Anonymous wrote:IME adult men (past age 30) who claim they can't control it just don't want to. They come quickly because they just want to get their fix without concern about whether the woman is satisfied. Taking a long time before coming requires effort and self-control, which many men will only bother with if they feel the situation warrants it. It also allows the couple to engage in multiple positions and spend time with a lot of foreplay before any sort of PIV takes place or in between PIV positions. I'm a woman and many girlfriends have complained about how long their partner takes to come, as in they want to get it over with quickly. That seems really sad to me. I like to extend the encounter as long as possible and enjoy different facets of the other person's body. The man doesn't have to be rock hard for PIV the entire time, but if he comes, that usually means that all the action stops and you have to hope that he recovers in time for you to have another go. I'm not married though, so I'm not talking about sex with someone whose body you already know inside out and have possibly become bored by.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from the libido thread. What is normal in the 35 and older man range? Can most guys still go multiple rounds? How long can they last? How much sex do they want? I know there is no one size fits all answer but just am curious because I am coming out of a long relationship and am wondering what to expect.

Also many drugs, such as Propecia, finasteride, antidepressants, etc. allegedly may have libido destroying elements.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One hour is too long for me. Ouch.

My wife gets impatient if it goes for more than 10 minutes! Of course, she can't finish from intercourse, so that impacts things.

At 40, I would definitely have needed 20-30 minutes in between and the 2nd time wasn't as fun. Hard to determine if that was age or Zoloft, but probably a mixture. I could definitely do every day if it was just once.

The vast majority of women cannot finish from PIV. Your wife is normal. I love sex but can’t finish from PIV, and my partner is generous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but notice that this thread does not consider how the woman's skills/open-mindedness play into things. A lot of highly educated UMC women are very vanilla and conservative in bed and do not give the impression that suggestions for spicing things up would be favorably received. Whenever I read this forum, I always wonder how many cases of "ED," "low drive," and "long refractory period" are actually cases of a man who's bored out of his mind. I'm not saying it's all on the woman, but you need to ask yourself whether you're putting in enough effort to make it fun. Of course you shouldn't do something that you find utterly disgusting and degrading, but you'd be surprised: a lot of men aren't into that stuff either. This forum gets carried away sometimes with the idea that male desire is inevitably gross.

And men need to get their own act together! Getting in shape, quitting porn, and even experimenting with s*men retention (i.e. man doesn't finish every time) are all great ways to bring a "low drive" man back from the dead. The ball is in his court with those, and you have a right to expect your man to put in more effort, too.

Ha! Stop projecting. I’m a DW with a low libido husband and every attempt at a new position or activity has been my idea for the entirety of our 15 year marriage. DH just isn’t into sex as much as I am and likes doing the same thing a lot. Just because the women you see out in the world seem vanilla and conservative doesn’t mean they are like that in the bedroom! No one who knows me would guess.

How fat are you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One hour is too long for me. Ouch.

My wife gets impatient if it goes for more than 10 minutes! Of course, she can't finish from intercourse, so that impacts things.

At 40, I would definitely have needed 20-30 minutes in between and the 2nd time wasn't as fun. Hard to determine if that was age or Zoloft, but probably a mixture. I could definitely do every day if it was just once.

Anonymous wrote:I am 52 and don’t need Viagra. I do, however, struggle to finish sometimes.

I do associate that more often with alcohol consumption so generally don’t drink when I anticipate I might get lucky.

I can usually take care of myself pretty quickly but if I do that, it also makes it harder to finish when having partnered sex, so I have laid off the self abuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Multiple rounds? Meaning they finish and then can keep it up without a break? I don't think many men in their 20s can do this.

I think multiple rounds mean with a relatively short break

How long of a break? If we stop for 30 minutes, I'm going to be dry and not really up for it again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 50ish man stayed hard for an entire hour the first time we had sex and then finally finished after I'd already had 3 Os. I've since learned that he works hard at not finishing until he's determined that I'm ready for things to end. He goes to the gym at least 4 times a week and is in good health. He says that the length of time he can hold out depends on how excited about the woman he is, and that with his last partner he'd generally last at most 25-30 minutes even at the beginning of their relationship. In that situation, she pursued him and she wasn't his usual physical type. In our case, he pursued me and sees me as the great catch, so he seems to be working hard at impressing me in bed. He also says I'm his dream girl type, physically. I've seen pictures of his ex-wife when she was young and she has a similar body and look as me. A man's view of the woman's desirability can shape what his body will do in the moment.

Doesn't this imply he isn't very excited about you?

It means he took a pill, and then fed her a story.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:44 year old female who had a a lot of 'practice' in college. A lot. I have never once met a man who was able to go twice in a row.

As a younger man, I think I was both capable and interested in going twice in a row exactly twice in my life. Otherwise, I needed at least a 20 minute break. (At 50, a two day break is more like it.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from the libido thread. What is normal in the 35 and older man range? Can most guys still go multiple rounds? How long can they last? How much sex do they want? I know there is no one size fits all answer but just am curious because I am coming out of a long relationship and am wondering what to expect.

It’s the ‘20s. Men’s libidos in the 2020s have drastically reduced much faster than ever.

Many experts states this has to do with gratification from pornography and wild scenarios seen in pornography.

Also many drugs, such as Propecia, finasteride, antidepressants, etc. allegedly may have libido destroying elements.

I’d say it’s possibly more typical firm in his 40s to become asexual than not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:44 year old female who had a a lot of 'practice' in college. A lot. I have never once met a man who was able to go twice in a row.

As a younger man, I think I was both capable and interested in going twice in a row exactly twice in my life. Otherwise, I needed at least a 20 minute break. (At 50, a two day break is more like it.)

So weird: I'm a 45 yo F who had only 2 partners before my exH. He was definitely able to go twice in one evening and then once in the morning throughout 16 years long marriage. He stopping being able to around at 52. Both other partners also could. One of men I dated after divorce also could. So out of 5 men 4 could do it

The hormone prolactin in men is responsible for the refractory period between orgasm events, after orgasm the pituitary dumps prolactin which is responsible for your unit going down but also giving you the intense desire to just lay there and maybe fall asleep. The older men get the longer it takes to clear prolactin, a healthy 18-year-old with no stress will have nearly undetectable levels but an old man with 3 kids, an unhappy wife, a mortgage and an under performing 401(k) will have much much higher levels.

There’s a medication called cabergoline which lowers prolactin, take enough of it and it drives the blood levels down to teenager levels, so if you want to go three rounds in a row (zero refractory period)at 50 take 1.5mg of cabergoline about three hours before.

It’s OK for once or twice a year but if you abuse it it can screw around with your dopamine system and you’ll never experience true happiness again.

Anonymous wrote:I have a 55 year old friend, he divorced his wife and his current girlfriend is in her late 40’s, he suffered from erectile dysfunction while he was married however that is no longer the case.
Familiarity breeds contempt as well as it destroys erections.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:44 year old female who had a a lot of 'practice' in college. A lot. I have never once met a man who was able to go twice in a row.

As a younger man, I think I was both capable and interested in going twice in a row exactly twice in my life. Otherwise, I needed at least a 20 minute break. (At 50, a two day break is more like it.)

So weird: I'm a 45 yo F who had only 2 partners before my exH. He was definitely able to go twice in one evening and then once in the morning throughout 16 years long marriage. He stopping being able to around at 52. Both other partners also could. One of men I dated after divorce also could. So out of 5 men 4 could do it