If you don’t listen to VM then turn it off. Then folks can’t leave one and all issues are resolved.

Such an unfortunate situation and if you and your mother otherwise have a healthy relationship and there aren’t hard feelings on her part around how Thanksgiving rolled out, I’d say she lashed out because she’s grieving. But I suspect there is something more going on between the two of you b/c if you were on good terms I think she would have tried you again later instead of getting angry.

That said, you do owe her an apology for not checking her voicemail (or calling her on Thanksgiving? To me that’s more egregious). If she lays into you again, you can remind her that with 20ppl in your home you weren’t attending to your phone, but that you do regret assuming the content of her message and are sorry. That sounds like the truth of what you’re saying.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all these posters. Why didn't the mom follow up if she hadn't heard back from the child who HAD BEEN ACTIELY VISITING the aunt? It's not like some far relative who hadn't been in their lives for decades. Even better, why didn't mom text to make sure the message went through?

+1, if it’s important news you follow up. You don’t drop it in a VM and not follow up. Team OP

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all these posters. Why didn't the mom follow up if she hadn't heard back from the child who HAD BEEN ACTIELY VISITING the aunt? It's not like some far relative who hadn't been in their lives for decades. Even better, why didn't mom text to make sure the message went through?

You must be kidding, right?

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry about your great aunt and about how your mother reacted.

I would check if your phone offers vm text where if you go to check your voicemail it will give you a text of what is left on the message, so you read it and don't have to listen to it. In the future, just read the vm (if that makes sense). You made a mistake in your assumption that this particular vm didn't have special news. That is no reason for your mother to yell at you. I am sorry.

Yeah, there probably was. OP did indicate that she was laying the blame at her mother's feet. I can see Mom just having enough. Everything she said was correct.

On another thread there are many people like this who still blame their mother, cite her behavior as toxic or controlling or something and just die on that mountain, but here it is- take some responsibility, please, for your own mistake. I mean it just seems like there is an inability to do that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she leave the news in the voicemail? My parents are the only people who leave me voicemails and yes I listen/read them.

This is OP, yes, the news was in the VM.

This is on you OP.

You ATA

I am sorry about your great aunt and about how your mother reacted.

I would check if your phone offers vm text where if you go to check your voicemail it will give you a text of what is left on the message, so you read it and don't have to listen to it. In the future, just read the vm (if that makes sense). You made a mistake in your assumption that this particular vm didn't have special news. That is no reason for your mother to yell at you. I am sorry.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all these posters. Why didn't the mom follow up if she hadn't heard back from the child who HAD BEEN ACTIELY VISITING the aunt? It's not like some far relative who hadn't been in their lives for decades. Even better, why didn't mom text to make sure the message went through?

Why didn't the loving niece check in with anyone for a whole week to see how dear old Aunt was doing? There is plenty of finger pointing going on here.

I don't understand all these posters. Why didn't the mom follow up if she hadn't heard back from the child who HAD BEEN ACTIELY VISITING the aunt? It's not like some far relative who hadn't been in their lives for decades. Even better, why didn't mom text to make sure the message went through?

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t checked my voicemail in years. Sometimes I check the voicemail to text but it’s always medical offices, school stuff. Anyone I know would text or call a second time. I don’t think you’re a jerk OP, but just apologize and move on. I think it’s a generational thing.

It must be- this is nuts to me. How old are you? I assume if I leave a voicemail, especially at work, people listen to it. Even personal, though I do rarely leave voicemails to people other than family….

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s grand aunt not great aunt

Ive never heard of this and also say great.

It’s one of the top grammatical mistakes like their/there/they’re

Or among vs between

Or accept vs except

I’m here to educate

/s

Fascinating! What about great grandpa? Is it something like you go grand first, great second gen?

Yes so your grandmothers sister is your grand aunt

Your great grandmother’s sister is your great grand aunt.

Anonymous wrote:Is she aware you seldom check your voice mail? Maybe suggest an alternative communication method for more time sensitive concerns.

Or... check your VM. You might miss an important message. Honestly, why is it on the mom to change her behavior but not OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s grand aunt not great aunt

Ive never heard of this and also say great.

It’s one of the top grammatical mistakes like their/there/they’re

Or among vs between

Or accept vs except

I’m here to educate

/s

Fascinating! What about great grandpa? Is it something like you go grand first, great second gen?