What is it you are looking for, OP?

If you looking for a direction on what to do next, it isn't a therapist. They don't tell you what you should do or not do. Sometimes, you just need someone to tell you step 1 and its consequences.

I don't want this to be true as someone who has sank years and thousands into therapy to... feel, better?... about my parent's divorce. All it has done is robbed my of the time, energy and money I otherwise might have invested in escaping the town and settings that trapped me in the emotional turmoil. I would have rather taken my partner away and gotten distance from it all than tried to "work it out emotionally".

Its complex because meanwhile I have a partner in therapy who has survived severe alcoholism and is likely to need recovery support for the rest of his life. I don't know how to break cleanly from the system when its an intrinsic part of medical recovery. I live in limbo just trying to find peace and a future for us both.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you OP. I tried so many therapists and I think they made me weaker. I felt pitied, that therapists tried to help me blame xyz for my issues and not once did a therapist tell me to take responsibility for anything. I truly believe so many issues people face today are a result of therapy culture that guides people to obsess over the suffering caused by others and makes them weak as a result.

This is what I've always suspected, people they get paid to hear you talk. I personally know of someone who went to a therapist who was cheating on his spouse. Do you think the therapist told him not to or that it was wrong or a bad thing to do? Or do you think the therapist just kept it going and let him talk and took his money?

YES came here to say this. If someone tells their therapist about the objectively bad thing they did (like cheating) many therapists will basically validate it (let's look back on your childhood "trauma," poor you to self-sabotage this way...)

That might be part of it but no, no good therapist is just going to leave it that. Stop seeing bad therapists.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you OP. I tried so many therapists and I think they made me weaker. I felt pitied, that therapists tried to help me blame xyz for my issues and not once did a therapist tell me to take responsibility for anything. I truly believe so many issues people face today are a result of therapy culture that guides people to obsess over the suffering caused by others and makes them weak as a result.

This is what I've always suspected, people they get paid to hear you talk. I personally know of someone who went to a therapist who was cheating on his spouse. Do you think the therapist told him not to or that it was wrong or a bad thing to do? Or do you think the therapist just kept it going and let him talk and took his money?

YES came here to say this. If someone tells their therapist about the objectively bad thing they did (like cheating) many therapists will basically validate it (let's look back on your childhood "trauma," poor you to self-sabotage this way...)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you OP. I tried so many therapists and I think they made me weaker. I felt pitied, that therapists tried to help me blame xyz for my issues and not once did a therapist tell me to take responsibility for anything. I truly believe so many issues people face today are a result of therapy culture that guides people to obsess over the suffering caused by others and makes them weak as a result.

This is what I've always suspected, people they get paid to hear you talk. I personally know of someone who went to a therapist who was cheating on his spouse. Do you think the therapist told him not to or that it was wrong or a bad thing to do? Or do you think the therapist just kept it going and let him talk and took his money?

This is just bad therapy.

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you OP. I tried so many therapists and I think they made me weaker. I felt pitied, that therapists tried to help me blame xyz for my issues and not once did a therapist tell me to take responsibility for anything. I truly believe so many issues people face today are a result of therapy culture that guides people to obsess over the suffering caused by others and makes them weak as a result.

This is what I've always suspected, people they get paid to hear you talk. I personally know of someone who went to a therapist who was cheating on his spouse. Do you think the therapist told him not to or that it was wrong or a bad thing to do? Or do you think the therapist just kept it going and let him talk and took his money?

Anonymous wrote:I have the same issue with the counselor class at school. My kids had a lot of issues when it began. They’d go around telling people they weren’t filling their buckets. Instead of getting the message that they were mostly responsible for filling their own bucket. I feel like there’s a big emphasis on wallowing in your feelings vs resilience. I’m glad that they aren’t bullying each other but I think the emphasis should be on resilience. Learning to sit with your uncomfortable feelings and knowing that everyone has sad moments. How to work through anxiety.

This is too common. Therapy should be empowering not encourage pity and wallow. I see this more in young therapists though. This, along with the new trend of just cutting people out of your life completely is all dysfunctional and self-centered. There’s a difference between someone who shameless abused you and someone who is an imperfect human. Bad (and mostly young) therapists don’t distinguish and tell patients to cut them out. It’s lazy and immature.

I have the same issue with the counselor class at school. My kids had a lot of issues when it began. They’d go around telling people they weren’t filling their buckets. Instead of getting the message that they were mostly responsible for filling their own bucket. I feel like there’s a big emphasis on wallowing in your feelings vs resilience. I’m glad that they aren’t bullying each other but I think the emphasis should be on resilience. Learning to sit with your uncomfortable feelings and knowing that everyone has sad moments. How to work through anxiety.

Anonymous wrote:They are financially motivated to have people depend on them

Every therapist I know has a waitlist that is at least 4 - 6 months long or they have stopped adding people to it altogether. There really is no financial motivation for good therapists to keep clients longer than necessary.

My spouse has been going to a therapist. I had no opinion on whether it would help or not, but I can see that it made a huge difference. My spouse had lots of anxiety, OCD tendencies and is a lot more relaxed these days.

I’m with you OP. I tried so many therapists and I think they made me weaker. I felt pitied, that therapists tried to help me blame xyz for my issues and not once did a therapist tell me to take responsibility for anything. I truly believe so many issues people face today are a result of therapy culture that guides people to obsess over the suffering caused by others and makes them weak as a result.

I’ve been thinking about this, I’m just going to get a dog instead.

Anonymous wrote:Agreed. I have several friends who go to therapy and it’s clear that it doesn’t work. They all have a victim complex, use their trauma as an excuse for their behavior, and are very negative people in general. They are also extremely emotionally needy and always mention their “anxiety.” None of my friends in therapy have been able to work steady jobs for most of their adult lives and whine and cry when their parents won’t give them money for a trip or encourage them to get a job. It seems as if therapy just reinforces their neediness and childish behavior as the therapist probably tells them how great they are and how awful and wrong their families are. Therapists are enablers in a lot of cases. Nothing good usually comes from therapy.

The common denominator is you. You're either a crappy friend, or you surround yourself with emotionally unwell people.

I'm mixed. My DD went to several therapists and was able to have them focus on issues that weren't really issues instead of dealing with what her true problems were. I'd find out after 8 months that they spent all their time working on something that wasn't at all an issue. She had a traumatic experience at school that she still hasn't really gotten over... the therapists never seemed to address this. I personally have had a good experience with a therapist (struggling with what my DD had gone through)- I found it super helpful to have a sounding board.

If your spouse says "my therapy said this". Who cares? Your therapist only knows one side of it.