Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate check, or just get your drink at the bar and close out immediately.

OP here - but I think the problem with me getting my drink at the bar is that it won't be obvious that I've already paid if that makes sense. I think I need to do the transaction at the table so others can see "oh she already paid". Right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold on....
I hear it!
Do you hear it?......
(Cheap...Cheap...Cheap...Cheap).
The little birdies all are calling out your names! 😂

Oh here's the DB who orders a ton of drinks and doesn't want to pay their own bill. Who's the cheap one? It's you. Pay for your own food and drink, why is it cheap of that other person to not want to fund your addiction?

Meh, NP and I tend to agree (and I’m not cheap! I’m the one who usually just picks up the check to avoid discomfort for the party and trouble for the server when I sense this kind of situation is brewing, and I like treating my friends when I can)

Like, I get that OP and everyone is well within their right to order a Diet Coke and a salad and pay only for that. I’m not going to talk crap or anything or insist you cough up more money. But causing complications at the end of the evening is a buzzkill and makes everyone uncomfortable. It’s gauche to me. Maybe it’s just that I come from a family/culture where it’s not polite to talk about money like this and people perform ridiculous stunts fighting to pick up the check. It’s also strange and frankly somewhat rude to sip water or a soda when everyone else came to have drinks and apps. If I wasn’t going to partake in a social event involving food and drinks like happy hour or couldn’t afford it I would decline the invitation, and if for some reason I ended up not eating or drinking much like OP I wouldn’t balk at paying more than my share. It’s just part of being out with friends. This seems to be a very unpopular opinion though.

In any case, the best way to handle this is ahead of time; either let the server know you’ll be on a separate check or pay for your drinks at the bar. Or stop caring what people think of you and decline the venmo request and send only what you owe. Throwing down just enough cash or venmoing the host doesn’t work if everyone else decided to split it, and then everyone will be annoyed at you for causing a headache.

I agree with this. If you were only planning to sip water why did you agree to come to a happy hour / drink situation? Did you think you were there to workout?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold on....
I hear it!
Do you hear it?......
(Cheap...Cheap...Cheap...Cheap).
The little birdies all are calling out your names! 😂

Wow. Are you 12?

And actually, the “cheap” people here are the ones trying to get OP to subsidize what THEY chose to eat and drink.

Wow. Are you easily triggered?
Don't go out with them if you can't afford it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold on....
I hear it!
Do you hear it?......
(Cheap...Cheap...Cheap...Cheap).
The little birdies all are calling out your names! 😂

Oh here's the DB who orders a ton of drinks and doesn't want to pay their own bill. Who's the cheap one? It's you. Pay for your own food and drink, why is it cheap of that other person to not want to fund your addiction?

Meh, NP and I tend to agree (and I’m not cheap! I’m the one who usually just picks up the check to avoid discomfort for the party and trouble for the server when I sense this kind of situation is brewing, and I like treating my friends when I can)

Like, I get that OP and everyone is well within their right to order a Diet Coke and a salad and pay only for that. I’m not going to talk crap or anything or insist you cough up more money. But causing complications at the end of the evening is a buzzkill and makes everyone uncomfortable. It’s gauche to me. Maybe it’s just that I come from a family/culture where it’s not polite to talk about money like this and people perform ridiculous stunts fighting to pick up the check. It’s also strange and frankly somewhat rude to sip water or a soda when everyone else came to have drinks and apps. If I wasn’t going to partake in a social event involving food and drinks like happy hour or couldn’t afford it I would decline the invitation, and if for some reason I ended up not eating or drinking much like OP I wouldn’t balk at paying more than my share. It’s just part of being out with friends. This seems to be a very unpopular opinion though.

In any case, the best way to handle this is ahead of time; either let the server know you’ll be on a separate check or pay for your drinks at the bar. Or stop caring what people think of you and decline the venmo request and send only what you owe. Throwing down just enough cash or venmoing the host doesn’t work if everyone else decided to split it, and then everyone will be annoyed at you for causing a headache.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the whole "split it equally concept.

I don't drink anything harder than Diet Coke and due to severe food allergies, I rarely eat anything more than a salad when I go out to eat. One of my groups of colleagues drinks multiple drinks and eat multi-course meals when we go out. They always want to split the bill equally, which can easily be $75+/person. Usually, my portion is more like $10-$15, so even with a tip, I cost no more than $20. I resent paying an extra $50+ to subsidize them.

I get that it's annoying to pay for someone's lobster if you're ordering an appetizer, but if an adult makes bill time complicated by stating they should pay less, that person won't be invited out much longer. It reads as cheap and overly complicated. You might not want to go out with groups for dinner if you're just going to order salad and be all annoyed about it?

They are colleagues who want to have a working dinner. How do I avoid that?

It's one thing to pay an extra $10 or so. It's another thing to pay an extra $50.

The "cheap" ones are the ones who are perfectly content to allow someone else to subsidize them. When you order $100 worth of drinks and food and only have to pay $60-$70, who is the cheap one?

Someone expenses it. That one is easy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the whole "split it equally concept.

I don't drink anything harder than Diet Coke and due to severe food allergies, I rarely eat anything more than a salad when I go out to eat. One of my groups of colleagues drinks multiple drinks and eat multi-course meals when we go out. They always want to split the bill equally, which can easily be $75+/person. Usually, my portion is more like $10-$15, so even with a tip, I cost no more than $20. I resent paying an extra $50+ to subsidize them.

I get that it's annoying to pay for someone's lobster if you're ordering an appetizer, but if an adult makes bill time complicated by stating they should pay less, that person won't be invited out much longer. It reads as cheap and overly complicated. You might not want to go out with groups for dinner if you're just going to order salad and be all annoyed about it?

OP here - but I'm not making it complicated if I pay my portion immediately when I order my drink. It would be different if I did it when the bill arrived and I got my abacus out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate check, or just get your drink at the bar and close out immediately.

OP here - but I think the problem with me getting my drink at the bar is that it won't be obvious that I've already paid if that makes sense. I think I need to do the transaction at the table so others can see "oh she already paid". Right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the whole "split it equally concept.

I don't drink anything harder than Diet Coke and due to severe food allergies, I rarely eat anything more than a salad when I go out to eat. One of my groups of colleagues drinks multiple drinks and eat multi-course meals when we go out. They always want to split the bill equally, which can easily be $75+/person. Usually, my portion is more like $10-$15, so even with a tip, I cost no more than $20. I resent paying an extra $50+ to subsidize them.

I get that it's annoying to pay for someone's lobster if you're ordering an appetizer, but if an adult makes bill time complicated by stating they should pay less, that person won't be invited out much longer. It reads as cheap and overly complicated. You might not want to go out with groups for dinner if you're just going to order salad and be all annoyed about it?

They are colleagues who want to have a working dinner. How do I avoid that?

It's one thing to pay an extra $10 or so. It's another thing to pay an extra $50.

The "cheap" ones are the ones who are perfectly content to allow someone else to subsidize them. When you order $100 worth of drinks and food and only have to pay $60-$70, who is the cheap one?

Anonymous wrote:Like, almost everybody, said, get your checks, separately, pay, and leave early. For what it’s worth in my group of friends in the situation that you described, you would’ve been told- “Oh my goodness you only had one drink! I hope you can hang out longer next time. of course we covered it don’t worry about it.” And it would have been the truth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the whole "split it equally concept.

I don't drink anything harder than Diet Coke and due to severe food allergies, I rarely eat anything more than a salad when I go out to eat. One of my groups of colleagues drinks multiple drinks and eat multi-course meals when we go out. They always want to split the bill equally, which can easily be $75+/person. Usually, my portion is more like $10-$15, so even with a tip, I cost no more than $20. I resent paying an extra $50+ to subsidize them.

I get that it's annoying to pay for someone's lobster if you're ordering an appetizer, but if an adult makes bill time complicated by stating they should pay less, that person won't be invited out much longer. It reads as cheap and overly complicated. You might not want to go out with groups for dinner if you're just going to order salad and be all annoyed about it?

Anonymous wrote:This question will probably get me some negative comments but I'm okay with it because I truly want to know the correct etiquette for this scenario.

I'm heading out for happy hour tonight with a group of 7 friends, all are women. I am a lightweight, one and done and I like to get out of there early because I have two small children at home. The others in the group have more like 3-4 drinks, and linger for a while. No judgement there just trying to provide detail for my question. The last time we got together I had one drink (no food), and and left early. The rest of the group as I mentioned lingered for another hour or so, had appetizers + more drinks. As I was leaving I offered to pay the organizer of the group for my (1) drink + tip ($15), she said not to worry she would just get it from me later via Venmo. The next day I get a text from her that I owed her $40. I was a little surprised but didn't say anything as I didn't want to seem cheap or ungenerous. That said this really bothered me afterwards as clearly I had paid for a portion of everyone else's drinks and appetizers for the entire evening while I was home with my kids, and they were still at happy hour. My question is how do I handle this tonight. Do I insist on paying my portion before I leave, or let it go and just expect another $40 venmo request.

Go ahead, flame away I can take it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold on....
I hear it!
Do you hear it?......
(Cheap...Cheap...Cheap...Cheap).
The little birdies all are calling out your names! 😂

Oh here's the DB who orders a ton of drinks and doesn't want to pay their own bill. Who's the cheap one? It's you. Pay for your own food and drink, why is it cheap of that other person to not want to fund your addiction?

Meh, NP and I tend to agree (and I’m not cheap! I’m the one who usually just picks up the check to avoid discomfort for the party and trouble for the server when I sense this kind of situation is brewing, and I like treating my friends when I can)

Like, I get that OP and everyone is well within their right to order a Diet Coke and a salad and pay only for that. I’m not going to talk crap or anything or insist you cough up more money. But causing complications at the end of the evening is a buzzkill and makes everyone uncomfortable. It’s gauche to me. Maybe it’s just that I come from a family/culture where it’s not polite to talk about money like this and people perform ridiculous stunts fighting to pick up the check. It’s also strange and frankly somewhat rude to sip water or a soda when everyone else came to have drinks and apps. If I wasn’t going to partake in a social event involving food and drinks like happy hour or couldn’t afford it I would decline the invitation, and if for some reason I ended up not eating or drinking much like OP I wouldn’t balk at paying more than my share. It’s just part of being out with friends. This seems to be a very unpopular opinion though.

In any case, the best way to handle this is ahead of time; either let the server know you’ll be on a separate check or pay for your drinks at the bar. Or stop caring what people think of you and decline the venmo request and send only what you owe. Throwing down just enough cash or venmoing the host doesn’t work if everyone else decided to split it, and then everyone will be annoyed at you for causing a headache.