Anonymous wrote:I know how much everyone paid for their house. If I know you IRL, I know how much you paid for your house and how it's titled (like if a trust owns the house.) It's literally a 5 second public internet search. It doesn't require skills.

I have t admit I've definitely done this with a few people, but definitely not everyone! I think it's weird to look it up for everyone. Most people I simply don't care one way or another -- I only look if I have a specific reason to be curious about it, and even then I have to be very curious. Not because it's hard, just because usually I forget and don't bother.

But even if you look up everyone, I view discussing it with anyone except my own spouse to be questionable. It's gossip, and idle gossip at that. It's also a golden rule issue -- I wouldn't care if someone else looked up my house purchase to see how much I paid, but if I knew that people from the PTA or the neighborhood or my mom's group were discussing how much I paid, it would make me uneasy. If people are talking, they are usually judging. I think it's weird to judge people based on something like how much their house cost. It also invites rampant speculation which I think is okay if it's just you and your spouse but becomes problematic when you involve other people.

OP here. Thank you so much for all of the responses! You guys are giving me the strength I need to move forward. The reality is that I’d probably rather have one or two close friends instead of a group. I’m going to start actively trying to find one person I’d like to cultivate a friendship with.

FYI I generally have at least a few close friends but we moved to a small town in 2020 and I’ve really struggled here.

I gave up on mom group and neighbor friends after I went back to work after being a SAHM. Work friends were easier to make; we did not have husbands or children involved. It was a relief to get away from the moms. I fit in on the surface but never felt comfortable.

People always say that work friends can’t be your real friends but they often can. Even if it’s a temporary relationship that’s just defined by that period of time, so what? Lots of mom friendships don’t last when the kids change schools or sports, etc.

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

This is brilliant. I'd go one further and express grave and sincere concern to the group about Lisa. "She is great, but I am worried that she seems to have memory lapses. That's so concerning."

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

That sucks. I'm so sorry. I have a group where I am the clear peripheral. I don't really mind because I realized that I don't really like two of them. The other two I do, but I don't really click with one, so it's not going to happen.

I wish things like meetup were active and normalized. That said, at 52 I've embraced that I like old lady things like birdwatching so I've started to seek that out a bit.

Sorry OP. I haven't been in this situation but I know a woman that sounds similar. I have seen her do this to people. I think she targets to women who threaten her in some way, mainly based on looks as I can tell.

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

I would absolutely do this the next time you hang out with the group before you dump them all together.

Anonymous wrote:I know how much everyone paid for their house. If I know you IRL, I know how much you paid for your house and how its titled (like if a trust owns the house.) Its literally a 5 second public internet search. It doesn't require skills.

And how often are you looking this up? That is just weird. Why would you need to look that info up for people you meet? I become friends with people and dont worry about their home value if I'm not actively trying to buy their house.

Did they elbow you out to try to get their own child in a certain group, OP?

I know how much everyone paid for their house. If I know you IRL, I know how much you paid for your house and how its titled (like if a trust owns the house.) Its literally a 5 second public internet search. It doesn't require skills.

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’m confused at how “doxing” is being used in this thread. It makes no sense when talking about people who presumably live in the same community or whose children attend the same school.

Is there an alternate meaning?

it makes no sense. someone is just posting junk

Doxing is a last resort for queen bee types, who feel threatened by those who make them look bad (aka pretty much any female with a brain)

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

NP but this is how a frenemy group doxed me. They looked up my NYT wedding article and learned my first marriage ended in divorce. When the couples all hung out, a few women peppered DH about being married to a divorcee. They know how much my house is worth because they looked up property records and sometimes they make snide remarks about my mortgage. They looked up DH's salary (fed) and had a discussion about their husbands who are better earners.

They seem crazy so i don't hang out with them anymore

This is not doxxing. It’s gossiping.

No. It is beyond gossiping - it is malicious intent.

Omg still not doxing.

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’m confused at how “doxing” is being used in this thread. It makes no sense when talking about people who presumably live in the same community or whose children attend the same school.

Is there an alternate meaning?

it makes no sense. someone is just posting junk

Doxing is a last resort for queen bee types, who feel threatened by those who make them look bad (aka pretty much any female with a brain)

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

NP but this is how a frenemy group doxed me. They looked up my NYT wedding article and learned my first marriage ended in divorce. When the couples all hung out, a few women peppered DH about being married to a divorcee. They know how much my house is worth because they looked up property records and sometimes they make snide remarks about my mortgage. They looked up DH's salary (fed) and had a discussion about their husbands who are better earners.

They seem crazy so i don't hang out with them anymore

This is not doxxing. It’s gossiping.

No. It is beyond gossiping - it is malicious intent.

You're better off without this group OP! Don't feel like you need to have a group to fit in. It's fine to have a couple of close friends. I prefer my friendships to be mostly unrelated to my kids and their schools as well.

You should make up new kids and facts about your kids every time she asks. If your DD is 12, and she asks you how old she is, just say something ridiculous like 25. Don’t offer an explanation. The next time she asks say she’s 7. Stupid meaningless petty crap, just have fun with it.

It should be obvious by her reaction (or lack of reaction) if she actually remembers you or not.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’m confused at how “doxing” is being used in this thread. It makes no sense when talking about people who presumably live in the same community or whose children attend the same school.

Is there an alternate meaning?

it makes no sense. someone is just posting junk

Doxing is a last resort for queen bee types, who feel threatened by those who make them look bad (aka pretty much any female with a brain)

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

NP but this is how a frenemy group doxed me. They looked up my NYT wedding article and learned my first marriage ended in divorce. When the couples all hung out, a few women peppered DH about being married to a divorcee. They know how much my house is worth because they looked up property records and sometimes they make snide remarks about my mortgage. They looked up DH's salary (fed) and had a discussion about their husbands who are better earners.

They seem crazy so i don't hang out with them anymore

This is not doxxing. It’s gossiping.

Whatever. They pulled up my records and put it on insta. Doxxy enough for me!