He is just not that in to you.

I personally think it’s weird that he can’t commit to a gf/bf label. That’s what people do when they aren’t commitmentphobes. They are excited and scream it from the mountain top. Also, it’s not all that rare to find someone great. You just have to keep looking. Timing needs to be there too and sounds like it’s not with this guy. Kick him to the curb and keep looking.

Since you have a kid and it sounds like you want a committed relationship, I’d have a talk with him about yours needs. But it doesn’t bode well for long term longevity and you (and your child) deserve that if you want that. I’ve met men like this and dated a few, they are and will always be lifelong bachelors. And listen to your gut/intuition. Mine was always right and I’ve been burned not listening to it. BF/GF label is low stakes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this guy is going to be blindsided. If you've met family and seen his financials, wow, that's a lot of trust right there.

Be kind. This is going to really suck for both of you. Maybe you could try a cooling off, no date period to see if he will commit, if it's that serious.

I definitely plan to handle things delicately. I don’t know if he will be blindsided or not. I have communicated that the lack of labels bothers me. I agree he has been open with me. I consider us to have a lot of intimacy. I have attempted to reciprocate that openness by allowing him to see my full life with my kid, which I’ve never done before.

He's 47 he's been through this type of manipulative conduct by women before. Try it and he will be long gone. Then you can waste more time on your next relationship which you cause to implode.

What is wrong with you OP?

You should be happy you have a guy you are so compatible with who gets along with your kid.

The only thing wrong is your unrealistic expectations that he owes you a label, owes you being a step daddy, owes you anything. Look you are talking about blowing up the relationship right now. Of course he was right to be careful about committing to you. You are.kinda nutty aren't you?

Oh my. OP - laugh at and/or ignore this …

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this guy is going to be blindsided. If you've met family and seen his financials, wow, that's a lot of trust right there.

Be kind. This is going to really suck for both of you. Maybe you could try a cooling off, no date period to see if he will commit, if it's that serious.

I definitely plan to handle things delicately. I don’t know if he will be blindsided or not. I have communicated that the lack of labels bothers me. I agree he has been open with me. I consider us to have a lot of intimacy. I have attempted to reciprocate that openness by allowing him to see my full life with my kid, which I’ve never done before.

He's 47 he's been through this type of manipulative conduct by women before. Try it and he will be long gone. Then you can waste more time on your next relationship which you cause to implode.

What is wrong with you OP?

You should be happy you have a guy you are so compatible with who gets along with your kid.

The only thing wrong is your unrealistic expectations that he owes you a label, owes you being a step daddy, owes you anything. Look you are talking about blowing up the relationship right now. Of course he was right to be careful about committing to you. You are.kinda nutty aren't you?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't want a boyfriend. You want this guy to commit to being your son's step parent. Its obvious. He doesn't want to be nor should he have to be. You're using the boyfriend label just to force the momentum of the relationship to a place where you believe he will be unable to extricate himself.

Essentially you are trying to emotionally blackmail a perfectly nice guy to be what you want him to be and to fulfill your needs.

This is the problem with dating single moms. It always comes to this.

OP, whatever the reason your baby daddy is out of the picture,you should NEVER be dating any man with the objective that the reason you are dating him is for the goal of finding a step dad for your son.

You should assume you will be a single mom rasing your son by yourself for the rest of your life.

If you want to date men and have serious relationships do it without the notion that you are doing it to find a step father for your son. The more you chase that the likelier it is you will scare men who might be open to it at some point, away.

You are totally objectifying this guy. It's all about you and what you want. Not about what he wants or doesn't want.

Other than sex, what do you even bring to the table? Independent of your needing a step father for your child, why do you think a man this one or any one, be willing to commit to you? What are they getting out of it? It really doesn't sound like you have much to offer aside from your own needs and unrealistic expectations.

This is crazy. Of all people, young widows do not need to go through life assuming they’ll never marry again. (But they also shouldn’t be playing house with a boy toy either.)

Anonymous wrote:6 months and you have introduced him to your child? You are moving WAY too fast.

I had the same reaction. And OP definitely wants to get remarried, based on follow-up posts. It’s a lot just six months in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this guy is going to be blindsided. If you've met family and seen his financials, wow, that's a lot of trust right there.

Be kind. This is going to really suck for both of you. Maybe you could try a cooling off, no date period to see if he will commit, if it's that serious.

I definitely plan to handle things delicately. I don’t know if he will be blindsided or not. I have communicated that the lack of labels bothers me. I agree he has been open with me. I consider us to have a lot of intimacy. I have attempted to reciprocate that openness by allowing him to see my full life with my kid, which I’ve never done before.

And what does he say when you bring it up? I see him as being committed. You guys have taken steps toward commitment. Slept together, became exclusive, introduced each other to your families, and he met your son. So the relationship is definitely progressing. He's your boyfriend. Next step for most people is engagement or moving in together but you said you didn't want that yet.

I just don't understand what is so magical about saying boyfriend and girlfriend when that would not apparently change anything. And if it were so important to you why you would introduce him to your son before he gave you that label.

Anonymous wrote:He's getting all the fun parts of being a husband without the obligation. I guess sex is very important to you and he is very good.

He's getting exactly what she's getting. What obligation are you talking about? He's not her child's father so he has no obligation as far as that goes.

They are both exactly equal in this relationship. The problem is she has baggage and he doesn't. She wants him to help her with her baggage and is using this nonsense about boyfriend labels to deflect from her true goal. Now she's going to try to withhold affection from him to get what she wants via emotional extortion.

OP sounds like she would be a terrible long term partner with that attitude and her guy friend has got that figured out

OP, you don't want a boyfriend. You want this guy to commit to being your son's step parent. Its obvious. He doesn't want to be nor should he have to be. You're using the boyfriend label just to force the momentum of the relationship to a place where you believe he will be unable to extricate himself.

Essentially you are trying to emotionally blackmail a perfectly nice guy to be what you want him to be and to fulfill your needs.

This is the problem with dating single moms. It always comes to this.

OP, whatever the reason your baby daddy is out of the picture,you should NEVER be dating any man with the objective that the reason you are dating him is for the goal of finding a step dad for your son.

You should assume you will be a single mom rasing your son by yourself for the rest of your life.

If you want to date men and have serious relationships do it without the notion that you are doing it to find a step father for your son. The more you chase that the likelier it is you will scare men who might be open to it at some point, away.

You are totally objectifying this guy. It's all about you and what you want. Not about what he wants or doesn't want.

Other than sex, what do you even bring to the table? Independent of your needing a step father for your child, why do you think a man this one or any one, be willing to commit to you? What are they getting out of it? It really doesn't sound like you have much to offer aside from your own needs and unrealistic expectations.

If you're considering ending it over this you might as well lay all your cards on the table so you don't have regrets. Tell him you love him, that you want commitment, and are going to leave if it's not mutual

Anonymous wrote:He said he doesn't want a committed relationship. There's your answer. If that doesn't work for you, end it.

+1

I mean, that’s the bottom line.

He's getting all the fun parts of being a husband without the obligation. I guess sex is very important to you and he is very good.

He said he doesn't want a committed relationship. There's your answer. If that doesn't work for you, end it.

Anonymous wrote:I think this guy is going to be blindsided. If you've met family and seen his financials, wow, that's a lot of trust right there.

Be kind. This is going to really suck for both of you. Maybe you could try a cooling off, no date period to see if he will commit, if it's that serious.

I definitely plan to handle things delicately. I don’t know if he will be blindsided or not. I have communicated that the lack of labels bothers me. I agree he has been open with me. I consider us to have a lot of intimacy. I have attempted to reciprocate that openness by allowing him to see my full life with my kid, which I’ve never done before.