Anonymous wrote:This is wild! I wrote the above before I saw the subsequent page, and in addition to “Sanctimommy,” and “nasty and rude”, she’s been called “trashy,” “smug b,” and “spoiled.” for offering her viewpoint. Did people even read what she had to say before jumping on her back and lifestyle and calling her an awful person? She says neither she nor her husband are high earners, and she took nannying jobs for family and friends to make it work for her. This is an example of a creative and out-of-the-box solution, way better than the typical (trashy, spoiled etc) DCUM response of “just be worth millions and millions of dollars like me, the end”.

I'm a SAHM mom myself but I don't see how telling her to quit her job and spend even more time with her demanding and energetic son is helpful advice.

Anonymous wrote:This is wild! I wrote the above before I saw the subsequent page, and in addition to “Sanctimommy,” and “nasty and rude”, she’s been called “trashy,” “smug b,” and “spoiled.” for offering her viewpoint. Did people even read what she had to say before jumping on her back and lifestyle and calling her an awful person? She says neither she nor her husband are high earners, and she took nannying jobs for family and friends to make it work for her. This is an example of a creative and out-of-the-box solution, way better than the typical (trashy, spoiled etc) DCUM response of “just be worth millions and millions of dollars like me, the end”.

As the kids would say, the vibes were off with the post. OP is clearly struggling, and instead of offering anything useful, PP is all, "well golly gee, quit your job like I did!" PP came off as shading and critical of OP. Then she came back in hot when called out on it.

OP do you only have one kid? I have a only and the younger years were so hard. Entertaining an only gets exhausting. And yes, we expected her to self entertain but with no siblings that’s a lot of hours of time. Can you start initiating play dates. We started that at age 3 and it helped tremendously in giving us a break.

This is wild! I wrote the above before I saw the subsequent page, and in addition to “Sanctimommy,” and “nasty and rude”, she’s been called “trashy,” “smug b,” and “spoiled.” for offering her viewpoint. Did people even read what she had to say before jumping on her back and lifestyle and calling her an awful person? She says neither she nor her husband are high earners, and she took nannying jobs for family and friends to make it work for her. This is an example of a creative and out-of-the-box solution, way better than the typical (trashy, spoiled etc) DCUM response of “just be worth millions and millions of dollars like me, the end”.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

Helpful? Well, maybe the OP needs to consider that it's not the kids that are the problem or parenting them, it's the lack of time to enjoy it and devote herself to it, with some time also to spend on herself, without the grueling life of balancing work and kids. I know not everyone can make that happen but many people here on DCUM could easily make it happen but choose not to. Then they wonder why parenting is so hard and often not enjoyable.

Thanks Sanctimommy.

Whatever! Don't want to hear about people who put their careers on hold for a few years to be full time parents to their young kids? Are you looking for an echo chamber here that only spouts your values and choices? My husband and I made a lot of sacrifices so that I could stay home with my kids when they were young and neither of us are high earners like so many are here. Totally worth it. It sounds like the OP is not having a great life so I tried to give her another point of view to consider, whereas your moronic sanctimommy comment is only meant to insult and demean my viewpoint, that's real helpful. Shove it!

You are so nasty and rude.

Not the PP but I don’t think they’re being nasty or rude, they feel like they have to defend their pov that they offered to the conversation. And then got called names like “sanctimommy.” And then got called more names like “nasty and rude.” Personally it is so helpful to me to read all of the very different ways people structure their lives in this area, especially once kids come into the picture, even those who are choosing to do things in a way that I would never consider because it doesn’t make sense for my life. There’s a huge difference between saying, “This is what works for me,” and “What you’re doing is wrong,” but a lot of people on here don’t seem to get that. It’s like a vicious cycle of defensiveness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

Helpful? Well, maybe the OP needs to consider that it's not the kids that are the problem or parenting them, it's the lack of time to enjoy it and devote herself to it, with some time also to spend on herself, without the grueling life of balancing work and kids. I know not everyone can make that happen but many people here on DCUM could easily make it happen but choose not to. Then they wonder why parenting is so hard and often not enjoyable.

Thanks Sanctimommy.

Whatever! Don't want to hear about people who put their careers on hold for a few years to be full time parents to their young kids? Are you looking for an echo chamber here that only spouts your values and choices? My husband and I made a lot of sacrifices so that I could stay home with my kids when they were young and neither of us are high earners like so many are here. Totally worth it. It sounds like the OP is not having a great life so I tried to give her another point of view to consider, whereas your moronic sanctimommy comment is only meant to insult and demean my viewpoint, that's real helpful. Shove it!

She doesn't mesh with her son's energetic personality. I don't see how quitting her job is going to help that.

I am another mom who refuses to do pretend play. I just can't do it. I refuse. I used to tell my eldest "It is not my job to play with your toys." Fortunately the middle sibling is old enough to play with him. My DH will pretend play (he also plays video games, which I find to be childish and a waste of time.)

If your husband has enough energy to be amorous every night he has enough energy to run piss and vinegar out of the 4 year old for one hour minimum, preferably outdoors. You need to tell him about the divorce thought. Tell him your depression is flaring up. I told my husband I was overwhelmed with childcare and housework and that I wanted to hire a neighbor kid to take the kids to the park so I can work in peace and he magically found the energy to step up more. Your son would benefit from martial arts, soccer etc especially if they are your husband's job and not just another chore for you.

The having to hire your village thing is unfortunately the new normal. I had to hire doulas to be with me in the hospital to give birth. My husband has worked through me recovering from elective surgery with the kids watching TV for 8 hours a day etc

This is PPD/anxiety.

As for the C section scar, there is something called C section scar message where they will loosen the scar tissue so it will at least flow with the rest of the loose skin again and the C section shelf will go away, so at least you can cover it up with a shirt ok

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

Helpful? Well, maybe the OP needs to consider that it's not the kids that are the problem or parenting them, it's the lack of time to enjoy it and devote herself to it, with some time also to spend on herself, without the grueling life of balancing work and kids. I know not everyone can make that happen but many people here on DCUM could easily make it happen but choose not to. Then they wonder why parenting is so hard and often not enjoyable.

Thanks Sanctimommy.

Whatever! Don't want to hear about people who put their careers on hold for a few years to be full time parents to their young kids? Are you looking for an echo chamber here that only spouts your values and choices? My husband and I made a lot of sacrifices so that I could stay home with my kids when they were young and neither of us are high earners like so many are here. Totally worth it. It sounds like the OP is not having a great life so I tried to give her another point of view to consider, whereas your moronic sanctimommy comment is only meant to insult and demean my viewpoint, that's real helpful. Shove it!

You are so nasty and rude.

Yes, I get that way when I am insulted for stating a point of view that doesn't coincide with somebody else's. My comments weren't nasty or rude until I was insulted.

If everyone else is wrong but you, maybe look in a mirror. Being nasty is so trashy.

That would include you then. What makes you think everyone else disagrees with me?

I'm being clear. You're lashing out because as you stated, others didn't agree with you. Your original post was demeaning and rude.

I lashed out at the person who called me sanctimommy which as we all know is a classic DCUM insult to people who do things differently than them. My original post was not demeaning or rude unless you have blinders on to how other people choose to structure their lives as parents. There is not one way to parent but I was responding to the OP who is very unhappy with her life and wants to run away as a result of the demands of parenting, working and having little time to herself.

No, it is a correct assessment of smug Bs who insert themselves and their perfect, spoiled little lives unhelpfully into conversations where other mothers are struggling. The shoe fits. Wear it. DP.

Please elaborate on how my life was stupid or spoiled.

Op, why do you think you have to play with your kid? That is not a requirement.

You are the adult. You set the rules. Stop letting everyone run you ragged.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

Helpful? Well, maybe the OP needs to consider that it's not the kids that are the problem or parenting them, it's the lack of time to enjoy it and devote herself to it, with some time also to spend on herself, without the grueling life of balancing work and kids. I know not everyone can make that happen but many people here on DCUM could easily make it happen but choose not to. Then they wonder why parenting is so hard and often not enjoyable.

Thanks Sanctimommy.

Whatever! Don't want to hear about people who put their careers on hold for a few years to be full time parents to their young kids? Are you looking for an echo chamber here that only spouts your values and choices? My husband and I made a lot of sacrifices so that I could stay home with my kids when they were young and neither of us are high earners like so many are here. Totally worth it. It sounds like the OP is not having a great life so I tried to give her another point of view to consider, whereas your moronic sanctimommy comment is only meant to insult and demean my viewpoint, that's real helpful. Shove it!

You are so nasty and rude.

Yes, I get that way when I am insulted for stating a point of view that doesn't coincide with somebody else's. My comments weren't nasty or rude until I was insulted.

If everyone else is wrong but you, maybe look in a mirror. Being nasty is so trashy.

That would include you then. What makes you think everyone else disagrees with me?

I'm being clear. You're lashing out because as you stated, others didn't agree with you. Your original post was demeaning and rude.

I lashed out at the person who called me sanctimommy which as we all know is a classic DCUM insult to people who do things differently than them. My original post was not demeaning or rude unless you have blinders on to how other people choose to structure their lives as parents. There is not one way to parent but I was responding to the OP who is very unhappy with her life and wants to run away as a result of the demands of parenting, working and having little time to herself.

No, it is a correct assessment of smug Bs who insert themselves and their perfect, spoiled little lives unhelpfully into conversations where other mothers are struggling. The shoe fits. Wear it. DP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

Helpful? Well, maybe the OP needs to consider that it's not the kids that are the problem or parenting them, it's the lack of time to enjoy it and devote herself to it, with some time also to spend on herself, without the grueling life of balancing work and kids. I know not everyone can make that happen but many people here on DCUM could easily make it happen but choose not to. Then they wonder why parenting is so hard and often not enjoyable.

Thanks Sanctimommy.

Whatever! Don't want to hear about people who put their careers on hold for a few years to be full time parents to their young kids? Are you looking for an echo chamber here that only spouts your values and choices? My husband and I made a lot of sacrifices so that I could stay home with my kids when they were young and neither of us are high earners like so many are here. Totally worth it. It sounds like the OP is not having a great life so I tried to give her another point of view to consider, whereas your moronic sanctimommy comment is only meant to insult and demean my viewpoint, that's real helpful. Shove it!

You are so nasty and rude.

Yes, I get that way when I am insulted for stating a point of view that doesn't coincide with somebody else's. My comments weren't nasty or rude until I was insulted.

If everyone else is wrong but you, maybe look in a mirror. Being nasty is so trashy.

That would include you then. What makes you think everyone else disagrees with me?

I'm being clear. You're lashing out because as you stated, others didn't agree with you. Your original post was demeaning and rude.

I lashed out at the person who called me sanctimommy which as we all know is a classic DCUM insult to people who do things differently than them. My original post was not demeaning or rude unless you have blinders on to how other people choose to structure their lives as parents. There is not one way to parent but I was responding to the OP who is very unhappy with her life and wants to run away as a result of the demands of parenting, working and having little time to herself.

Your post clearly implies that you think working parents are bad parents and bad workers. Maybe that’s not what you meant to communicate, but it’s what people are responding to.

I get that, lots of people apparently bristle at the idea that if someone (the OP) is struggling to balance and possibly even enjoy parenting and working to the point where they hate their life then maybe they should try to find a way to change things. It might involve putting your career on hold for awhile. Lots of people here hate that idea. Perhaps the responders to my comments think anybody who suggests such insanity is calling them a bad parent or a bad worker. I don't know. I was responding to a person who clearly defined her parenting and working life as miserable. What anybody else assumed from that is not in my control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

Helpful? Well, maybe the OP needs to consider that it's not the kids that are the problem or parenting them, it's the lack of time to enjoy it and devote herself to it, with some time also to spend on herself, without the grueling life of balancing work and kids. I know not everyone can make that happen but many people here on DCUM could easily make it happen but choose not to. Then they wonder why parenting is so hard and often not enjoyable.

Thanks Sanctimommy.

Whatever! Don't want to hear about people who put their careers on hold for a few years to be full time parents to their young kids? Are you looking for an echo chamber here that only spouts your values and choices? My husband and I made a lot of sacrifices so that I could stay home with my kids when they were young and neither of us are high earners like so many are here. Totally worth it. It sounds like the OP is not having a great life so I tried to give her another point of view to consider, whereas your moronic sanctimommy comment is only meant to insult and demean my viewpoint, that's real helpful. Shove it!

“Whatever!” “Shove it!”

Are you 12?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

Helpful? Well, maybe the OP needs to consider that it's not the kids that are the problem or parenting them, it's the lack of time to enjoy it and devote herself to it, with some time also to spend on herself, without the grueling life of balancing work and kids. I know not everyone can make that happen but many people here on DCUM could easily make it happen but choose not to. Then they wonder why parenting is so hard and often not enjoyable.

Thanks Sanctimommy.

Whatever! Don't want to hear about people who put their careers on hold for a few years to be full time parents to their young kids? Are you looking for an echo chamber here that only spouts your values and choices? My husband and I made a lot of sacrifices so that I could stay home with my kids when they were young and neither of us are high earners like so many are here. Totally worth it. It sounds like the OP is not having a great life so I tried to give her another point of view to consider, whereas your moronic sanctimommy comment is only meant to insult and demean my viewpoint, that's real helpful. Shove it!

You are so nasty and rude.

Yes, I get that way when I am insulted for stating a point of view that doesn't coincide with somebody else's. My comments weren't nasty or rude until I was insulted.

If everyone else is wrong but you, maybe look in a mirror. Being nasty is so trashy.

That would include you then. What makes you think everyone else disagrees with me?

I'm being clear. You're lashing out because as you stated, others didn't agree with you. Your original post was demeaning and rude.

I lashed out at the person who called me sanctimommy which as we all know is a classic DCUM insult to people who do things differently than them. My original post was not demeaning or rude unless you have blinders on to how other people choose to structure their lives as parents. There is not one way to parent but I was responding to the OP who is very unhappy with her life and wants to run away as a result of the demands of parenting, working and having little time to herself.

Your post clearly implies that you think working parents are bad parents and bad workers. Maybe that’s not what you meant to communicate, but it’s what people are responding to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

Helpful? Well, maybe the OP needs to consider that it's not the kids that are the problem or parenting them, it's the lack of time to enjoy it and devote herself to it, with some time also to spend on herself, without the grueling life of balancing work and kids. I know not everyone can make that happen but many people here on DCUM could easily make it happen but choose not to. Then they wonder why parenting is so hard and often not enjoyable.

Thanks Sanctimommy.

Whatever! Don't want to hear about people who put their careers on hold for a few years to be full time parents to their young kids? Are you looking for an echo chamber here that only spouts your values and choices? My husband and I made a lot of sacrifices so that I could stay home with my kids when they were young and neither of us are high earners like so many are here. Totally worth it. It sounds like the OP is not having a great life so I tried to give her another point of view to consider, whereas your moronic sanctimommy comment is only meant to insult and demean my viewpoint, that's real helpful. Shove it!

You are so nasty and rude.

Yes, I get that way when I am insulted for stating a point of view that doesn't coincide with somebody else's. My comments weren't nasty or rude until I was insulted.

If everyone else is wrong but you, maybe look in a mirror. Being nasty is so trashy.

That would include you then. What makes you think everyone else disagrees with me?

I'm being clear. You're lashing out because as you stated, others didn't agree with you. Your original post was demeaning and rude.

I lashed out at the person who called me sanctimommy which as we all know is a classic DCUM insult to people who do things differently than them. My original post was not demeaning or rude unless you have blinders on to how other people choose to structure their lives as parents. There is not one way to parent but I was responding to the OP who is very unhappy with her life and wants to run away as a result of the demands of parenting, working and having little time to herself.