Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We spent $50k on winter vacation, including business class seats, and now, a few days before leaving, our 15-year-old refused to go because it's not a ski vacation, no friends and no teens that speak English, they would not be able to communicate with the time difference with their friends, and it is too hot. This terrible location is Bali. The teen doesn't seem to care, refuses to go, and gets angry. We'll see if it's a bluff, but they are claiming to stay with Grandma as this will be too stressful for them and not enjoyable. Grandma will not be able to handle the teen, so one spouse is planning to stay behind. The teen has a history of oppositional defiance that we thought was worked pass with all the counseling but this came out of nowhere last minute. This is the last vacation we will do like this moving forward until the fING kids are out of the house, and it will just be spouses.

How is this even an option? This would not even be entertained in my house. Sure my teens have complained about a museum visit or activity that is not their favorite. But family vacations are for the family and there is no opting out. I do plan down time and allow them to chill in the hotel room sometimes while DH and I hit an extra site or maybe we go out to dinner and they order room service. So we do accommodate their interests but trying to skip a trip to Bali? Hell no.

I agree, this is crazy. I think the teen's choices should be (a) wilderness program (b) Bali. No way her temper tantrum gets to ruin the vacation for the other parent. Also, I do have to say this is probably going to be a watershed moment. You'll never get the right power balance back if her decisions are allowed to cost the family that much money and a parent loses out on vacation.

Anonymous wrote:We spent $50k on winter vacation, including business class seats, and now, a few days before leaving, our 15-year-old refused to go because it's not a ski vacation, no friends and no teens that speak English, they would not be able to communicate with the time difference with their friends, and it is too hot. This terrible location is Bali. The teen doesn't seem to care, refuses to go, and gets angry. We'll see if it's a bluff, but they are claiming to stay with Grandma as this will be too stressful for them and not enjoyable. Grandma will not be able to handle the teen, so one spouse is planning to stay behind. The teen has a history of oppositional defiance that we thought was worked pass with all the counseling but this came out of nowhere last minute. This is the last vacation we will do like this moving forward until the fING kids are out of the house, and it will just be spouses.

How is this even an option? This would not even be entertained in my house. Sure my teens have complained about a museum visit or activity that is not their favorite. But family vacations are for the family and there is no opting out. I do plan down time and allow them to chill in the hotel room sometimes while DH and I hit an extra site or maybe we go out to dinner and they order room service. So we do accommodate their interests but trying to skip a trip to Bali? Hell no.

I hate travel myself so I get it. The plane part, loss of control over airlines which have gotten so much worse over the years. That alone makes me not want to go. I also prefer my house and bed to anywhere else. We do travel but very often it just doesn't feel "worth it" to me even if the trip is nice and fun. I always think I would have enjoyed staying home just as much. Might be because I traveled a lot younger and already live in a different country.

Find a FT Nanny for your children and please take that trip with your spouse.

We have a boy and a girl, and our boy went through that phase of, "I'd rather just stay home." It wasn't ever a choice, he had to travel with us. But, I was thrilled when one year in college he called to ask about family vacation plans because he was trying to make plans with friends and wanted to know when our family vacation was and where. As a 20-something, with us still paying the tab, he enjoys family travel

Anonymous wrote:We spent $50k on winter vacation, including business class seats, and now, a few days before leaving, our 15-year-old refused to go because it's not a ski vacation, no friends and no teens that speak English, they would not be able to communicate with the time difference with their friends, and it is too hot. This terrible location is Bali. The teen doesn't seem to care, refuses to go, and gets angry. We'll see if it's a bluff, but they are claiming to stay with Grandma as this will be too stressful for them and not enjoyable. Grandma will not be able to handle the teen, so one spouse is planning to stay behind. The teen has a history of oppositional defiance that we thought was worked pass with all the counseling but this came out of nowhere last minute. This is the last vacation we will do like this moving forward until the fING kids are out of the house, and it will just be spouses.

I will gladly take your kids place in a business class trip to Bali. I am sorry PP, that really sucks.

My kid is 13 and currently loves travel. I think my heart will break if/when that changes.

We spent $50k on winter vacation, including business class seats, and now, a few days before leaving, our 15-year-old refused to go because it's not a ski vacation, no friends and no teens that speak English, they would not be able to communicate with the time difference with their friends, and it is too hot. This terrible location is Bali. The teen doesn't seem to care, refuses to go, and gets angry. We'll see if it's a bluff, but they are claiming to stay with Grandma as this will be too stressful for them and not enjoyable. Grandma will not be able to handle the teen, so one spouse is planning to stay behind. The teen has a history of oppositional defiance that we thought was worked pass with all the counseling but this came out of nowhere last minute. This is the last vacation we will do like this moving forward until the fING kids are out of the house, and it will just be spouses.

Anonymous wrote:Some teens are super busy and over scheduled. In that case, I could understand wanting to veg out during winter and spring break and just see friends vs go sightseeing with parents. If this is what is going on, I would cut my kid some slack. I love to travel, but sometimes after a crazy stretch at work, all I want is 4-5 days to do nothing.

I agree. In fact, I was thinking about nixing one of my vacation weeks this year, and just spreading those as a Monday off twice a month for a couple of months, while my kids are in school. That means I'd have the house to myself for several hours. BLISS. That sounds more rejuvenating to me than a full-blown vacation at this point.

Some teens are super busy and over scheduled. In that case, I could understand wanting to veg out during winter and spring break and just see friends vs go sightseeing with parents. If this is what is going on, I would cut my kid some slack. I love to travel, but sometimes after a crazy stretch at work, all I want is 4-5 days to do nothing.

Anonymous wrote:Why not ship them off to camp and then you and DH go on a nice int'l trip?

+1. Why spend twice the money to have less than optimum enjoyment (with 2 cranky teens)? Leave them with Grandma/pa for a week and enjoy yourselves.
- mom of 4

Yep. And I expect a decent attitude, so I get buy in. Once kids were in high school, I would come up with a list of 4 options/ destinations DH and I were excited about. And then we had family ranked choice voting. Kicked out everyone’s last choice and then the votes decided. Also, everyone in the family gets to choose a couple of (reasonable) activities for the family. We did a street art class in Paris with one kid, and a chocolate food tour with another. BUT, kids activities are scheduled later in the trip, and if you have a crappy attitude about someone else’s activity, I will cancel yours.

And high school kids, can’t hide in the hotel all day. But, when people start flagging, they can peel off and have some downtime. And, my kids are sensible and I trust them. So, in safe cities/ countries they can venture out together during the day and do something different than DH and I. Or walk to a nearby cafe for dinner while DH and I do something more formal.

Basically, once you have teens, you will almost always get much better results (in everything, not just travel) if you give them some control (or the illusion of control) and let them have some input, listen to their (constructive) suggestions.

So no— kids do not get to veto travel. But, as they get older they do get buy in and choices. I get the parents make decisions model. But, we ideally would have traveled with teens for 6-7 years. COVID cut that short. So, the trips should be something they will enjoy too. I turn 50 this year and my kids are college sophomores and seniors. The travel together phase is winding down with different college schedules, summer commitments, different breaks, etc. and, now the kids are doing college study abroad and DH and I are starting to plan trips that the kids were not as interested in.

Anonymous wrote:Depends why they don't want to travel. My answer is different if it is because they struggle with the disruption to their routine, hotel sleeping, jet lag, etc vs not wanting to spend time with family or missing electronics

This. My teens say they “hate” traveling because they miss electronics. But, they love it once they are already at the destination. Thus, I always force them to travel. It works for us.

My kid was happy to travel until he hit high school. Then he didn't want to go anywhere at all. An overseas plane trip? No. A short overnight car trip? No. Nothing. He just wanted to relax at home. We made him do a few trips for family events but that was it. Now he's in college and starting to like travel again.

Anonymous wrote:Your kids sound spoiled. My teen would jump at the chance to travel overseas.

Your kid sounds deprived. Cut back somewhere and save up to take your teen overseas.

Your kids sound spoiled. My teen would jump at the chance to travel overseas.