Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just broke up with a friend who now is posting a lot about me in the DCUM Relationship Discussion Board, with lots of identifying information. So that's fun.

Details! Dish!

I thought with time we could figure it out but her behavior is really closing that door. I didn't really realize over the years how much she truly hated me. It has made me wonder why in hell she was friends with me if she thought so little of me. Why did she never say anything?

Why do people maintain friendships with people they secretly despise?

Frenemies, yes. I have never understood this. I don't understand the point of pretending to be friends while you do nothing but criticize each other and talk $hit behind one another's backs. What is the point? Just go be your own person.

I should have figured it out because she does she talked s**t about her other friends to me. And the things she said were brutal, like a couple she's friends with were bad parents (she has no kids), or one woman was lying about traumas she was in therapy for. Like, she would talk about someone else's deeply confided issues and make fun of them. Idk, do you tell the other people that she talked crap about?

Is that not triangulation? Sounds like toxic behavior on your part.

It wouldn't be triangulation as I'm not friends with the other people (so no triangle). And I did call her out when she was mocking the one woman about her traumas. And did try to suggest to her that her viewpoint on parenting is perhaps unjustified because she's not a parent. So oddly, I did stick up for those other people.

but yes, it was toxic of me to listen and not to leave her based on that. I probably enabled the behavior and helped her hurt those other people.

Triangulation does not require a literal friendship triangle, but you can conduct your smear campaign if you like.

+1 It's textbook narcissistic abuse:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/10/triangulation-and-narcissism#1

https://www.narcissistexposed.com/narcissist-smear-campaign/

So we're saying my ex-friend is a narcissist? Huh. That would jibe.

No, the PP talking about a smear campaign is describing narcissistic abuse. I'm not saying she isn't. I don't know anything but your perspective and intent. But your quickness to jump on this without reading the links suggests that maybe she is better off.

I did read the links. My ex-friend apparently was engaged in a smear campaign against her other friends, and was using me as the "accomplice." The links suggest this is a behavior of narcissistic abuse toward her other friends.

Yeah, sure you read all three links in oh, about 2.5 minutes. You already said you weren't friends with the victims which would be required for a smear campaign, it's just like the PP above said with people weaponizing therapy speak that they don't understand. Which you should try.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just broke up with a friend who now is posting a lot about me in the DCUM Relationship Discussion Board, with lots of identifying information. So that's fun.

Details! Dish!

I thought with time we could figure it out but her behavior is really closing that door. I didn't really realize over the years how much she truly hated me. It has made me wonder why in hell she was friends with me if she thought so little of me. Why did she never say anything?

Why do people maintain friendships with people they secretly despise?

Frenemies, yes. I have never understood this. I don't understand the point of pretending to be friends while you do nothing but criticize each other and talk $hit behind one another's backs. What is the point? Just go be your own person.

I should have figured it out because she does she talked s**t about her other friends to me. And the things she said were brutal, like a couple she's friends with were bad parents (she has no kids), or one woman was lying about traumas she was in therapy for. Like, she would talk about someone else's deeply confided issues and make fun of them. Idk, do you tell the other people that she talked crap about?

Is that not triangulation? Sounds like toxic behavior on your part.

It wouldn't be triangulation as I'm not friends with the other people (so no triangle). And I did call her out when she was mocking the one woman about her traumas. And did try to suggest to her that her viewpoint on parenting is perhaps unjustified because she's not a parent. So oddly, I did stick up for those other people.

but yes, it was toxic of me to listen and not to leave her based on that. I probably enabled the behavior and helped her hurt those other people.

Triangulation does not require a literal friendship triangle, but you can conduct your smear campaign if you like.

+1 It's textbook narcissistic abuse:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/10/triangulation-and-narcissism#1

https://www.narcissistexposed.com/narcissist-smear-campaign/

So we're saying my ex-friend is a narcissist? Huh. That would jibe.

No, the PP talking about a smear campaign is describing narcissistic abuse. I'm not saying she isn't. I don't know anything but your perspective and intent. But your quickness to jump on this without reading the links suggests that maybe she is better off.

I did read the links. My ex-friend apparently was engaged in a smear campaign against her other friends, and was using me as the "accomplice." The links suggest this is a behavior of narcissistic abuse toward her other friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just broke up with a friend who now is posting a lot about me in the DCUM Relationship Discussion Board, with lots of identifying information. So that's fun.

Details! Dish!

I thought with time we could figure it out but her behavior is really closing that door. I didn't really realize over the years how much she truly hated me. It has made me wonder why in hell she was friends with me if she thought so little of me. Why did she never say anything?

Why do people maintain friendships with people they secretly despise?

Frenemies, yes. I have never understood this. I don't understand the point of pretending to be friends while you do nothing but criticize each other and talk $hit behind one another's backs. What is the point? Just go be your own person.

I should have figured it out because she does she talked s**t about her other friends to me. And the things she said were brutal, like a couple she's friends with were bad parents (she has no kids), or one woman was lying about traumas she was in therapy for. Like, she would talk about someone else's deeply confided issues and make fun of them. Idk, do you tell the other people that she talked crap about?

Is that not triangulation? Sounds like toxic behavior on your part.

It wouldn't be triangulation as I'm not friends with the other people (so no triangle). And I did call her out when she was mocking the one woman about her traumas. And did try to suggest to her that her viewpoint on parenting is perhaps unjustified because she's not a parent. So oddly, I did stick up for those other people.

but yes, it was toxic of me to listen and not to leave her based on that. I probably enabled the behavior and helped her hurt those other people.

Triangulation does not require a literal friendship triangle, but you can conduct your smear campaign if you like.

+1 It's textbook narcissistic abuse:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/10/triangulation-and-narcissism#1

https://www.narcissistexposed.com/narcissist-smear-campaign/

So we're saying my ex-friend is a narcissist? Huh. That would jibe.

No, the PP talking about a smear campaign is describing narcissistic abuse. I'm not saying she isn't. I don't know anything but your perspective and intent. But your quickness to jump on this without reading the links suggests that maybe she is better off.

I did read the links. My ex-friend apparently was engaged in a smear campaign against her other friends, and was using me as the "accomplice." The links suggest this is a behavior of narcissistic abuse toward her other friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just broke up with a friend who now is posting a lot about me in the DCUM Relationship Discussion Board, with lots of identifying information. So that's fun.

Details! Dish!

I thought with time we could figure it out but her behavior is really closing that door. I didn't really realize over the years how much she truly hated me. It has made me wonder why in hell she was friends with me if she thought so little of me. Why did she never say anything?

Why do people maintain friendships with people they secretly despise?

Frenemies, yes. I have never understood this. I don't understand the point of pretending to be friends while you do nothing but criticize each other and talk $hit behind one another's backs. What is the point? Just go be your own person.

I should have figured it out because she does she talked s**t about her other friends to me. And the things she said were brutal, like a couple she's friends with were bad parents (she has no kids), or one woman was lying about traumas she was in therapy for. Like, she would talk about someone else's deeply confided issues and make fun of them. Idk, do you tell the other people that she talked crap about?

Is that not triangulation? Sounds like toxic behavior on your part.

It wouldn't be triangulation as I'm not friends with the other people (so no triangle). And I did call her out when she was mocking the one woman about her traumas. And did try to suggest to her that her viewpoint on parenting is perhaps unjustified because she's not a parent. So oddly, I did stick up for those other people.

but yes, it was toxic of me to listen and not to leave her based on that. I probably enabled the behavior and helped her hurt those other people.

Triangulation does not require a literal friendship triangle, but you can conduct your smear campaign if you like.

+1 It's textbook narcissistic abuse:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/10/triangulation-and-narcissism#1

https://www.narcissistexposed.com/narcissist-smear-campaign/

So we're saying my ex-friend is a narcissist? Huh. That would jibe.

No, the PP talking about a smear campaign is describing narcissistic abuse. I'm not saying she isn't. I don't know anything but your perspective and intent. But your quickness to jump on this without reading the links suggests that maybe she is better off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just broke up with a friend who now is posting a lot about me in the DCUM Relationship Discussion Board, with lots of identifying information. So that's fun.

Details! Dish!

I thought with time we could figure it out but her behavior is really closing that door. I didn't really realize over the years how much she truly hated me. It has made me wonder why in hell she was friends with me if she thought so little of me. Why did she never say anything?

Why do people maintain friendships with people they secretly despise?

Frenemies, yes. I have never understood this. I don't understand the point of pretending to be friends while you do nothing but criticize each other and talk $hit behind one another's backs. What is the point? Just go be your own person.

I should have figured it out because she does she talked s**t about her other friends to me. And the things she said were brutal, like a couple she's friends with were bad parents (she has no kids), or one woman was lying about traumas she was in therapy for. Like, she would talk about someone else's deeply confided issues and make fun of them. Idk, do you tell the other people that she talked crap about?

Is that not triangulation? Sounds like toxic behavior on your part.

It wouldn't be triangulation as I'm not friends with the other people (so no triangle). And I did call her out when she was mocking the one woman about her traumas. And did try to suggest to her that her viewpoint on parenting is perhaps unjustified because she's not a parent. So oddly, I did stick up for those other people.

but yes, it was toxic of me to listen and not to leave her based on that. I probably enabled the behavior and helped her hurt those other people.

Triangulation does not require a literal friendship triangle, but you can conduct your smear campaign if you like.

+1 It's textbook narcissistic abuse:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/10/triangulation-and-narcissism#1

https://www.narcissistexposed.com/narcissist-smear-campaign/

So we're saying my ex-friend is a narcissist? Huh. That would jibe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just broke up with a friend who now is posting a lot about me in the DCUM Relationship Discussion Board, with lots of identifying information. So that's fun.

Details! Dish!

I thought with time we could figure it out but her behavior is really closing that door. I didn't really realize over the years how much she truly hated me. It has made me wonder why in hell she was friends with me if she thought so little of me. Why did she never say anything?

Why do people maintain friendships with people they secretly despise?

Frenemies, yes. I have never understood this. I don't understand the point of pretending to be friends while you do nothing but criticize each other and talk $hit behind one another's backs. What is the point? Just go be your own person.

I should have figured it out because she does she talked s**t about her other friends to me. And the things she said were brutal, like a couple she's friends with were bad parents (she has no kids), or one woman was lying about traumas she was in therapy for. Like, she would talk about someone else's deeply confided issues and make fun of them. Idk, do you tell the other people that she talked crap about?

Is that not triangulation? Sounds like toxic behavior on your part.

It wouldn't be triangulation as I'm not friends with the other people (so no triangle). And I did call her out when she was mocking the one woman about her traumas. And did try to suggest to her that her viewpoint on parenting is perhaps unjustified because she's not a parent. So oddly, I did stick up for those other people.

but yes, it was toxic of me to listen and not to leave her based on that. I probably enabled the behavior and helped her hurt those other people.

Triangulation does not require a literal friendship triangle, but you can conduct your smear campaign if you like.

+1 It's textbook narcissistic abuse:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/10/triangulation-and-narcissism#1

https://www.narcissistexposed.com/narcissist-smear-campaign/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is why I've taken to having just a few very close friends that come and go from my life over the years. I don't have time in the day to deal with some of the petty stuff described here.

It's exhausting and also a good reason why I think it's worth it invest in family, whether that's your family of origin or getting married or having kids or staying close with your cousins or all of the above. I have friends and I care about them (but notably, I have male and female friends and no "girl group" which I think helps minimize the worst behavior) but at the end of the day people can claim all they want that friends will really be there for you but it's family who actually shows up. "Found family" sounds great but actual family is better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just broke up with a friend who now is posting a lot about me in the DCUM Relationship Discussion Board, with lots of identifying information. So that's fun.

Details! Dish!

I thought with time we could figure it out but her behavior is really closing that door. I didn't really realize over the years how much she truly hated me. It has made me wonder why in hell she was friends with me if she thought so little of me. Why did she never say anything?

Why do people maintain friendships with people they secretly despise?

Frenemies, yes. I have never understood this. I don't understand the point of pretending to be friends while you do nothing but criticize each other and talk $hit behind one another's backs. What is the point? Just go be your own person.

I should have figured it out because she does she talked s**t about her other friends to me. And the things she said were brutal, like a couple she's friends with were bad parents (she has no kids), or one woman was lying about traumas she was in therapy for. Like, she would talk about someone else's deeply confided issues and make fun of them. Idk, do you tell the other people that she talked crap about?

Is that not triangulation? Sounds like toxic behavior on your part.

It wouldn't be triangulation as I'm not friends with the other people (so no triangle). And I did call her out when she was mocking the one woman about her traumas. And did try to suggest to her that her viewpoint on parenting is perhaps unjustified because she's not a parent. So oddly, I did stick up for those other people.

but yes, it was toxic of me to listen and not to leave her based on that. I probably enabled the behavior and helped her hurt those other people.

Triangulation does not require a literal friendship triangle, but you can conduct your smear campaign if you like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just broke up with a friend who now is posting a lot about me in the DCUM Relationship Discussion Board, with lots of identifying information. So that's fun.

Details! Dish!

I thought with time we could figure it out but her behavior is really closing that door. I didn't really realize over the years how much she truly hated me. It has made me wonder why in hell she was friends with me if she thought so little of me. Why did she never say anything?

Why do people maintain friendships with people they secretly despise?

Frenemies, yes. I have never understood this. I don't understand the point of pretending to be friends while you do nothing but criticize each other and talk $hit behind one another's backs. What is the point? Just go be your own person.

I should have figured it out because she does she talked s**t about her other friends to me. And the things she said were brutal, like a couple she's friends with were bad parents (she has no kids), or one woman was lying about traumas she was in therapy for. Like, she would talk about someone else's deeply confided issues and make fun of them. Idk, do you tell the other people that she talked crap about?

Is that not triangulation? Sounds like toxic behavior on your part.

It wouldn't be triangulation as I'm not friends with the other people (so no triangle). And I did call her out when she was mocking the one woman about her traumas. And did try to suggest to her that her viewpoint on parenting is perhaps unjustified because she's not a parent. So oddly, I did stick up for those other people.

but yes, it was toxic of me to listen and not to leave her based on that. I probably enabled the behavior and helped her hurt those other people.

Triangulation does not require a literal friendship triangle, but you can conduct your smear campaign if you like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just broke up with a friend who now is posting a lot about me in the DCUM Relationship Discussion Board, with lots of identifying information. So that's fun.

Details! Dish!

I thought with time we could figure it out but her behavior is really closing that door. I didn't really realize over the years how much she truly hated me. It has made me wonder why in hell she was friends with me if she thought so little of me. Why did she never say anything?

Why do people maintain friendships with people they secretly despise?

Frenemies, yes. I have never understood this. I don't understand the point of pretending to be friends while you do nothing but criticize each other and talk $hit behind one another's backs. What is the point? Just go be your own person.

I should have figured it out because she does she talked s**t about her other friends to me. And the things she said were brutal, like a couple she's friends with were bad parents (she has no kids), or one woman was lying about traumas she was in therapy for. Like, she would talk about someone else's deeply confided issues and make fun of them. Idk, do you tell the other people that she talked crap about?

Is that not triangulation? Sounds like toxic behavior on your part.

It wouldn't be triangulation as I'm not friends with the other people (so no triangle). And I did call her out when she was mocking the one woman about her traumas. And did try to suggest to her that her viewpoint on parenting is perhaps unjustified because she's not a parent. So oddly, I did stick up for those other people.

but yes, it was toxic of me to listen and not to leave her based on that. I probably enabled the behavior and helped her hurt those other people.

Triangulation does not require a literal friendship triangle, but you can conduct your smear campaign if you like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is why I've taken to having just a few very close friends that come and go from my life over the years. I don't have time in the day to deal with some of the petty stuff described here.

I dont understand what you mean by close friends who come and go.

I have friends that I don't talk to for months, and then when we do we have long, deep convos. I've had friends that I fell out of touch with when one of us moved to a different city, and we are not in touch any more. Then we move to the same city again and we are in touch again. But there's never any drama associated with moving away and coming back. There aren't hurt feelings.

That's how I view adult friendships: They may become stronger or weaker depending on everything else going on in people's lives. It's just ebb and tide, enjoy what's there when it's there.

That sounds really nice. Where or how do you acquire them or are your relationships set by the time you leave college?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just broke up with a friend who now is posting a lot about me in the DCUM Relationship Discussion Board, with lots of identifying information. So that's fun.

Details! Dish!

I thought with time we could figure it out but her behavior is really closing that door. I didn't really realize over the years how much she truly hated me. It has made me wonder why in hell she was friends with me if she thought so little of me. Why did she never say anything?

Why do people maintain friendships with people they secretly despise?

Frenemies, yes. I have never understood this. I don't understand the point of pretending to be friends while you do nothing but criticize each other and talk $hit behind one another's backs. What is the point? Just go be your own person.

I should have figured it out because she does she talked s**t about her other friends to me. And the things she said were brutal, like a couple she's friends with were bad parents (she has no kids), or one woman was lying about traumas she was in therapy for. Like, she would talk about someone else's deeply confided issues and make fun of them. Idk, do you tell the other people that she talked crap about?

Is that not triangulation? Sounds like toxic behavior on your part.

It wouldn't be triangulation as I'm not friends with the other people (so no triangle). And I did call her out when she was mocking the one woman about her traumas. And did try to suggest to her that her viewpoint on parenting is perhaps unjustified because she's not a parent. So oddly, I did stick up for those other people.

but yes, it was toxic of me to listen and not to leave her based on that. I probably enabled the behavior and helped her hurt those other people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is why I've taken to having just a few very close friends that come and go from my life over the years. I don't have time in the day to deal with some of the petty stuff described here.

I dont understand what you mean by close friends who come and go.

I have friends that I don't talk to for months, and then when we do we have long, deep convos. I've had friends that I fell out of touch with when one of us moved to a different city, and we are not in touch any more. Then we move to the same city again and we are in touch again. But there's never any drama associated with moving away and coming back. There aren't hurt feelings.

That's how I view adult friendships: They may become stronger or weaker depending on everything else going on in people's lives. It's just ebb and tide, enjoy what's there when it's there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just broke up with a friend who now is posting a lot about me in the DCUM Relationship Discussion Board, with lots of identifying information. So that's fun.

Details! Dish!

I thought with time we could figure it out but her behavior is really closing that door. I didn't really realize over the years how much she truly hated me. It has made me wonder why in hell she was friends with me if she thought so little of me. Why did she never say anything?

Why do people maintain friendships with people they secretly despise?

Frenemies, yes. I have never understood this. I don't understand the point of pretending to be friends while you do nothing but criticize each other and talk $hit behind one another's backs. What is the point? Just go be your own person.

I should have figured it out because she does she talked s**t about her other friends to me. And the things she said were brutal, like a couple she's friends with were bad parents (she has no kids), or one woman was lying about traumas she was in therapy for. Like, she would talk about someone else's deeply confided issues and make fun of them. Idk, do you tell the other people that she talked crap about?

Is that not triangulation? Sounds like toxic behavior on your part.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is why I've taken to having just a few very close friends that come and go from my life over the years. I don't have time in the day to deal with some of the petty stuff described here.

I dont understand what you mean by close friends who come and go.