According to my son’s trainer, who played in two NCAA tournaments and one final 4, played and coached internationally for a dozen years, and coached a VA state championship HS team, talent isn’t really required to succeed in basketball before college.

I think when a lot of people see “talent”, what they’re not seeing is thousands of hours of gym time - a lot of which is really, really painful or mind numbingly boring or both.

When my kid was young, he had no talent. After many years of year round basketball, individual workouts at least once a week and 2 hours in the gym every day that there was no practice, suddenly everyone was amazed at his natural talent.

Wouldn’t it be more rewarding to put her hard work towards something she can excel at? What’s the point of consistently “killing it” in practice with no payoff in the games? Why not try a sport where that level of conditioning will pay off for her. Working twice as hard as everyone else for half the success seems pointless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you say she is the hardest working? And how can you really know? You really can't know what other kids are doing outside of team practices. There are lots of levels and definitions of success in sports, and this may not be the right level of competition for her. That may seem a bit harsh, but if her teammates are highly ranked in the country and state and she is barely hanging on, then that may be the reality. Everyone has different talents, and she will likely excel in areas that some of her more talented teammates don't. All she can do is to continue to work hard and try her best, but she may find more success and happiness on another team.

They have open practices at a gym that’s pretty far away, so I sit up in the balcony and work.

But it’s not just my opinion- it’s the coaches and other parents coming up to me and saying she’s the hardest worker on the team, coaches saying they wish every kid put in the work like she does, and teammates saying that she pushes them to work harder at practices. The best girl on the team always tries to partner with her for conditioning and is pretty vocal about why.

“Hardest worker” is faint praise. It’s not really much to hang your hat on and speaks to what they aren’t saying, ie, no one is telling you she’s any good. And honestly, you don’t know how hard everyone else works, trust me, most are.

If she is having fun, keep plugging away till they cut her. But if she’s needing and looking for praise or recognition from coaches, then it’s time to move on or down a level. Harsh but that’s how sports work. I’m a but surprised you hadn’t seen this coming and prepared for it by managing expectations and helping her understand her goals and purpose of playing and being on the team.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you say she is the hardest working? And how can you really know? You really can't know what other kids are doing outside of team practices. There are lots of levels and definitions of success in sports, and this may not be the right level of competition for her. That may seem a bit harsh, but if her teammates are highly ranked in the country and state and she is barely hanging on, then that may be the reality. Everyone has different talents, and she will likely excel in areas that some of her more talented teammates don't. All she can do is to continue to work hard and try her best, but she may find more success and happiness on another team.

They have open practices at a gym that’s pretty far away, so I sit up in the balcony and work.

But it’s not just my opinion- it’s the coaches and other parents coming up to me and saying she’s the hardest worker on the team, coaches saying they wish every kid put in the work like she does, and teammates saying that she pushes them to work harder at practices. The best girl on the team always tries to partner with her for conditioning and is pretty vocal about why.

Sounds to me like track & field might be a sport she can excel in.

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter sounds like a great kid who is learning grit and hard work. I get it must be frustrating to watch, but if she likes it I don't really see the harm in her not being a star on the team. With time she will likely discover other things that she enjoys - either academic subjects or other activities.

Thank you for saying that. She is super gritty. Her other main interest is reading and especially history, which will serve her really well in HS and college but isn’t exactly a thrilling extracurricular. I don’t mind her going to all of these workouts and playing outside because otherwise she would be totally still for hours under a heap of books. I guess I’m going to be grateful that she can do a team sport she likes for as long as possible because the options for adult women to join rec teams and leagues do become much more narrow after college but she has her whole life to read and do research.

Anonymous wrote:DD wouldn't even be on the team if she didn't have some kind of talent.

Not true. Travel you pay to play.

Your daughter sounds like a great kid who is learning grit and hard work. I get it must be frustrating to watch, but if she likes it I don't really see the harm in her not being a star on the team. With time she will likely discover other things that she enjoys - either academic subjects or other activities.

Whatever happened to participating in an activity-sports or something else-for the enjoyment of it. It’s so bizarre to me that some parents act that the only worthwhile activities are those where a kid can excel in/or help in college. This can be something your kid enjoys long term.

Anonymous wrote:And, my mom considered me "talentless" OP, because I wasn't good at sports or dance or performing.

My talent turns out to be research and leading committees. I should have been on the debate team or student government, or something similar, instead of wasting my time on team athletics.

I don’t consider my DD “talentless”- that’s harsh and cruel and I’m sorry your mom would make her feelings about you known. I just wish for my DD that she’d been given natural talent in the thing that she so desperately loves. It would be different if she didn’t care about basketball and then we could let this whole thing go.

I think it’s actually really cool that you were able to identify that you’re great at committees. Most people are not, and the value of someone with that talent is impossible to understate yet it’s very undervalued.

And, my mom considered me "talentless" OP, because I wasn't good at sports or dance or performing.

My talent turns out to be research and leading committees. I should have been on the debate team or student government, or something similar, instead of wasting my time on team athletics.

I would encourage your kid to try other sports and activities, so they can find what they like and maybe discover a talent. Not everyone's talents are standard or sports related. It's a waste to have them work so hard for essentially nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids like this who end up going to t20 schools end up in front office / league office jobs in the pros or head coaches

There are lot of NBA and MLB execs with op kid’s background

OP's kid is topping out at CYO level. The NBA and MLB executives who were the try hard kids played in college or at least high school.

Again, OP here once again saying that she’s *not* playing CYO. We moved from DC and she plays AAU in an area that does have CYO but not in her age group. CYO would be an ok alternative to drop down to if it were available.

Also the only major league sports exec I know actually never played a sport past elementary and rec! They have always been adjacent to sports, have a business degree, and knew the right people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her watch Rudy.

If you want her to quit? It’s a terrible story. He shows up and try’s every day and is ignored by the coach. The players basically protest in the very last game and force the coach to let him have a moment on the field during a blowout.

No one wants that. It’s humiliating. We talk about trying other activities because you don’t want to be Rudy.

God gave her talents. As you know, we don’t get to choose what God sees as our path. Maybe her talents are not visible yet to her but they will be in time. I believe that. I’m not just saying that.

Thank you. This is meaningful and more helpful than you can guess. -OP

Anonymous wrote:If she's comparing herself to kids who may be highly ranked in the state and nationally, maybe the bar is a bit high on that particular team for what constitutes "talent" or not?

Yes, in the DC area, I’m having a tough time thinking of a sport where a team includes state or nationally ranked players but also the next level down is rec.

I would gently open the subject of moving down a level. Your kid enjoys the game and should focus on that. Comparing herself to others in that way is not good for her. Most of these kids, including your kid it sounds like, will not play past high school. Just focus on her having fun.

Anonymous wrote:Have her watch Rudy.

If you want her to quit? It’s a terrible story. He shows up and try’s every day and is ignored by the coach. The players basically protest in the very last game and force the coach to let him have a moment on the field during a blowout.

No one wants that. It’s humiliating. We talk about trying other activities because you don’t want to be Rudy.

God gave her talents. As you know, we don’t get to choose what God sees as our path. Maybe her talents are not visible yet to her but they will be in time. I believe that. I’m not just saying that.