Anonymous
Post 11/04/2023 12:50     Subject: Re:My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just say no

Though I know how pushy some can be. My DH and I were having some infertility issues and a cousin of his in India asked if we wanted to adopt his 10yo and 8 yo seeing as we were having trouble. (!!!!)

A lot of family members chimed in that they thought it was the perfect solution to everything. I was shocked at what they were suggesting.


If they were struggling to raise the kids, its actually a pretty common thing to do.


Yes, that's what they were thinking. But the infertility roller coaster was hard enough.

No way were we adopting kids whose parents were still alive and they weren't in an abusive situation.


With private adoption that’s how it works. Parents alive, kids not abused.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 17:27     Subject: My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Anonymous wrote:Probably as long as my kids liked them. It would be enriching for all.


Nope nope nope. Terrible way to think. I doubt OP's kids have even met this other kid in their lives. And this isn't a situation where OP can just "test drive" the idea and send the kid back home easily if her own kids dislike him or her.

All the immigration and school enrollment issues aside (they are important but I'm focused here just on OP's own family) -- OP, your own kids are very likely to start resenting having another kid in the house 24/7. They might start out enjoying having their cousin around but that possibly will fade once it's clear that this isn't a visit, this is in essence another sibling. What if your children and your cousin's child just cannot get along and they fuss and fight? You don't need that kind of stress in your already stressed world. Even if the kid is wonderful, they all get along well -- you have three of your own!

Also, OP, is your cousin going to provide you a stipend to cover her child's expenses? What about medical care over here? This child won't be covered by your own medical insurance, OP, and what happens if the kid is seriously ill or injured and has to be hospitalized or have ongoing meds or follow-up visits? Even breaking an arm while horsing around can set you back a lot of money.

And do you really want to end up being in charge of your cousin's kid in terms of :
Did you do your homework?
Wait, it's 6 p.m. and you need me to drive to the store to get supplies for a project that's due tomorrow?!
The principal called and told me you did X at school today and are in trouble....

When is this all supposed to end? This doesn't sound like a one-school-year commitment. Your cousin will expect you to keep her kid, house, parent, provide medical care for, homework supervision for her kid, etc....For how many years?

This is all such a hard, hard no, OP. Do not feel guilty. Do not cave in to begging. Short of taking in a child who is from a bona fide war zone, or a child who needs to get out of an abusive situation -- this is NOT your responsibility and it is not a mere "favor" your cousin is asking.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 16:49     Subject: Re:My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
I would not do it in your situation. Sounds like you have your hands full already.

Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 15:25     Subject: Re:My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Anonymous wrote:OP, I haven’t noticed another post from you. What do you think of all this advice?

It’s likely just another troll.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 14:45     Subject: My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Anonymous wrote:I have a cousin who currently sends her older child to boarding school in the US. My cousin and her family live in a different country. She wants to send her younger child in the US but due to the economy and exchange rates, they cannot afford to send both kids to boarding school in the US. She asked if the younger child could stay with us and go to school.

I already have 3 kids and it a struggle daily to wake them up and I feel like we barely get to school. Same for the afternoons. We have constant conflicts and it is difficult to feed and drive my own 3 kids.

Would you take in a cousin?


Tadaaa! You answered your own question. No. And it makes total sense. No.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 14:44     Subject: My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Do they speak English?
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 13:40     Subject: Re:My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
OP, I haven’t noticed another post from you. What do you think of all this advice?
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 13:24     Subject: My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Anonymous wrote:I have a cousin who currently sends her older child to boarding school in the US. My cousin and her family live in a different country. She wants to send her younger child in the US but due to the economy and exchange rates, they cannot afford to send both kids to boarding school in the US. She asked if the younger child could stay with us and go to school.

I already have 3 kids and it a struggle daily to wake them up and I feel like we barely get to school. Same for the afternoons. We have constant conflicts and it is difficult to feed and drive my own 3 kids.

Would you take in a cousin?


My BIL wanted us to host their teenager as an informal “exchange student” (their words) to the local high school. He and his siblings did it back in the 1980s and they just enrolled in public school no problem, for a semester. I looked into it for DC and legally it does require a visa and paying the public school….better just to pay for private school IMO, it’s not that much cheaper. There are also legal exchange student programs, but not long term like you cousin is asking.

I think the legal options for long term attending public school here are: visa and pay the public school; refugee; you adopt the kid. I’m not a lawyer. I would not do something illegal and unethical (we pay taxes) for my cousin.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 12:39     Subject: My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our neighbors have about 10 adult “cousins” and 10 school aged minors from Guatemala all living together and attending public school. Go for it! Mi casa es tu casa.


This would qualify for the war zone/extreme danger exception.


No, those are opportunistic economic immigrants. Hence the $$billions of remit money sent and used for new family homes there, cousins clothes and catholic schools, and chain migration for wage arb purposes.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 12:37     Subject: Re:My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Anonymous wrote:Just say no

Though I know how pushy some can be. My DH and I were having some infertility issues and a cousin of his in India asked if we wanted to adopt his 10yo and 8 yo seeing as we were having trouble. (!!!!)

A lot of family members chimed in that they thought it was the perfect solution to everything. I was shocked at what they were suggesting.


Lol
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 12:37     Subject: My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No. And how would you even register the kid for school? They'd be here illegally. I had to provide birth certificates when I registered my kids.


You can legally come here as a student, you know. Kids do it all the time.


That’s when an accredited private school or college sponsors their student visa.

op would have to lie and commit fraud, and pretend there’s no documentation.
Or do an international adoption of her cousins minors.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 12:35     Subject: My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, sure do it. It is the responsibility of all American taxpayers to pay for your international, non-American relatives’ kids public school educations.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 12:34     Subject: My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, sure do it. It is the responsibility of all American taxpayers to pay for your relatives’ kids public school educations.


Yep.

America, where the roads are paved in gold.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 11:35     Subject: Re:My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just say no

Though I know how pushy some can be. My DH and I were having some infertility issues and a cousin of his in India asked if we wanted to adopt his 10yo and 8 yo seeing as we were having trouble. (!!!!)

A lot of family members chimed in that they thought it was the perfect solution to everything. I was shocked at what they were suggesting.


If they were struggling to raise the kids, its actually a pretty common thing to do.


Yes, that's what they were thinking. But the infertility roller coaster was hard enough.

No way were we adopting kids whose parents were still alive and they weren't in an abusive situation.

My God, that would be so traumatic for children those ages to be given away and sent to a foreign country.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 11:04     Subject: Re:My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me
Are they legitimate refugees?

If not, then no, I would not entertain this idea.