DH’s parents who live there, more of a complicated extended family situation, but I do not want to spend vacation days and a lot of money for a miserable trip.

Since your situation involves visiting DH’s parents and much closer family and it’s where DH grew up, you may not be able to just never go again. But I would definitely would lay down limits. One week max, followed by a week at a fancy hotel or resort in a city in the same area of the world to justify the long flight. One week is plenty of time for the kids to get to meet people and see how their dad grew up. And only every 3 years. Maybe you can fly DH’s parents out to visit you sometimes. And you get to bring as many suitcases as you want!!

I think posters don't realize depending on what type of area you are in, you simply can not just go out for a stroll by yourself as a woman. It sucks but there is very little mobility for women in some countries and it is a safety issue.
This is why her husband should absolutely do everything he can to make his family comfortable particularly if they have means. Showering with a bucket or not eating well for a week is very different than doing it for an entire month.

What I hear coming through is a conflict between the idea that marriage is a union of two families, rather than just two people. Much of what OP has issues with seems to be the husband wanting to maintain close association with extended family abroad, not hurt their feelings, not show off (which might also be read as not be perceived as a moneybag and soft touch), afford longer stays than might be possible with hotels, etc.

Most couples run into something resembling this fundamental issue, usually early in their marriage. I’m firmly in the camp of marriage being two people joined together, with all other prior relationships taking a back seat. I can’t say I started out there or that adjusting to it as my new reality was always easy, but in the end I think the marriage needs to come first.

PP’s have made good suggestions, but I think OP and her husband need to work this conflict out, perhaps with some help. She needs to value his family relationships and attachment to his country and culture of origin. He needs to put her first, take account of her needs and preferences and not simply treat her as another piece of baggage along for the trip.
Some of the family members abroad might be supportive, but I wouldn’t count on it.

Sounds miserable. I would have refused to go after one visit. I do not compromise on hygiene or food.

Anonymous wrote:Definitely sounds like India

Do they have pizza restaurants in India?

All I can think of is this video:

https://youtu.be/386iVwP-bAA?si=-8MzBapDIjz7Qqux

But seriously OP. If you’ve been there before why didn’t you plan better? Look for a holiday inn ya know on the internet before you went??