Anonymous wrote:The PTA at our school feels really cliquish. I tried volunteering for a while but felt very unwelcome. Now I do things for them occasionally out of obligation to the school and because I think it's important to demonstrate what community involvement is to my kid. But I don't jt enjoy it at all because I find the other PTA parents bizarrely unfriendly and I just kind of smile my way through it but when it's over I always tell my husband "remind me not to do this again."

I just don't get their behavior. They constantly ask for volunteers and want more people involved, but they clearly mostly just want people who they already know (because their kids are friends, are in the same activities, or they're neighbors or whatever) and they view me as an outsider. It often feels like they are like "We desperately need volunteers! No, not you." It's feels pretty bad.

This is exactly my experience at our DC private. It even happens on the sports teams at the school. I volunteered because it was strongly encouraged and I have never been made to feel so unwelcome in my entire life. These women presumably have real jobs in the real world and I cannot imagine how they function with colleagues and staff. Don’t worry ladies, I’m not trying to steal your snack arranging thunder. JFC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our PTA is great. They work extremely hard to raise funds for our school and I can’t think of an instance where I ever felt remotely annoyed by them. They’re not cliquey at all though, so maybe that helps. So sad to hear it’s not like this at all schools. Maybe if you don’t like how your PTA is being run, you could volunteer to be on the board? You know, be the change an all. Or, you can sit behind your keyboard and continue to complain about an organization that is probably funding half the supplies in your child’s classroom.

NP but in my experience, the PTA moms that are like this are not the ones that are in low income schools. The parents in low income or diverse schools aren't the snooty ones who choose to live in McLean or Oakton or Burke or whatever other high SES/primarily caucasian families live. Even the high SES schools that have large Asian populations don't have this type of attitude because Asian families don't have the tolerance for this level of bullshit. And before you call me racist, we are an Asian family in one of those majority Asian schools (this is our third ES in the past 14 years, we've seen it all).

I agree with you for the most part but I din’t think you’ve experienced cliquish behavior from majority Asian dmv population groups. I’m from a part of California with a lot of Asians who are high performing but normal. I’m Asian myself. The Asians here are a different animal: very tiger mom, hyper competitive, comparing credentials. Very “crabs in a bucket.”

She was referring to income, not race.

ITA that income makes a huge difference. In lower income schools they BEG for volunteers. In upper income schools, they try to freeze out other parents and control everything, so they can have the martyr attitude demonstrated upthread. "Walk a day in our shoes" gimme a break.

Anonymous wrote:PTAs are cliquish but it’s because the want you to help. Once you volunteer and spend endless amounts of your free time, you can be part of the clique too. Truth!

Ever wonder why so many parents on the PTA are just so similar to each other? Similar home set ups, often similar jobs if they work. Similar backgrounds. Similar kids with similar interests.

All the PTA parents at our school have two-parent families, no SN kids. Their kids are all the kind with easy personalities, often athletic (and they all get to know each other from their kids doing the same sports). They are more likely to have nannies or grandparents helping them. They are also almost universally at a certain income level or higher.

Not all parents have the same amount of free time to give. Some of us have SN kids who require a lot of emotional work and we don't have a ton left at the end of the day. Some of us have fewer helping hands at home, and fewer resources to hire more hands. We would like to be involved at school and volunteer a few times a year, go to PTA meetings when we can so we are in the loop and know what is going on. And when the PTA clique acts like what we have to offer is not enough, when they act like martyrs because they "do everything" and other parents aren't sufficiently committed, we get sick of it because what they don't realize is that what I'm offering is the absolute max of what I have to give. It's actually a sign of my high commitment to my kids and the school that I'm even offering this much. And when it is sneered at by some UMC mom with a flexible job, a nanny for her younger kids, a supportive spouse, well-adjusted kids with no SNs, etc., it pisses me off. They act like martyrs but the only reason they even CAN martyr themselves to the PTA is because they have way more bandwidth than most of the other parents at the school.

A lot of PTA parents need to get over themselves and stop assuming everyone is exactly like them and if someone can't devote 20 hours a week to PTA duties, they must be lazy freeloaders.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our PTA is great. They work extremely hard to raise funds for our school and I can’t think of an instance where I ever felt remotely annoyed by them. They’re not cliquey at all though, so maybe that helps. So sad to hear it’s not like this at all schools. Maybe if you don’t like how your PTA is being run, you could volunteer to be on the board? You know, be the change an all. Or, you can sit behind your keyboard and continue to complain about an organization that is probably funding half the supplies in your child’s classroom.

NP but in my experience, the PTA moms that are like this are not the ones that are in low income schools. The parents in low income or diverse schools aren't the snooty ones who choose to live in McLean or Oakton or Burke or whatever other high SES/primarily caucasian families live. Even the high SES schools that have large Asian populations don't have this type of attitude because Asian families don't have the tolerance for this level of bullshit. And before you call me racist, we are an Asian family in one of those majority Asian schools (this is our third ES in the past 14 years, we've seen it all).

I agree with you for the most part but I din’t think you’ve experienced cliquish behavior from majority Asian dmv population groups. I’m from a part of California with a lot of Asians who are high performing but normal. I’m Asian myself. The Asians here are a different animal: very tiger mom, hyper competitive, comparing credentials. Very “crabs in a bucket.”

This area is different and all about credentials and who you know. Not just Asians.

That’s a good point. But still the Asians here are a different kind of tiger mom that is not like anything I’ve ever experienced anywhere else. But I see that may be because they are intersecting with the dmv culture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our PTA is great. They work extremely hard to raise funds for our school and I can’t think of an instance where I ever felt remotely annoyed by them. They’re not cliquey at all though, so maybe that helps. So sad to hear it’s not like this at all schools. Maybe if you don’t like how your PTA is being run, you could volunteer to be on the board? You know, be the change an all. Or, you can sit behind your keyboard and continue to complain about an organization that is probably funding half the supplies in your child’s classroom.

NP but in my experience, the PTA moms that are like this are not the ones that are in low income schools. The parents in low income or diverse schools aren't the snooty ones who choose to live in McLean or Oakton or Burke or whatever other high SES/primarily caucasian families live. Even the high SES schools that have large Asian populations don't have this type of attitude because Asian families don't have the tolerance for this level of bullshit. And before you call me racist, we are an Asian family in one of those majority Asian schools (this is our third ES in the past 14 years, we've seen it all).

I agree with you for the most part but I din’t think you’ve experienced cliquish behavior from majority Asian dmv population groups. I’m from a part of California with a lot of Asians who are high performing but normal. I’m Asian myself. The Asians here are a different animal: very tiger mom, hyper competitive, comparing credentials. Very “crabs in a bucket.”

*don’t

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our PTA is great. They work extremely hard to raise funds for our school and I can’t think of an instance where I ever felt remotely annoyed by them. They’re not cliquey at all though, so maybe that helps. So sad to hear it’s not like this at all schools. Maybe if you don’t like how your PTA is being run, you could volunteer to be on the board? You know, be the change an all. Or, you can sit behind your keyboard and continue to complain about an organization that is probably funding half the supplies in your child’s classroom.

NP but in my experience, the PTA moms that are like this are not the ones that are in low income schools. The parents in low income or diverse schools aren't the snooty ones who choose to live in McLean or Oakton or Burke or whatever other high SES/primarily caucasian families live. Even the high SES schools that have large Asian populations don't have this type of attitude because Asian families don't have the tolerance for this level of bullshit. And before you call me racist, we are an Asian family in one of those majority Asian schools (this is our third ES in the past 14 years, we've seen it all).

I agree with you for the most part but I din’t think you’ve experienced cliquish behavior from majority Asian dmv population groups. I’m from a part of California with a lot of Asians who are high performing but normal. I’m Asian myself. The Asians here are a different animal: very tiger mom, hyper competitive, comparing credentials. Very “crabs in a bucket.”

This area is different and all about credentials and who you know. Not just Asians.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA does so much for our school. It's a few volunteers taking on the burden of time, money, and effort for everyone else. God bless them. If that leads to them acting like a click or someone insular, who cares.

Walk in their shoes and then you'll get it. I started to get involved in the PTA before my health took a turn. I didn't get a chance to do much. But I did help out with picture day. And calling parents and trying to get issues resolved, I was treated so rudely, as if I was working for the photo company and I get a commission or something. It's ridiculous. So many thankless tasks.

My friend ran a program where they collect used instruments, get them refurbished by a music school in town, and the kids write an essay to have a chance to win the instrument. One of the winners families complained that the (totally functional clarinet) was not good enough and the PTA should buy them a brand new one, which they can't afford. The list goes on.

My friend is such a sweet person and worked so hard, there were so many steps to this process and for someone to be nasty to her at the end, which this parent was... It's just awful.

What in the world? PTA should have anything to do with organizing instrument rentals and picture day. Stay in your lane. This is a case of too many hands that want to be in the pot

DP. Of course they organize picture day. They also organize book fairs, back to school events, after school clubs, yearbooks, multicultural fairs, steam fairs, spelling bees, read a thons, school stores, school directories, student supply kits, staff appreciation days, various fundraising events/spirit days and much much more. If they didn’t, these events would not happen in most schools.

School directories? PTAs aren't allowed to have school directories anymore. Or so says our PTA. Some state law, they say. Yet, I hear parents on here talking about school directories all the time. So which one is it?

Must have to do with consent. We have one, but you have to opt in by entering in your info. And have to pay dues. It's not a printed directory, just online for people paying the dues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our PTA is great. They work extremely hard to raise funds for our school and I can’t think of an instance where I ever felt remotely annoyed by them. They’re not cliquey at all though, so maybe that helps. So sad to hear it’s not like this at all schools. Maybe if you don’t like how your PTA is being run, you could volunteer to be on the board? You know, be the change an all. Or, you can sit behind your keyboard and continue to complain about an organization that is probably funding half the supplies in your child’s classroom.

NP but in my experience, the PTA moms that are like this are not the ones that are in low income schools. The parents in low income or diverse schools aren't the snooty ones who choose to live in McLean or Oakton or Burke or whatever other high SES/primarily caucasian families live. Even the high SES schools that have large Asian populations don't have this type of attitude because Asian families don't have the tolerance for this level of bullshit. And before you call me racist, we are an Asian family in one of those majority Asian schools (this is our third ES in the past 14 years, we've seen it all).

I agree with you for the most part but I din’t think you’ve experienced cliquish behavior from majority Asian dmv population groups. I’m from a part of California with a lot of Asians who are high performing but normal. I’m Asian myself. The Asians here are a different animal: very tiger mom, hyper competitive, comparing credentials. Very “crabs in a bucket.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found this a little at our private but the worst had been summer swim team. Those moms are martyrs but so unfriendly to anyone that offers to help out.

Omg yes! I used to be sad that my kids never wanted to do swim team but after observing the drama that friends have with the swim team, I’m happy to just be a pool member and enjoy. Our PTAs aren’t perfect (and I say this as a former pta President) but it’s nothing like the catty drama the swim team stirs up.

I thought that was just our summer swim team. To connect summer swim team and PTA behavior is hilarious: sad but true, at least in our case.

My kid for some reason didn’t notice the gross behavior, and would like to do summer swim team again. I said sorry but that is going to be a hard no.

PTAs are cliquish but it’s because the want you to help. Once you volunteer and spend endless amounts of your free time, you can be part of the clique too. Truth!

Anonymous wrote:I found this a little at our private but the worst had been summer swim team. Those moms are martyrs but so unfriendly to anyone that offers to help out.

+1

LOL! Sad but true. Summer swim team moms are the worst.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA does so much for our school. It's a few volunteers taking on the burden of time, money, and effort for everyone else. God bless them. If that leads to them acting like a click or someone insular, who cares.

Walk in their shoes and then you'll get it. I started to get involved in the PTA before my health took a turn. I didn't get a chance to do much. But I did help out with picture day. And calling parents and trying to get issues resolved, I was treated so rudely, as if I was working for the photo company and I get a commission or something. It's ridiculous. So many thankless tasks.

My friend ran a program where they collect used instruments, get them refurbished by a music school in town, and the kids write an essay to have a chance to win the instrument. One of the winners families complained that the (totally functional clarinet) was not good enough and the PTA should buy them a brand new one, which they can't afford. The list goes on.

My friend is such a sweet person and worked so hard, there were so many steps to this process and for someone to be nasty to her at the end, which this parent was... It's just awful.

What in the world? PTA should have anything to do with organizing instrument rentals and picture day. Stay in your lane. This is a case of too many hands that want to be in the pot

DP. Of course they organize picture day. They also organize book fairs, back to school events, after school clubs, yearbooks, multicultural fairs, steam fairs, spelling bees, read a thons, school stores, school directories, student supply kits, staff appreciation days, various fundraising events/spirit days and much much more. If they didn’t, these events would not happen in most schools.

School directories? PTAs aren't allowed to have school directories anymore. Or so says our PTA. Some state law, they say. Yet, I hear parents on here talking about school directories all the time. So which one is it?

Anonymous wrote:Our PTA is great. They work extremely hard to raise funds for our school and I can’t think of an instance where I ever felt remotely annoyed by them. They’re not cliquey at all though, so maybe that helps. So sad to hear it’s not like this at all schools. Maybe if you don’t like how your PTA is being run, you could volunteer to be on the board? You know, be the change an all. Or, you can sit behind your keyboard and continue to complain about an organization that is probably funding half the supplies in your child’s classroom.

NP but in my experience, the PTA moms that are like this are not the ones that are in low income schools. The parents in low income or diverse schools aren't the snooty ones who choose to live in McLean or Oakton or Burke or whatever other high SES/primarily caucasian families live. Even the high SES schools that have large Asian populations don't have this type of attitude because Asian families don't have the tolerance for this level of bullshit. And before you call me racist, we are an Asian family in one of those majority Asian schools (this is our third ES in the past 14 years, we've seen it all).

Anonymous wrote:The PTA does so much for our school. It's a few volunteers taking on the burden of time, money, and effort for everyone else. God bless them. If that leads to them acting like a click or someone insular, who cares.

Walk in their shoes and then you'll get it. I started to get involved in the PTA before my health took a turn. I didn't get a chance to do much. But I did help out with picture day. And calling parents and trying to get issues resolved, I was treated so rudely, as if I was working for the photo company and I get a commission or something. It's ridiculous. So many thankless tasks.

My friend ran a program where they collect used instruments, get them refurbished by a music school in town, and the kids write an essay to have a chance to win the instrument. One of the winners families complained that the (totally functional clarinet) was not good enough and the PTA should buy them a brand new one, which they can't afford. The list goes on.

My friend is such a sweet person and worked so hard, there were so many steps to this process and for someone to be nasty to her at the end, which this parent was... It's just awful.

So many thankless tasks that the PTA leadership does not thank volunteers for, instead they treat us like shit. That's the problem and a big reason people volunteer once and never volunteer again.

Anonymous wrote:Give me a school directory. Done by the school. It should be a school responsibility. If the school system-wide does a book fair, it should be planned system-wide. If the PTA wants to promote and fund 1 or 2 events during the school year, that's the right amount. Imho, that's it.

But the school won’t. It’s too much work and they don’t have the staff to manage a directory. They can barely get substitutes. And then there is the whole legal issue of giving out info, etc. It’s a nightmare. Most PTAs don’t even do a printed directory anymore. Our school only had an online one for people who pay their membership dues and opt in. Same with planning a book fair. It’s too much work to add to the librarian so it’s up to the PTA to do it. But you have a choice—you don’t want to participate, don’t. PTA is not mandatory!