I think unless the person truly deserves it (like the affair story), better to just stop gift giving then to be passive aggressive.

A friend of mine had twin boys, one with SN and was overwhelmed so when MIL visited the house was not clean enough for MIL's liking. So for Christmas that year the MIL gave her a carpet steamer and cleaning supplies. So rude. Does she want the mother of her grandchildren to just fall apart or have a nervous breakdown?

Anonymous wrote:The year my husband had an affair I put coal in his stocking. He said he deserved it.
He’s a horrible gift giver himself. He gave me a great pair of ski goggles one year but couldn’t think of anything to get me the next year so he got them out of the closet, wrapped them up and gave them to me again the next year. When I opened them he kind of shrugged his shoulders like “I couldn’t think of anything.”

He deserved the coal and getting ski goggles out of the closet to re-wrap is pathetic. I'm sorry.

The year my husband had an affair I put coal in his stocking. He said he deserved it.
He’s a horrible gift giver himself. He gave me a great pair of ski goggles one year but couldn’t think of anything to get me the next year so he got them out of the closet, wrapped them up and gave them to me again the next year. When I opened them he kind of shrugged his shoulders like “I couldn’t think of anything.”

My sister is an mean spirited person in general, but she likes to keep up appearances so until I simply refused to accept any gifts one of the many ways she liked to exercise her demons was with passsive aggressive gifts. I have posted about this before.

For years in early adulthood she would claim she emailed me a gift card, but I never recieved it. Like lucy at the football I would let her know I didn't get it because I don't like to think of someone wasting money. I would check junk. There would be this back and forth and it would never arrive until i finally just ignored those emails and she would involve my mom. My mother always felt there was some mistake even though she knew my sister had a dark side.

When I had mt first kid she sent me an ebay gift of a bunch of baby clothes with stains and holes. I also have received broken necklaces, a broken vase, chocolates after I lost a lot of weight due to prevent diabetes, and a baking cookbook both because I was trying to prevent diabetes (high sugar baked goods0, but also she said I now had to bake for her any time she was in town-I am not a baker.

Every gift or non-gift turned into thank you not being enough and complaints to my mother to try to suck her into drama about how I wasn't appreciative. When I was stupid enough to defend myself my mother always was of the opinion a gift is something good even if it's a bunch of stained clothes with holes.

My sister has so many friendship and dating relationships explode, but my mother just sees her as an innocent victim. I have distanced myself because I figure it's only a matter of time before she sends me something like a dead rabbit and I have way too much life stress to hear about her latest drama.

Anonymous wrote:My brother and his wife once shipped me 10 empty plastic diet coke bottles with crochet covers and a dollar store black ball as a "bowling set" for our 4 year old's Christmas gift. They were heavily into environmental recycling at the time.
They tried something similar for his birthday gift and me/ wife took it back to post office and refused delivery, had it marked " return to sender".
We have gone none contact with them for about 5 years now.

This seems creative to me and I doubt any four year old would see a problem with this gift...there must be more to this strained relationship. Refusing these gifts seems strangely judgemental and petty to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My (millionaire many times over) stepmother gives me the oddest gifts. Last year she sent a wrapped bag of wild rice from Trader Joe’s (across the country no less) for the holidays and a set of steak knives (clearly regifted from like 20 years ago) . One year when I was in grad school she sent a Costco size box of equal packets; a used pair of plastic tongs and the most phallic candle imaginable (think mottled, purple and very penile shaped). One year my dad sent me the same scarf from the met store that he had given me a few years before. Also they sent my 14 year old son a pink t shirt from an acquarium near them that was size 6x and a book appropriate for maybe a 9 year old.

I should note they are wealthy hoarders so have closets of stuff they buy and then dig through it for gifts. Even so the rice was over the top. My kids still joke about it.

Winner.

People who lived through the Depression or older WASP types can be like this. But it's not passive aggressive. Just thriftily odd.

In middle school, I once received a cosmetic bag that was new with tags. The tags said "For the Modern Traveler" but showed a prop jet, an old school ocean liner, and a bulbous black sedan along with a lady wearing a "New Look" A-Line dress. Probably about 30 years old at the time. It was nice but I understood immediately that the object had a backstory.

Also received an unused 1930s scrapbook from the same grandparents. I used it for art projects. That was nearly over the line, as the paper it was made from was a bit strange.

The grandparents were not rich but easily could have afforded something new. They just were thrifty and felt these were reasonable gifts for a middle school girl.

P.S. I don't understand candle gifts at all. I think people should buy them only for themselves. Non-candle people don't want them at all. They are a fire hazard to use, scent choice is personal, and they are a bit fragile to store for later donation (if one wants to keep them minty).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if this was passive aggressive or just a last minute dash. A classmate gave a wrapped STEM subscription box for my kid’s birthday. Not a subscription, but a single box that was clearly the birthday guest’s.

That’s actually a great gift.

We already had the box. Which was given as a gift subscription by a family member. So now we have a stack of 4 subscription boxes full of plastic, 2 of which are identical.

And no it’s not a great gift. It’s a lazy gift.

Did the person who gave it to you know that you already had it? Because without knowing it, it's a great gift.

My kid has gotten identical kits before. Because he likes to build things and so people give him building kits that look cool, and sometimes they're identical. Sometimes he invites a friend over to build with him. Sometimes, we give one to Toys for Tots. It's fine.

I still think a subscription box, clearly from some one else’s subscription (had their kid’s name and mailing address) is weird to give as a gift. I agree that kids like to build things. So give a Lego set or any other set that was not purchased for your own kid. It is weird!

Well they screwed up not taking off their own kids' label. Still doesn't sound passive agressive, though. Maybe they're broke.

I had a passive aggressive friend a long time ago. One Christmas she gave me a wrapped gift, and said, "It's a scented candle. I know you hate scented candles, but the wick has lead in it so be careful if you light it." Um, okay. Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if this was passive aggressive or just a last minute dash. A classmate gave a wrapped STEM subscription box for my kid’s birthday. Not a subscription, but a single box that was clearly the birthday guest’s.

That’s actually a great gift.

We already had the box. Which was given as a gift subscription by a family member. So now we have a stack of 4 subscription boxes full of plastic, 2 of which are identical.

And no it’s not a great gift. It’s a lazy gift.

Did the person who gave it to you know that you already had it? Because without knowing it, it's a great gift.

My kid has gotten identical kits before. Because he likes to build things and so people give him building kits that look cool, and sometimes they're identical. Sometimes he invites a friend over to build with him. Sometimes, we give one to Toys for Tots. It's fine.

I still think a subscription box, clearly from some one else’s subscription (had their kid’s name and mailing address) is weird to give as a gift. I agree that kids like to build things. So give a Lego set or any other set that was not purchased for your own kid. It is weird!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if this was passive aggressive or just a last minute dash. A classmate gave a wrapped STEM subscription box for my kid’s birthday. Not a subscription, but a single box that was clearly the birthday guest’s.

That’s actually a great gift.

We already had the box. Which was given as a gift subscription by a family member. So now we have a stack of 4 subscription boxes full of plastic, 2 of which are identical.

And no it’s not a great gift. It’s a lazy gift.

Did the person who gave it to you know that you already had it? Because without knowing it, it's a great gift.

My kid has gotten identical kits before. Because he likes to build things and so people give him building kits that look cool, and sometimes they're identical. Sometimes he invites a friend over to build with him. Sometimes, we give one to Toys for Tots. It's fine.

Anonymous wrote:My (millionaire many times over) stepmother gives me the oddest gifts. Last year she sent a wrapped bag of wild rice from Trader Joe’s (across the country no less) for the holidays and a set of steak knives (clearly regifted from like 20 years ago) . One year when I was in grad school she sent a Costco size box of equal packets; a used pair of plastic tongs and the most phallic candle imaginable (think mottled, purple and very penile shaped). One year my dad sent me the same scarf from the met store that he had given me a few years before. Also they sent my 14 year old son a pink t shirt from an acquarium near them that was size 6x and a book appropriate for maybe a 9 year old.

I should note they are wealthy hoarders so have closets of stuff they buy and then dig through it for gifts. Even so the rice was over the top. My kids still joke about it.

Winner.

My (millionaire many times over) stepmother gives me the oddest gifts. Last year she sent a wrapped bag of wild rice from Trader Joe’s (across the country no less) for the holidays and a set of steak knives (clearly regifted from like 20 years ago) . One year when I was in grad school she sent a Costco size box of equal packets; a used pair of plastic tongs and the most phallic candle imaginable (think mottled, purple and very penile shaped). One year my dad sent me the same scarf from the met store that he had given me a few years before. Also they sent my 14 year old son a pink t shirt from an acquarium near them that was size 6x and a book appropriate for maybe a 9 year old.

I should note they are wealthy hoarders so have closets of stuff they buy and then dig through it for gifts. Even so the rice was over the top. My kids still joke about it.

I donated money for chicks and goats to people in low-income countries in the name of my selfish, materialistic family members. They never acknowledged the gifts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if this was passive aggressive or just a last minute dash. A classmate gave a wrapped STEM subscription box for my kid’s birthday. Not a subscription, but a single box that was clearly the birthday guest’s.

That’s actually a great gift.

We already had the box. Which was given as a gift subscription by a family member. So now we have a stack of 4 subscription boxes full of plastic, 2 of which are identical.

And no it’s not a great gift. It’s a lazy gift.

I gave my 88 yo mother a cane this year because she desperately needed one and refused to admit it. She actually told me she appreciates it and recognizes it will help her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and his wife once shipped me 10 empty plastic diet coke bottles with crochet covers and a dollar store black ball as a "bowling set" for our 4 year old's Christmas gift. They were heavily into environmental recycling at the time.
They tried something similar for his birthday gift and me/ wife took it back to post office and refused delivery, had it marked " return to sender".
We have gone none contact with them for about 5 years now.

They're better off without you. They sound quirky and oddball, but you sound totally over the top rude returning their gift.

You don't have any idea the ridiculous and out of boundary passive/ aggressive crap we've had to deal with over the years that finally led up to this action.
Good riddance to them ....and to you.

LOL, you're right, I'm not psychic -- I'm only going off what you're posting. And each post makes you seem worse than the one you posted before.

+100