This would be a marital dealbreaker for me. I’m not giving up my financial future for my inlaws or my own parents. Downsizing is not a reason to subsidize them. Now, keeping them from being homeless — that I would support. But that doesn’t sound like what is happening.

It is totally fair for you to push back on this.

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws had no money to pay to move out of their place and into a new one when their landlord sold, so we gave them 5k. They ended up in that position because they could not pay their mortgage, so they sold and rented instead of buying. My warning would be that them moving out of their home now will mean either renting or buying a smaller place that might only be marginally cheaper due to interest rates. The rent scenario is the worst one of all. My in-laws had to move three times since, pay more and more each time...Total nightmare and I am dreading the day they ask for more money.

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws had no money to pay to move out of their place and into a new one when their landlord sold, so we gave them 5k. They ended up in that position because they could not pay their mortgage, so they sold and rented instead of buying. My warning would be that them moving out of their home now will mean either renting or buying a smaller place that might only be marginally cheaper due to interest rates. The rent scenario is the worst one of all. My in-laws had to move three times since, pay more and more each time...Total nightmare and I am dreading the day they ask for more money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice, but some commiseration.

My inlaws have made terrible financial decisions. FIL owns his own business which tanked during covid (now recovering), and DH was helping out with the business quite a bit, unpaid. I told him, I dont care if you are helping, thats fine, but if you ever give them money without talking to me, that is financial infidelity. My BIL is married to a big law partner and they make prob 3x what we make. He started "contributing" to their finances, and I think his wife snapped him out of it. They live in a 5 bedroom house as empty nesters. They cant use the stairs, so we installed a chair lift for them. They can't go down to the basement. But they WILL NOT sell the house and downsize. They keep saying how they owe a double mortgage on the house, but their mortgage is much less than what the house would be valued for. I dont understand why they would rather keep paying this off piece meal with interest, rather than selling and buying a small apartment. I think MIL and FIL actually hate each other so that's probably one reason lol. They like having a big house so they can just stay separate.
Anyways. That's not even as bad as your situation, as we do own our own home. But you need to have a come to jesus talk with him asap. Otherwise it will end up snowballing and soon he will bank roll their entire life.

I guess I'm not done ranting about my inlaws lol. I also just remembered that while DH was helping the business, he ended up paying off several credit cards because they had so much debt. As soon as FIL took over again, within 6 mons they were maxed again. He's almost 80, and I think his thought process is literally "rack it up and die" so he will never pay it off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. We support my mom and I think it’s just the right thing to do because she is struggling and we are not. But she is literally poor, we give her only 400 dollars a month, and our HHI is 725K.

When I read the title I thought “you should support them” but no, I changed my mind. No. They can live in a smaller place! I would put my foot down for sure, OP.

OP’s DH is ridiculous but so are you. You could easily afford to triple that amount to get her out of poverty. Cheapo

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP’s DH is ridiculous but so are you. You could easily afford to triple that amount to get her out of poverty. Cheapo

I'm not PP who makes 725k, but I think you are really not very smart. You have no idea what PP can afford, because you don't know how many kids they have, whether there is college or grad school loans, whether PP's nuclear family has any health issues or kids with special needs who may need lifetime care, etc. What if PP has four or five kids, one with special needs in an expensive school, needs to save for college tuition, has undergrad and med school loans, etc.? In any event, better to be cheap than stupid.

+100

DP. We make a lot of money as well (although not quite that much!). And have a SN child that may never be able to live independently. I’m not really interested in raising able bodied adults out of poverty at the cost of my child not being able to clothe and feed themself when I’m gone.

Anonymous wrote:Omg. We support my mom and I think it’s just the right thing to do because she is struggling and we are not. But she is literally poor, we give her only 400 dollars a month, and our HHI is 725K.

When I read the title I thought “you should support them” but no, I changed my mind. No. They can live in a smaller place! I would put my foot down for sure, OP.

Anonymous wrote:By paying their mortgage so they do not have to move out of their home and into a cheaper apartment.

It is a decent chunk of our monthly expenses, but doable. However, it sets us up to not save for a down payment on our own home (we are renting) and college savings for our DC.

There are more details to share, but I am such a mix of negative emotions. Of course, it is his parents, and he has to help him if that is the right thing to do. But I am feeling selfish about the whole thing-- more so that we have to take on the burden of his parents not managing their money. The whole thing is really just sad on so many levels.

Anonymous wrote:

OP’s DH is ridiculous but so are you. You could easily afford to triple that amount to get her out of poverty. Cheapo

I'm not PP who makes 725k, but I think you are really not very smart. You have no idea what PP can afford, because you don't know how many kids they have, whether there is college or grad school loans, whether PP's nuclear family has any health issues or kids with special needs who may need lifetime care, etc. What if PP has four or five kids, one with special needs in an expensive school, needs to save for college tuition, has undergrad and med school loans, etc.? In any event, better to be cheap than stupid.