Don't forget Gottman's Four Horsemen.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-6-things-that-predict-divorce/

https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/#:~:text=After%20watching%20thousands%20of%20couples,contempt%2C%20defensiveness%2C%20and%20stonewalling

These articles may seem far fetched to some, and they don't match up well to the DCUM theories, but Gottman captures why my marriage failed very well. My spouse expressed contempt for me frequently. By the time my spouse finally claimed a desire to change, it was too late. I was too angry and had too many bitter memories. My spouse's desire to change also seemed like little more than a convenient response to my announcement that we were done.

My divorce reasons after more than two decades:

1. Growing apart
2. No sex (I never once turned him down)
3. Kids grown, did not want to spend the future in the marriage

Marriage

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

"Couples who have friends who divorce have a 75% increase in the risk of their own marriage ending. Even couples with two degrees of separation from divorce still have a 33% greater risk."

This makes no sense. Who doesn’t have a friend who’s divorced? That’s everybody.

Maybe some young couple? Or very religious? Then it all makes sense.

I’m 40 and an atheist. Out of my close married friends and married family members (parents, siblings, aunts/uncles, first cousins) there are no divorces. This is out of 25+ couples.

Probably 75% of the people we know are still married to their first spouse. 40-50, mostly married 15-20 years.

Of the ones that are not, the common themes are lack of family support and significant mental health issues in one or both spouses.
And nearly all of the re-marriages have failed.

Anonymous wrote:Amongst our 50yr old friends and town, the main factor is the men having mid-life crisis affairs

In our neighborhood, it was 45-50 year old women having affairs. Perhaps with the men in your neighborhood …

Amongst our 50yr old friends and town, the main factor is the men having mid-life crisis affairs

Anonymous wrote:Being in your 40s and 50s and not knowing any divorces is nuts to me. I know very few divorces among close friends or family (one of each) but tons and tons of divorces among my broader friend circle, neighbors, and colleagues.

I don't think divorce is inevitable but I've been surprised by enough divorce announcements not to assume it's an impossibility.

Among our UMC immigrants professional crowd with 20+ year marriages with 2+ kids, divorces aren't common at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

"Couples who have friends who divorce have a 75% increase in the risk of their own marriage ending. Even couples with two degrees of separation from divorce still have a 33% greater risk."

This makes no sense. Who doesn’t have a friend who’s divorced? That’s everybody.

I don't have any friends or family who are divorced. My friends are for the most part very happily married, as are our parents and grandparents.

Are you over 40?

NP and I'm nearly 50 and have no friends or family who are divorced.

Another poster. 53 and same.

I think this was me. In that short time - it went from 0 to 4.

3 are gray divorces- kids at empty nest or about to be.

1 completely shocked. 5 year marriage of a young relative (early 30s).

5 year marriage dissolving is not that shocking. Even the stats say it occurs mainly in the less than 10yr crowd

It was completely out of the blue. Acted like everything great. At all family functions, talking about future, having kids —-then just stopped talking, and gave papers. Really bizarre.

Anonymous wrote:The biggest myth is that half of all marriages end in divorce. Not even close.

Surely it's much higher, if close to half of first marriages do, and close to 70% (more or less) of second and third marriages do?

1. Growing apart over the years
2. Sexless marriage
3. Alcohol

Being in your 40s and 50s and not knowing any divorces is nuts to me. I know very few divorces among close friends or family (one of each) but tons and tons of divorces among my broader friend circle, neighbors, and colleagues.

I don't think divorce is inevitable but I've been surprised by enough divorce announcements not to assume it's an impossibility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

"Couples who have friends who divorce have a 75% increase in the risk of their own marriage ending. Even couples with two degrees of separation from divorce still have a 33% greater risk."

This makes no sense. Who doesn’t have a friend who’s divorced? That’s everybody.

I don't have any friends or family who are divorced. My friends are for the most part very happily married, as are our parents and grandparents.

Are you over 40?

NP and I'm nearly 50 and have no friends or family who are divorced.

Another poster. 53 and same.

I think this was me. In that short time - it went from 0 to 4.

3 are gray divorces- kids at empty nest or about to be.

1 completely shocked. 5 year marriage of a young relative (early 30s).

5 year marriage dissolving is not that shocking. Even the stats say it occurs mainly in the less than 10yr crowd