Anonymous wrote:We have a similar struggle with our nanny. We give her guaranteed hours and we pay her even when she greatly exceeds her allotted sick and annual leave time off.

We love her and so we try to ALWAYS accommodate her, but we are not rich and at a certain point it’s hard shelling out such a massive expense when the alternatives would be much cheaper.

BUT, our DC is deeply attached to her and I cannot imagine separating them.

There are so many advantages to having a nanny but in a weird way one of the downsides is that you do become enmeshed with each other and they are like part of your family and I don’t know how we properly extricate ourselves from this arrangement someday because we can’t afford this expense forever.

OP here and yes, hard to imagine our lives without our nanny. We don’t have family nearby and she has been a very stable presence in our lives. My kids love her and she is great and loving with them.

I have started wondering if it’s time for us to look for a different type of care. I thought about getting an au pair to expose my kids to different people and also to save money, but I am scared of regretting the change TBH. We have always been very helpful and accommodating with the nanny. We helped her kids with college application, helped her husband find a job, found her more work for some of the mornings, etc.
she has a very large extended family and has had to take a day off here and there for baptisms, weddings, parents illness (her mom was also really sick a couple of years ago, etc.). But she never took more than 2-3 days off at the time and we have always been able to manage taking time off from work.

This time however, on one hand we can’t take time off from work anymore. Kids get off from schools between 3 and 3:30 and have activities until 5:30/6 most days. I have meetings always/often around this time and can’t just miss them for weeks. On top of that, I wonder if we can keep justifying this expense and whether we should consider reducing her hours (not sure she would stay) or finding a cheaper solution for picking kids up and driving them to activities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a similar struggle with our nanny. We give her guaranteed hours and we pay her even when she greatly exceeds her allotted sick and annual leave time off.

We love her and so we try to ALWAYS accommodate her, but we are not rich and at a certain point it’s hard shelling out such a massive expense when the alternatives would be much cheaper.

BUT, our DC is deeply attached to her and I cannot imagine separating them.

There are so many advantages to having a nanny but in a weird way one of the downsides is that you do become enmeshed with each other and they are like part of your family and I don’t know how we properly extricate ourselves from this arrangement someday because we can’t afford this expense forever.

This sounds scary as someone who is contemplating hiring a nanny. Such a tough situation because of course you want the kid to be securely attached, but then it brings problems too

Not OP but I would think of it as like an aunt type situation, that you’re paying of course. I love the bond my nanny has with DC and it allows me to be 100% at my work - which is what pays for the nanny anyways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny did exactly this and then once she was there had some convoluted reason she needed to extend by 2 more weeks. Then she came back and was a changed person, forgot to pick up one of the kids from preschool, etc. we ended up having to fire her.
Why not have her do this while you are away in the summer?

Umm, she is taking her mother home to BURY her. My god, the entitlement in your post.

Unbelievable. Her mother died.

Most jobs have at least a few weeks of bereavement leave.

Well, that's definitely not true.

I get 3 days.

+1. I also get three days.

It's offer a paid week of bereavement leave and explain that you are going to need to pay for backup care so you can't offer the full period paid, but you support her and she should take the time she needs.

Anonymous wrote:We have a similar struggle with our nanny. We give her guaranteed hours and we pay her even when she greatly exceeds her allotted sick and annual leave time off.

We love her and so we try to ALWAYS accommodate her, but we are not rich and at a certain point it’s hard shelling out such a massive expense when the alternatives would be much cheaper.

BUT, our DC is deeply attached to her and I cannot imagine separating them.

There are so many advantages to having a nanny but in a weird way one of the downsides is that you do become enmeshed with each other and they are like part of your family and I don’t know how we properly extricate ourselves from this arrangement someday because we can’t afford this expense forever.

This sounds scary as someone who is contemplating hiring a nanny. Such a tough situation because of course you want the kid to be securely attached, but then it brings problems too

We have a similar struggle with our nanny. We give her guaranteed hours and we pay her even when she greatly exceeds her allotted sick and annual leave time off.

We love her and so we try to ALWAYS accommodate her, but we are not rich and at a certain point it’s hard shelling out such a massive expense when the alternatives would be much cheaper.

BUT, our DC is deeply attached to her and I cannot imagine separating them.

There are so many advantages to having a nanny but in a weird way one of the downsides is that you do become enmeshed with each other and they are like part of your family and I don’t know how we properly extricate ourselves from this arrangement someday because we can’t afford this expense forever.

Anonymous wrote:I have had a nanny even longer than OP and this is what I would do.

Let her use whatever PTO is still left for this year and then allow her to take the remainder of the time requested as unpaid leave with a guarantee of employment upon return. OP currently pays her a FT salary for 20 hrs a week. Nanny also receives 2.5 months a year paid while OP is on vacation. That is a generous amount of paid leave. OP can use a combination of temporary paid childcare and family help to get her through the month.

Thank you. This is what I’d like to do. She has been wonderful for our family, but as you said, we have also been nice in return.

I have had a nanny even longer than OP and this is what I would do.

Let her use whatever PTO is still left for this year and then allow her to take the remainder of the time requested as unpaid leave with a guarantee of employment upon return. OP currently pays her a FT salary for 20 hrs a week. Nanny also receives 2.5 months a year paid while OP is on vacation. That is a generous amount of paid leave. OP can use a combination of temporary paid childcare and family help to get her through the month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford a nanny and travel with three kids you are very wealthy. Offer two weeks paid, one week unpaid.

Quite the opposite. If she's got three kids and a nanny, she probably doesn't have a lot of extra money.

Yes, because she’s spent it all on rich people things, like three kids, a nanny, and travel!

Anonymous wrote:10 years??? Working in your home, with your children? I would just say yes, personally. In a heartbeat.

The Op wasn't questioning leave- just how to deal with pay. Which is awfully generous of her, given almost no one in that situation would expect the additional leave to be paid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny did exactly this and then once she was there had some convoluted reason she needed to extend by 2 more weeks. Then she came back and was a changed person, forgot to pick up one of the kids from preschool, etc. we ended up having to fire her.
Why not have her do this while you are away in the summer?

Umm, she is taking her mother home to BURY her. My god, the entitlement in your post.

Unbelievable. Her mother died.

Most jobs have at least a few weeks of bereavement leave.

In what planet?

In the United States, 1 week of bereavement leave is considered very generous. I don’t know anyone who gets more than that in my circle of doctors, lawyers, engineers, economists, etc.

Anonymous wrote:10 years??? Working in your home, with your children? I would just say yes, personally. In a heartbeat.

+1

Glad to see someone who thinks the same as me.

I mean, HER MOTHER DIED. And she mothers your kids. Your kids are watching, you know?

10 years??? Working in your home, with your children? I would just say yes, personally. In a heartbeat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny did exactly this and then once she was there had some convoluted reason she needed to extend by 2 more weeks. Then she came back and was a changed person, forgot to pick up one of the kids from preschool, etc. we ended up having to fire her.
Why not have her do this while you are away in the summer?

Umm, she is taking her mother home to BURY her. My god, the entitlement in your post.

Unbelievable. Her mother died.

Most jobs have at least a few weeks of bereavement leave.

Well, that's definitely not true.

I get 3 days.

Most people get... whatever they already get for leave. And there are often limitations on using sick leave under these circumstances. It's very uncommon to get additional paid leave for bereavement purposes.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should feel obligated to extend extra paid vacation, but you should let her use what you give her each year.

+1 obviously let her go but only pay her for agreed upon weeks off and the rest of the time is unpaid leave. Would your employer pay you for extra weeks you are away and don’t work? Mine wouldn’t. We get bereavement time but not weeks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny did exactly this and then once she was there had some convoluted reason she needed to extend by 2 more weeks. Then she came back and was a changed person, forgot to pick up one of the kids from preschool, etc. we ended up having to fire her.
Why not have her do this while you are away in the summer?

Umm, she is taking her mother home to BURY her. My god, the entitlement in your post.

Unbelievable. Her mother died.

Most jobs have at least a few weeks of bereavement leave.

Well, that's definitely not true.

I get 3 days.