Anonymous wrote:My lifelong best friend is married to a guy who behaves exactly like this. In addition to interrupting always with exhaustive personal anecdotes, he pontificates about stuff he knows even if he just learned it and the worst thing he does is he tells nearly the entire plots of movies or books despite the listener begging repeatedly for him to stop revealing spoilers. He’s ruined so many movies for me I refuse to talk about anything except the superhero ones because I don’t watch them anyway.

I live downstairs from them in a split level we share - so in the times when I don’t have music or videos on, I can hear the monologues almost word for word he is that loud. He talks 3-4 times louder than my friend or her daughter. Sadly in recent years as she’s getting into her teen years, the daughter has started to exhibit similar conversation habits - very loud center of attention voice and rambles on and on about the same thing despite the point having clearly been made. At Xmas this year she engaged in a couple such episodes so it was like a back and forth between her and her dad who was dominating the conversation over nearly a dozen other people.

Both of them suffer from social anxiety disorder and I suspect this is at the root. They aren’t actually comfortable in their own skins and feel a compulsion to talk to fill space and in some way control the situation. A therapist might know how to help them with skills if they admitted the issue but he’s never had any interest in that route.

I have a lot of sympathy for my friend because her life is not just a ton of servitude (she does the overwhelming load of housework and family management) but she rarely if ever gets any quiet time except if they are both out of the house. Probably not a big surprise to hear that neither of them listens very well when she has something to say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think he may be on the autism spectrum in terms of not knowing when to shut up, not knowing interrupting is rude, and not understanding your years-long complaints.

But also he may have hearing loss that has progressed over the course of his life and that he does not admit to himself.

You need to get a whole lot more direct and annoyed, and insist on a audiology test until he gets one.

Also record conversations and play them back so he hears how loud he is compared to others. Tell him it's embarrassing in public. Refuse to go out with him, and tell him why.

Riiiiight....because everything in the OP points to ASD......

~DW and mother of people with ASD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried pointing the behavior out in the moment, each time? Rather than having a big conversation about it later?

Sounds massively annoying. I hope you can get through to him.

I have, many times…he humors me for awhile but then defaults to the same. If I remind too many times he will get annoyed & say something like “Larla, I’m talking at a normal volume. Seriously.” He truly does not see the issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He may need to get his hearing checked.

That's not snark, it's what happens when we age.

Do you want to hear something wild?
Go to YouTube and play the sounds that your teenagers can hear, but you and your husband will be all but deaf to... it's crazy.

It’s been going on since his 20s. It’s not hearing loss.

This is very common in ADHD, and I’m not one of the DCUM posters who thinks everything is ADHD or autism.

NP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think he may be on the autism spectrum in terms of not knowing when to shut up, not knowing interrupting is rude, and not understanding your years-long complaints.

But also he may have hearing loss that has progressed over the course of his life and that he does not admit to himself.

You need to get a whole lot more direct and annoyed, and insist on a audiology test until he gets one.

Also record conversations and play them back so he hears how loud he is compared to others. Tell him it's embarrassing in public. Refuse to go out with him, and tell him why.

According to women here anyone with an unusual behavior must be on the spectrum lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He may need to get his hearing checked.

That's not snark, it's what happens when we age.

Do you want to hear something wild?
Go to YouTube and play the sounds that your teenagers can hear, but you and your husband will be all but deaf to... it's crazy.

It’s been going on since his 20s. It’s not hearing loss.

This is very common in ADHD, and I’m not one of the DCUM posters who thinks everything is ADHD or autism.

NP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad is more or less exactly like this, and he’s now in his 70s. He does have hearing loss and did address it; however, that did not change his behavior. At this point, I chalk it up to never really learning how to socialize politely, and never being corrected early on. My parents have couple friends who tolerate him because they are my mom’s friends first. He had friends over years he only saw at work. A few other friends drifted away, and in hindsight, I bet it was because of this behavior. The wife would send a Christmas card, but that was the extent of the friendship.

And like OP’s husband, he’d never correct his behavior. My mom complained a bit but tolerated it. Now here she is 50 years later lucky to still have friends. I think she also got as stubborn as him in sone ways.

My DH also couldn’t stand dinners with them. At this point, we life a plane ride away. Surprisingly, these days, my dad is quieter, but I think it’s because he’s older, his hearing is worse, and he’s never been close with my DH and comfortable pontificating (that’s a whole other story). Perhaps it all comes down to how certain he feels the crowd he’s with will tolerate him, and agree with what he says?

Your DH doesn’t even acknowledge there is a problem. You have to accept he will continue this behavior and won’t change. Ever.

Anonymous wrote:My dad is more or less exactly like this, and he’s now in his 70s. He does have hearing loss and did address it; however, that did not change his behavior. At this point, I chalk it up to never really learning how to socialize politely, and never being corrected early on. My parents have couple friends who tolerate him because they are my mom’s friends first. He had friends over years he only saw at work. A few other friends drifted away, and in hindsight, I bet it was because of this behavior. The wife would send a Christmas card, but that was the extent of the friendship.

And like OP’s husband, he’d never correct his behavior. My mom complained a bit but tolerated it. Now here she is 50 years later lucky to still have friends. I think she also got as stubborn as him in sone ways.

My DH also couldn’t stand dinners with them. At this point, we life a plane ride away. Surprisingly, these days, my dad is quieter, but I think it’s because he’s older, his hearing is worse, and he’s never been close with my DH and comfortable pontificating (that’s a whole other story). Perhaps it all comes down to how certain he feels the crowd he’s with will tolerate him, and agree with what he says?

Anonymous wrote:https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0271530921000525

"To sustain the energy of social occasions, Italians often engage in a form of casual conversation that prioritizes sociability and the production of cheerful and vociferous ‘talking together’. This form of mundane talking (chiacchierare) features much simultaneous speaking and no competition for turns at talk, hence differs significantly from common conversational practices in many Anglo-American societies, demonstrating how the rules for conversation are far from universal. Conversational techniques used to accomplish talking together are described, including vocal gestures, repetition, prosody, rhythmic speaking, crescendos, and celebrations. Alongside voicing, listening is considered, and shown to be a critical component of sociable simultaneous talk."