Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, any chance you'll share the school? This is school dependent in my opinion. She wants to visit Harvard and you're happy to go to Boston? Sure, spend a day in Cambridge (and in this case, add on another school or two - MIT, Tufts, BC, etc.) She wants to visit Cornell? If you're happy spending times in the Finger Lakes, than sure. But, if it's a place far away from anywhere you'd go otherwise then no. Make it breezy. And I wouldn't worry too much about her fixating on a school. Things will likely change over the years, and if they don't, you can start helping her expand her mindset later down the line.

Air Force Academy. Definitely not opposed to visiting Colorado Springs (we're outdoorsy), but I admit we've never considered vacationing there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't worry about "feeding into an obsession" or any other over-the-top nonsense. I think it sounds like a great trip!

Thanks. I'm worried people will judge us now.

Why do you care what anyone thinks?

I don't have any friends and would like to make them, so it's crucial I not act weird or off.

My earlier posts got deleted but I think it’s odd to plan a trip that involves a flight specifically because your kid has an an interest in the Air Force academy. There are so many things around here where you can explore her interest in civil air patrol. If you were already going to Colorado and were in the area, sure. But she’s too young to plan a trip because she’s interested in this. It’s no different than when DCUM tells parents to stop talking up UVA to their elementary kids because then they end up with 17 yo who think it’s there or nothing. You have no idea if she will even have a shot in getting in.

Why don’t you get her involved in Young Eagles instead? https://www.eaa.org/eaa/youth/free-ye-flights

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just realized this is probably related to her desire to join Civil Air Patrol as soon as she turns 12, and not so much college in and of itself. Obviously this is just a phase, but I thinking now there's less harm in catering to it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similarly aged child who is fixated on a particular university although we’ve never visited nor do we have any connection to it. He uses his plans for future application to motivate all of his middle school work and performance.

I am in full support of having goals and personal standards, but I do not feed into this by planning visits or discussing colleges.

Instead, I praise efforts, hard work and resilience. I also infuse into conversation when he brings up the college, the fact that he has lots of time to think about where he would like to attend college and what he wants to study. I also frequently remind him that there is more than one path to success and to allow himself grace and flexibility.

In my child’s case, he has a lot of self-imposed pressure and I want to ensure that I am helping him to create a release valve for all of this.

OP here. This is EXACTLY how she is, which is why I don't want to feed into it.

On the other hand, I kinda of wonder if I can play dumb and maybe run her by this specific colleges as well as others to get her thinking more outside the box. I can see that backfiring, though.

I was her. Definitely visit many colleges at this age! I saw Harvard on a vacation when I was in elementary school. The only other college I saw all the way through college acceptances was our local state college. I obsessed over Harvard because it symbolized “college” to me. So naive!

I ended up going to Yale, but I think I would have had an easier and healthier middle school and high school life and made better college choices if I’d seen a variety of colleges and understood the options. I turned down a few excellent SLACs, applied to and got into the wrong Ivys for my needs and personality, and never even considered state flagships that would have been way better fits just because I didn’t know what they were like. Now we take my child to every college we’re ever near.

Same in several respects. When I was 9 my family drove through Dartmouth's campus, I thought it was beautiful and asked if I could go there. My parents had no higher education and said probably not, it was a school for very smart and rich kids. 8 years later I was back at Dartmouth as a freshman on financial aid. I might have been better off at my state school with few loans, but I got it in my head really young that I wanted to go to the smart rich kid school. For my own kids I'm showing them lots of different schools by going to college football games, taking them to my own and my wife's college reunions, etc. They should know there's a lot out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similarly aged child who is fixated on a particular university although we’ve never visited nor do we have any connection to it. He uses his plans for future application to motivate all of his middle school work and performance.

I am in full support of having goals and personal standards, but I do not feed into this by planning visits or discussing colleges.

Instead, I praise efforts, hard work and resilience. I also infuse into conversation when he brings up the college, the fact that he has lots of time to think about where he would like to attend college and what he wants to study. I also frequently remind him that there is more than one path to success and to allow himself grace and flexibility.

In my child’s case, he has a lot of self-imposed pressure and I want to ensure that I am helping him to create a release valve for all of this.

OP here. This is EXACTLY how she is, which is why I don't want to feed into it.

On the other hand, I kinda of wonder if I can play dumb and maybe run her by this specific colleges as well as others to get her thinking more outside the box. I can see that backfiring, though.

Nope. I agree with the PP above. Do not take an anxious 11 year old to visit colleges. That would just feed the beast.

And do not play dumb in any way. Treat the request like you would any other ridiculous request. Gently but firmly shut it down. Kids visit colleges in 11th and 12th grade, that's the way all kids do it, and there is no reason to deviate from that norm. 5th graders do not visit colleges.

BTW, I'm puzzled by your description of your DD as a rising 6th grader. It's November. Didn't she just start 5th grade 2 months ago?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't worry about "feeding into an obsession" or any other over-the-top nonsense. I think it sounds like a great trip!

Thanks. I'm worried people will judge us now.

Why do you care what anyone thinks?

I don't have any friends and would like to make them, so it's crucial I not act weird or off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Colleges have some cool stuff to visit, but an 11 year old wanting to visit a brand name is acting out anxiety/obsession-like issues that need to be reduced not enabled.

Interesting. Others had a different opinion when they learned what school.

If this is OP, either share the school name or don’t, but don’t be cagey. It makes this weird situation (and yes I think it’s weird) weirder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similarly aged child who is fixated on a particular university although we’ve never visited nor do we have any connection to it. He uses his plans for future application to motivate all of his middle school work and performance.

I am in full support of having goals and personal standards, but I do not feed into this by planning visits or discussing colleges.

Instead, I praise efforts, hard work and resilience. I also infuse into conversation when he brings up the college, the fact that he has lots of time to think about where he would like to attend college and what he wants to study. I also frequently remind him that there is more than one path to success and to allow himself grace and flexibility.

In my child’s case, he has a lot of self-imposed pressure and I want to ensure that I am helping him to create a release valve for all of this.

OP here. This is EXACTLY how she is, which is why I don't want to feed into it.

On the other hand, I kinda of wonder if I can play dumb and maybe run her by this specific colleges as well as others to get her thinking more outside the box. I can see that backfiring, though.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just realized this is probably related to her desire to join Civil Air Patrol as soon as she turns 12, and not so much college in and of itself. Obviously this is just a phase, but I thinking now there's less harm in catering to it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't worry about "feeding into an obsession" or any other over-the-top nonsense. I think it sounds like a great trip!

Thanks. I'm worried people will judge us now.

Why do you care what anyone thinks?