Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m starting to realize it’s about money. Her dad and stepmom bought her expensive gifts for Christmas and gifted her $1000 as well. Plus they’re currently in Saint Martin. I know it’s not a competition, but I really can’t compete with that in her eyes.

Wow. She sounds unsympathetic, as another poster said. She also sounds materialistic. I can’t imagine ignoring my mother after my father had done what your ex has done to OP. Has she always been this way? I’m sorry, OP. Hopefully you have friends, hobbies, and a busy work life.

I apologize if this has already been said, (I didn’t read all so sorry) but as a parent of a teen my heart aches for you, OP. What is dad doing in all this? He needs to step up and encourage a relationship with you. It sounds like micro alienation to me if he’s not. I do understand we have to let go in some ways, but at the end of the day, mom, you are her family too and both sides should be encouraging healthy relationships with each other, even if you don’t interact. Stay strong. Continue to be a constant and positive presence in her life but give her also a little space if she needs it too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's 16, a teenager. Teenagers want to set themselves apart from their parents. She's not your friend and doesn't want to be your friend so it's normal behavior to reject matching PJ's (which anyway sounds ridiculous). Be glad she has a good connection with her father and his girlfriend. She will need you as a mother but not as a leisure buddy.

It’s not that I’m trying to be her friend, I just want to spend quality time with her before she’s off to college and busy with her own life.

I know. But her stepmom can actually be her friend because she's not your daughters parent.

This is hard, but you ARE mom and your daughter WILL come around. It might take a few years, but mom is absolutely irreplaceable and she'll come around again. Give it some time.

She may come around, but she really might not. Did you read what the OP wrote? Daughter refused to wear matching Christmas pjs with mom because it was babyish, but posed in matching Christmas PJ photos with stepmom. That’s a huge BETRAYAL. It would be one thing if daughter said that she’d rather get a grownup-ish mani/pedi with stepmom than bake Christmas cookies with mom because that babyish. But here, daughter did what she thought was babyish and took photos of it. It’s not like matching Christmas pjs became less babyish to a 16 year old. I see something much more layered going on, that I suspect has to do with money, power and respect. I also suspect how much daughter will come around down the road will have more to do with how much money dad and stepmom are willing to share with her more than anything else.

+1
Daughter might be materialistic and she may take more after her father’s traits. Now if the stepmom ends up having her own baby things might change.

I'm sorry OP. I think would feel jealous too if I were you. But probably deep down, you know that you have to be her mom, and not her BFF, as others have said, love her unconditionally, and let her have already said. Let her enjoy this good relationship with her stepmom. You won't lose her as long as you are a good mom. You're more likely to lose her if you act out on the jealousy, make snide or self-injured comments, express disapproval etc. I know it's really hard, and I'm so sorry this hurts.

My sister and I have divorced parents so I have some experience with this from the other side. My mom is very jealous and insecure and acted very hurt because my sister developed a friendship with our stepmom. My sister complained to me about my mom's jealousy a lot. My mom also complained to me a lot about my sister's friendship with the stepmom because I was the older daughter. My mom's neediness actually prevented me from having a close relationship with my dad and stepmom because I was afraid of hurting my mom's feelings. We both love our mom very much, but we wish she weren't so insecure.

Maybe a mother/daughter weekend getaway to try and bond? have a chance to spends lots of one on one time to really try and reconnect would be my suggestion.

Pick a place you know she would like. Best of luck!

Hugs OP! I couldn't wait to get away from my mom at that age, but not bc I didn't love her. I actually think she's a great mom, even if she drove me crazy sometimes as a teenager. I agree, just give space and try not to be bitter about the situation. Maybe put some focus into one of your personal interests/hobbies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's 16, a teenager. Teenagers want to set themselves apart from their parents. She's not your friend and doesn't want to be your friend so it's normal behavior to reject matching PJ's (which anyway sounds ridiculous). Be glad she has a good connection with her father and his girlfriend. She will need you as a mother but not as a leisure buddy.

It’s not that I’m trying to be her friend, I just want to spend quality time with her before she’s off to college and busy with her own life.

I know. But her stepmom can actually be her friend because she's not your daughters parent.

This is hard, but you ARE mom and your daughter WILL come around. It might take a few years, but mom is absolutely irreplaceable and she'll come around again. Give it some time.

She may come around, but she really might not. Did you read what the OP wrote? Daughter refused to wear matching Christmas pjs with mom because it was babyish, but posed in matching Christmas PJ photos with stepmom. That’s a huge BETRAYAL. It would be one thing if daughter said that she’d rather get a grownup-ish mani/pedi with stepmom than bake Christmas cookies with mom because that babyish. But here, daughter did what she thought was babyish and took photos of it. It’s not like matching Christmas pjs became less babyish to a 16 year old. I see something much more layered going on, that I suspect has to do with money, power and respect. I also suspect how much daughter will come around down the road will have more to do with how much money dad and stepmom are willing to share with her more than anything else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's 16, a teenager. Teenagers want to set themselves apart from their parents. She's not your friend and doesn't want to be your friend so it's normal behavior to reject matching PJ's (which anyway sounds ridiculous). Be glad she has a good connection with her father and his girlfriend. She will need you as a mother but not as a leisure buddy.

It’s not that I’m trying to be her friend, I just want to spend quality time with her before she’s off to college and busy with her own life.

I know. But her stepmom can actually be her friend because she's not your daughters parent.

This is hard, but you ARE mom and your daughter WILL come around. It might take a few years, but mom is absolutely irreplaceable and she'll come around again. Give it some time.