Anonymous
11/23/2023 22:22
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:I cannot even imagine being a teenager and having some non family member over to my house three nights a week eating dinner, taking out the trash, etc.
+1
Totally unfair to them.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 22:21
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’ve been divorced for 2 1/2 years now. I have full custody of my two teenage (14, 16) girls. Dad is a deadbeat and only sees them a few times a year. Dating has been a challenge. I finally met someone that I’m head over heels in love with and my kids are being kind of rude. They barely acknowledge him. We’ve been dating for 9 months now and I see a future with him. Given how serious we are and the fact that I get no break, he comes over a few times a week and helps me with my house, eats dinner, etc. Come to find out, my kids feel uncomfortable (not in a creepy way) with him around so much. I was somewhat shocked to find this out. He is such a good person, he’s very normal, he’s a family man, has kids of his own, a great job, lots of friends and hobbies. This has definitely complicated our relationship. He volunteered to step back from coming over, but I think he was honestly a little hurt. I have my kids in therapy bc there is some obvious unresolved feelings around my divorce that hasn’t been processed. Any thoughts on what might be going on here? Did I introduce him too soon to my kids and they weren’t ready for it? I feel like I’ve done my work and waited til I felt strongly about someone before introducing him to my kids. I know they are teenagers and by default somewhat selfish, but I haven’t been this happy with someone in a long time.
It’s good and healthy that your teenaged daughters (!) feel uncomfortable with an unrelated adult man in their home. “Creepy way” or not, it’s just not appropriate. You should honor their instincts and 100% stop hosting at your home while they are there.
+1
If I had a new guy, unrelated to me and my family, in my living space a few times a week, I would be very unhappy about it.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 22:19
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think he’s doing the right thing stepping back. Your kids don’t have to like your boyfriend. As long as they are polite, I don’t see a problem. Pushing him on them is just going to create resentment.
But they’re not polite, that’s the point of this post.
They’re not polite because he’s basically moving into their home three days a week, which is totally inappropriate.
Boarding school for these little misses.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 20:44
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
9 months is plenty long enough
Anonymous
11/23/2023 20:41
Subject: Re:Kids are being rude to BF
I hated my moms BF. Didn't matter if they were a good person or not. Also, 9 months of dating and already introduced to your kids is just careless.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 20:38
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
I actually think kids not initially liking the BF or GF is extremely common. You and your boyfriend are on a whirlwind schedule but your kid is not on that same timeline. Take a deep breathe and be patient. It might take years for the kids to come around. Don’t force it and tell your BF to put his thick skin on bc dating someone with kids can get a bit bumpy.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 19:09
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’ve been divorced for 2 1/2 years now. I have full custody of my two teenage (14, 16) girls. Dad is a deadbeat and only sees them a few times a year. Dating has been a challenge. I finally met someone that I’m head over heels in love with and my kids are being kind of rude. They barely acknowledge him. We’ve been dating for 9 months now and I see a future with him. Given how serious we are and the fact that I get no break, he comes over a few times a week and helps me with my house, eats dinner, etc. Come to find out, my kids feel uncomfortable (not in a creepy way) with him around so much. I was somewhat shocked to find this out. He is such a good person, he’s very normal, he’s a family man, has kids of his own, a great job, lots of friends and hobbies. This has definitely complicated our relationship. He volunteered to step back from coming over, but I think he was honestly a little hurt. I have my kids in therapy bc there is some obvious unresolved feelings around my divorce that hasn’t been processed. Any thoughts on what might be going on here? Did I introduce him too soon to my kids and they weren’t ready for it? I feel like I’ve done my work and waited til I felt strongly about someone before introducing him to my kids. I know they are teenagers and by default somewhat selfish, but I haven’t been this happy with someone in a long time.
Well you, you, you. What you want, what you want. What about what *they* want, and what's best for them? I'm shocked that you're "shocked"-- they're traumatized because their father has abandoned them, and now you're trying to force this man into their home and their lives. Can't you give them some privacy?
Therapy is not a vending machine where you put time and money in at the top and a teenager who likes your boyfriend comes out the bottom.
Nine months is nowhere near enough to act like you're getting married. You are acting like a foolish teenager, and it's you who is selfish, not them. They're acting cold because they know it's too soon and that you're acting like a foolish schoolgirl. They want to slow things down and you should want that too.
You're being really judgmental. I doubt you have any idea what it's like to be a single parent, having gone through a divorce, and who is in need of human connection and support. There's nothing wrong with her finding and loving someone. In fact all evidence points to this being very good for women's emotional and physical health, which in turn affects parenting. Having a boyfriend is generally very good for your mental health! And a happy mom makes a better mother. Should she just be a sexless shrew who doesn't think about herself?
All the evidence points to a strange man in the house (a de facto stepdad like this) being far and away the leading cause of physical and sexual abuse of children. She should be thinking about the risks to her daughters instead of her own selfish wants.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 15:57
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think he’s doing the right thing stepping back. Your kids don’t have to like your boyfriend. As long as they are polite, I don’t see a problem. Pushing him on them is just going to create resentment.
But they’re not polite, that’s the point of this post.
They’re not polite because he’s basically moving into their home three days a week, which is totally inappropriate.
Then they open their mouths to mom and say we don’t like this. They DON’T treat an adult with disrespect. He hasn’t done anything to them other than come over and eat dinner and fix a few things around the house a few times a week. He’s not moving in. He’s not practically moving in. Get a grip people
Yes, he is. Nearly half the week. Stop excusing selfish mom’s behavior.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 15:35
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Op you're picking a rando man and yourself over your two uncomfortable teen girls. That's pathetic.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 15:32
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Labeling your kids as selfish for expressing their honest feelings, and opinions? Ouch. So it's taking your teens time to warm up to the dude. I would say they have been through a lot in their young lives and you need to honor that.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 15:23
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Where is dad? It’s hard having no contact.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 15:17
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been divorced for 2 1/2 years now. I have full custody of my two teenage (14, 16) girls. Dad is a deadbeat and only sees them a few times a year. Dating has been a challenge. I finally met someone that I’m head over heels in love with and my kids are being kind of rude. They barely acknowledge him. We’ve been dating for 9 months now and I see a future with him. Given how serious we are and the fact that I get no break, he comes over a few times a week and helps me with my house, eats dinner, etc. Come to find out, my kids feel uncomfortable (not in a creepy way) with him around so much. I was somewhat shocked to find this out. He is such a good person, he’s very normal, he’s a family man, has kids of his own, a great job, lots of friends and hobbies. This has definitely complicated our relationship. He volunteered to step back from coming over, but I think he was honestly a little hurt. I have my kids in therapy bc there is some obvious unresolved feelings around my divorce that hasn’t been processed. Any thoughts on what might be going on here? Did I introduce him too soon to my kids and they weren’t ready for it? I feel like I’ve done my work and waited til I felt strongly about someone before introducing him to my kids. I know they are teenagers and by default somewhat selfish, but I haven’t been this happy with someone in a long time.
Nothing that you've said sounds rude or selfish of them at all, only that they feel uncomfortable. Maybe you need to take a step back and reassess the situation with fresh eyes. Your children, the humans you birthed into this world, are telling you they are uncomfortable. You owe them a duty of care, far above this new rando.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 14:57
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think he’s doing the right thing stepping back. Your kids don’t have to like your boyfriend. As long as they are polite, I don’t see a problem. Pushing him on them is just going to create resentment.
But they’re not polite, that’s the point of this post.
They’re not polite because he’s basically moving into their home three days a week, which is totally inappropriate.
Then they open their mouths to mom and say we don’t like this. They DON’T treat an adult with disrespect. He hasn’t done anything to them other than come over and eat dinner and fix a few things around the house a few times a week. He’s not moving in. He’s not practically moving in. Get a grip people
Why would they need to say it? Their mom already knows it and the boyfriend knows it too.
He hasn't moved in yet, but that's the idea here, right? They probably think he's going to move in, or they're going to be forced to move in with him, with his kids on whatever schedule he has them. This isn't just some random helpful friend dropping by. OP has a long-term agenda, the kids know it, and it's stupid to pretend otherwise.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 14:53
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think he’s doing the right thing stepping back. Your kids don’t have to like your boyfriend. As long as they are polite, I don’t see a problem. Pushing him on them is just going to create resentment.
But they’re not polite, that’s the point of this post.
They’re not polite because he’s basically moving into their home three days a week, which is totally inappropriate.
Then they open their mouths to mom and say we don’t like this. They DON’T treat an adult with disrespect. He hasn’t done anything to them other than come over and eat dinner and fix a few things around the house a few times a week. He’s not moving in. He’s not practically moving in. Get a grip people
Anonymous
11/23/2023 14:24
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think he’s doing the right thing stepping back. Your kids don’t have to like your boyfriend. As long as they are polite, I don’t see a problem. Pushing him on them is just going to create resentment.
But they’re not polite, that’s the point of this post.
They’re not polite because he’s basically moving into their home three days a week, which is totally inappropriate.