Anonymous
Post 01/25/2024 18:25     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Hi, this is OP. DH saw I have been seeking advice here and he’s not so happy about it. I get it, it seems odd to him that I would be telling all this stuff to strangers. But I also said that’s exactly why — strangers. I won’t be answering any more questions because he is clearly not comfortable with this and it wouldn’t be respectful of me to continue.


Also, he is not being controlling in case you are wondering. It just bothers him that I was typing personal stuff about him and seeking advice from people online. He didn’t tell me to stop, I am choosing to because it is upsetting to him.

Thanks to everyone who tried to help though. I appreciate it.

Anonymous
Post 01/25/2024 12:49     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again.
No, he was not prescribed TRT.

I have been looking up therapists, but not sure how I am going to convince him he should leave his current one. Remember he doesn’t have an issue with the current one.

I do worry that suggesting he change will cause rock the boat too much. We’ve reached this level of relative calm and day to day things are functioning smoothly. What if it’s because he feels safe and supported and all of a sudden I tell him he should see someone else because I need more? It might feel like I’m pulling the rug out from under him.


Did the Viagra ever work or does he have nerve damage?


OP addressed this in her original post. She explained DH tried viagra specially, but it “felt weird.” I am not sure what he meant exactly.

Anyway, some time has passed so I suggested, up post, maybe he try a different RX? There are at least 2 major ones, and apparently now, certain pharmacists even compound or mix them depending on need. Point is: he could still try.

Apart from the “feeling weird” OP has not said that her husband’s issue is ED. I am not sure why any of you just assume this surgery causes incurable ED in every case. A few facts:

- while ED is a common temporary result, many patients can overcome it with viagra or similar medications;

- the nerves severed by surgery often grow back, but it can take up to 2 years;

- even where viagra does not overcome the ED, other therapies / devices (pump and ring) can allow an erection to happen, but only if the man is willing to try (and his partner is supportive).

What cannot physically happen is: ejaculation (ie - no semen). However, many men are still able to achieve a “dry orgasm” - again, if they are willing to try, and the wife is also willing to go along / be supportive of the effort.



But in OP’s DH case, psychology seems to be the very first issue needed to be overcome.

I read your earlier reply OP. DH likes his therapist. Would the therapist be open to having a joint session with you present, so you could express to the therapist you interest in trying again with DH?
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2024 05:40     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again.
No, he was not prescribed TRT.

I have been looking up therapists, but not sure how I am going to convince him he should leave his current one. Remember he doesn’t have an issue with the current one.

I do worry that suggesting he change will cause rock the boat too much. We’ve reached this level of relative calm and day to day things are functioning smoothly. What if it’s because he feels safe and supported and all of a sudden I tell him he should see someone else because I need more? It might feel like I’m pulling the rug out from under him.


Is this the same therapist whose attitude is "this is how things will be, deal with it"? The one who's dismissive of any possibility of any kind of sexual relationship? I usually would say for you, the spouse, to detail your concerns to your DH's therapist (therapists can't tell you what goes on in therapy but CAN listen to your input); however, if this is that same therapist, I don't know if it would do any good to ask to give the therapist that kind of input. But you also can't stay stuck. OP, are you seeing a therapist of your own, solo, by any chance?


I’ve wondered what the therapist actually said versus how DH interpreted it. I could easily imagine a situation where DH said he and OP were wistful for the old days and the therapist and said something about accepting that you are in a new reality. Not to mean that this new reality would mean no sex but that the circumstances had changed and you cannot just wish for the old physical self.


I agree. OP, if your DH likes his therapist and therapy is helping then let it play out.

Also, my ex suffered from depression and imo, people suffering from mental illness often times can’t get out of their own head to think about others. His inability to put your needs first or even recognize them is likely bc he just doesn’t have the head space. At least that was the case with my ex. Might also apply here too.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 22:07     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again.
No, he was not prescribed TRT.

I have been looking up therapists, but not sure how I am going to convince him he should leave his current one. Remember he doesn’t have an issue with the current one.

I do worry that suggesting he change will cause rock the boat too much. We’ve reached this level of relative calm and day to day things are functioning smoothly. What if it’s because he feels safe and supported and all of a sudden I tell him he should see someone else because I need more? It might feel like I’m pulling the rug out from under him.


Is this the same therapist whose attitude is "this is how things will be, deal with it"? The one who's dismissive of any possibility of any kind of sexual relationship? I usually would say for you, the spouse, to detail your concerns to your DH's therapist (therapists can't tell you what goes on in therapy but CAN listen to your input); however, if this is that same therapist, I don't know if it would do any good to ask to give the therapist that kind of input. But you also can't stay stuck. OP, are you seeing a therapist of your own, solo, by any chance?


I’ve wondered what the therapist actually said versus how DH interpreted it. I could easily imagine a situation where DH said he and OP were wistful for the old days and the therapist and said something about accepting that you are in a new reality. Not to mean that this new reality would mean no sex but that the circumstances had changed and you cannot just wish for the old physical self.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 21:53     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Call it whatever you want…but you are just not wanting to see what it really is-selfishness. Your husband is selfish

He had a medical issue. He is depressed about it. But you are his wife and expecting you to just give up something as important as this is simply not ok. As others have said-nobody is blaming him for not being able to function but it’s the total lack of interest in YOUR needs that is the problem here. You are still married. And sex is about a lot of things and he can only not do one thing. There are many other things he can do. And simply acting as if him not having any interest is ok is very sad.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 21:52     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again.
No, he was not prescribed TRT.

I have been looking up therapists, but not sure how I am going to convince him he should leave his current one. Remember he doesn’t have an issue with the current one.

I do worry that suggesting he change will cause rock the boat too much. We’ve reached this level of relative calm and day to day things are functioning smoothly. What if it’s because he feels safe and supported and all of a sudden I tell him he should see someone else because I need more? It might feel like I’m pulling the rug out from under him.


Is this the same therapist whose attitude is "this is how things will be, deal with it"? The one who's dismissive of any possibility of any kind of sexual relationship? I usually would say for you, the spouse, to detail your concerns to your DH's therapist (therapists can't tell you what goes on in therapy but CAN listen to your input); however, if this is that same therapist, I don't know if it would do any good to ask to give the therapist that kind of input. But you also can't stay stuck. OP, are you seeing a therapist of your own, solo, by any chance?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 21:40     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Anonymous wrote:Did he have his tongue removed too?


Seriously, does he not want to give you pleasure orally?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 19:15     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Did he have his tongue removed too?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 15:34     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again.
No, he was not prescribed TRT.

I have been looking up therapists, but not sure how I am going to convince him he should leave his current one. Remember he doesn’t have an issue with the current one.

I do worry that suggesting he change will cause rock the boat too much. We’ve reached this level of relative calm and day to day things are functioning smoothly. What if it’s because he feels safe and supported and all of a sudden I tell him he should see someone else because I need more? It might feel like I’m pulling the rug out from under him.


Did the Viagra ever work or does he have nerve damage?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 15:14     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Hi, OP again.
No, he was not prescribed TRT.

I have been looking up therapists, but not sure how I am going to convince him he should leave his current one. Remember he doesn’t have an issue with the current one.

I do worry that suggesting he change will cause rock the boat too much. We’ve reached this level of relative calm and day to day things are functioning smoothly. What if it’s because he feels safe and supported and all of a sudden I tell him he should see someone else because I need more? It might feel like I’m pulling the rug out from under him.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 15:05     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Testosterone Injections for the win.


Not a winning idea. Testosterone feeds some kinds of prostate cancer. Many men have treatment to reduce whatever testosterone they still have to suppress the cancer.


Yes this is correct.

It may not be done in every case (and OP indicated DH is “fine” - meaning in remission or cancer free?).

But it’s not uncommon for prostate cancer to prescribe T-blockers as it’s believed to promote prostate cancer growth.

OP - were these prescribed as part of his post-op therapy?


You all need to do some research before repeating the same outdated dogma that’s based on theory and not reality.

See below for evidence that it doesn’t increase the risk of developing it:

“According to the results of a recent study, testosterone treatment does not increase a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. In fact, new research suggests that this treatment may actually reduce the risk of aggressive prostate cancer.”

Source: https://www.moffitt.org/cancers/prostate-cancer/faqs/can-testosterone-replacement-therapy-increase-the-risk-of-prostate-cancer/#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20results%20of,risk%20of%20aggressive%20prostate%20cancer.

See below for a recent study (2015) showing that it also doesn’t aggravate existing prostate cancer:

“There is significant evidence that androgens promote prostate cancer in experimental systems. However, there is no clear evidence that elevations in endogenous testosterone levels promote the development of prostate cancer in humans. As a result of experimental and historical data on the progression of prostate cancer following TRT, there has been widespread belief that TRT will promote disease progression in prostate cancer patients. Despite these fears, there are a growing number of studies demonstrating no increase in prostate cancer incidence among men on TRT. Furthermore, in studies involving a small number of patients, there has been no discernable increase in disease progression in prostate cancer patients on TRT. While data from large, prospective, randomized, controlled trials are absent, TRT in select prostate cancer patients is likely safe”

Source 2: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4647137/


Look, do what you want, but please don’t act like your word is the gospel when there is ample contradictory evidence.


What you posted fails to address post-prostate removal therapies (though it is otherwise correct).

And only OP can answer as to whether her husband was prescribed testosterone-blocking drugs.


Fair point — I actually searched for a study addressing this point but came up empty handed as it seems we don’t have the data. However, logic would dictate that according to the old experimental models that led to the thinking that testosterone could aggravate or lead to prostate cancer, the absence of a prostate, would render testosterone therapy even more harmless. The old thinking dictated that the prostate has a multitude of androgen receptors, and the binding of androgens could potentially lead to both benign and malignant growth of the tissue. Without the prostate, what is there to bind to and thus enlarge whether it be malignant or benign? In my mind OP’s husbands lack of a prostate even further confirms that testosterone therapy could be a harmless, and furthermore beneficial treatment for lack of libido.

We know that testosterone increases libido — I would give it a try with the goal in mind of increasing his levels to the high end of the reference range 800 ng/dl or so.


It could bind to remaining cancer cells in lymph nodes and other places. Not every man is cured by surgery and this may not be apparent immediately.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 14:58     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Testosterone Injections for the win.


Not a winning idea. Testosterone feeds some kinds of prostate cancer. Many men have treatment to reduce whatever testosterone they still have to suppress the cancer.


Yes this is correct.

It may not be done in every case (and OP indicated DH is “fine” - meaning in remission or cancer free?).

But it’s not uncommon for prostate cancer to prescribe T-blockers as it’s believed to promote prostate cancer growth.

OP - were these prescribed as part of his post-op therapy?


You all need to do some research before repeating the same outdated dogma that’s based on theory and not reality.

See below for evidence that it doesn’t increase the risk of developing it:

“According to the results of a recent study, testosterone treatment does not increase a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. In fact, new research suggests that this treatment may actually reduce the risk of aggressive prostate cancer.”

Source: https://www.moffitt.org/cancers/prostate-cancer/faqs/can-testosterone-replacement-therapy-increase-the-risk-of-prostate-cancer/#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20results%20of,risk%20of%20aggressive%20prostate%20cancer.

See below for a recent study (2015) showing that it also doesn’t aggravate existing prostate cancer:

“There is significant evidence that androgens promote prostate cancer in experimental systems. However, there is no clear evidence that elevations in endogenous testosterone levels promote the development of prostate cancer in humans. As a result of experimental and historical data on the progression of prostate cancer following TRT, there has been widespread belief that TRT will promote disease progression in prostate cancer patients. Despite these fears, there are a growing number of studies demonstrating no increase in prostate cancer incidence among men on TRT. Furthermore, in studies involving a small number of patients, there has been no discernable increase in disease progression in prostate cancer patients on TRT. While data from large, prospective, randomized, controlled trials are absent, TRT in select prostate cancer patients is likely safe”

Source 2: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4647137/


Look, do what you want, but please don’t act like your word is the gospel when there is ample contradictory evidence.


What you posted fails to address post-prostate removal therapies (though it is otherwise correct).

And only OP can answer as to whether her husband was prescribed testosterone-blocking drugs.


Fair point — I actually searched for a study addressing this point but came up empty handed as it seems we don’t have the data. However, logic would dictate that according to the old experimental models that led to the thinking that testosterone could aggravate or lead to prostate cancer, the absence of a prostate, would render testosterone therapy even more harmless. The old thinking dictated that the prostate has a multitude of androgen receptors, and the binding of androgens could potentially lead to both benign and malignant growth of the tissue. Without the prostate, what is there to bind to and thus enlarge whether it be malignant or benign? In my mind OP’s husbands lack of a prostate even further confirms that testosterone therapy could be a harmless, and furthermore beneficial treatment for lack of libido.

We know that testosterone increases libido — I would give it a try with the goal in mind of increasing his levels to the high end of the reference range 800 ng/dl or so.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 14:29     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Testosterone Injections for the win.


Not a winning idea. Testosterone feeds some kinds of prostate cancer. Many men have treatment to reduce whatever testosterone they still have to suppress the cancer.


Yes this is correct.

It may not be done in every case (and OP indicated DH is “fine” - meaning in remission or cancer free?).

But it’s not uncommon for prostate cancer to prescribe T-blockers as it’s believed to promote prostate cancer growth.

OP - were these prescribed as part of his post-op therapy?


You all need to do some research before repeating the same outdated dogma that’s based on theory and not reality.

See below for evidence that it doesn’t increase the risk of developing it:

“According to the results of a recent study, testosterone treatment does not increase a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. In fact, new research suggests that this treatment may actually reduce the risk of aggressive prostate cancer.”

Source: https://www.moffitt.org/cancers/prostate-cancer/faqs/can-testosterone-replacement-therapy-increase-the-risk-of-prostate-cancer/#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20results%20of,risk%20of%20aggressive%20prostate%20cancer.

See below for a recent study (2015) showing that it also doesn’t aggravate existing prostate cancer:

“There is significant evidence that androgens promote prostate cancer in experimental systems. However, there is no clear evidence that elevations in endogenous testosterone levels promote the development of prostate cancer in humans. As a result of experimental and historical data on the progression of prostate cancer following TRT, there has been widespread belief that TRT will promote disease progression in prostate cancer patients. Despite these fears, there are a growing number of studies demonstrating no increase in prostate cancer incidence among men on TRT. Furthermore, in studies involving a small number of patients, there has been no discernable increase in disease progression in prostate cancer patients on TRT. While data from large, prospective, randomized, controlled trials are absent, TRT in select prostate cancer patients is likely safe”

Source 2: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4647137/


Look, do what you want, but please don’t act like your word is the gospel when there is ample contradictory evidence.


What you posted fails to address post-prostate removal therapies (though it is otherwise correct).

And only OP can answer as to whether her husband was prescribed testosterone-blocking drugs.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 13:37     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Testosterone Injections for the win.


Not a winning idea. Testosterone feeds some kinds of prostate cancer. Many men have treatment to reduce whatever testosterone they still have to suppress the cancer.


Yes this is correct.

It may not be done in every case (and OP indicated DH is “fine” - meaning in remission or cancer free?).

But it’s not uncommon for prostate cancer to prescribe T-blockers as it’s believed to promote prostate cancer growth.

OP - were these prescribed as part of his post-op therapy?


You all need to do some research before repeating the same outdated dogma that’s based on theory and not reality.

See below for evidence that it doesn’t increase the risk of developing it:

“According to the results of a recent study, testosterone treatment does not increase a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. In fact, new research suggests that this treatment may actually reduce the risk of aggressive prostate cancer.”

Source: https://www.moffitt.org/cancers/prostate-cancer/faqs/can-testosterone-replacement-therapy-increase-the-risk-of-prostate-cancer/#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20results%20of,risk%20of%20aggressive%20prostate%20cancer.

See below for a recent study (2015) showing that it also doesn’t aggravate existing prostate cancer:

“There is significant evidence that androgens promote prostate cancer in experimental systems. However, there is no clear evidence that elevations in endogenous testosterone levels promote the development of prostate cancer in humans. As a result of experimental and historical data on the progression of prostate cancer following TRT, there has been widespread belief that TRT will promote disease progression in prostate cancer patients. Despite these fears, there are a growing number of studies demonstrating no increase in prostate cancer incidence among men on TRT. Furthermore, in studies involving a small number of patients, there has been no discernable increase in disease progression in prostate cancer patients on TRT. While data from large, prospective, randomized, controlled trials are absent, TRT in select prostate cancer patients is likely safe”

Source 2: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4647137/


Look, do what you want, but please don’t act like your word is the gospel when there is ample contradictory evidence.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2024 11:11     Subject: Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Testosterone Injections for the win.


Not a winning idea. Testosterone feeds some kinds of prostate cancer. Many men have treatment to reduce whatever testosterone they still have to suppress the cancer.


Yes this is correct.

It may not be done in every case (and OP indicated DH is “fine” - meaning in remission or cancer free?).

But it’s not uncommon for prostate cancer to prescribe T-blockers as it’s believed to promote prostate cancer growth.

OP - were these prescribed as part of his post-op therapy?