Anonymous wrote:We pay for grades. It works and - frankly - is more akin to the real world where high performers get paid more in the workplace (exceptions abound, of course).

Big drop in compensation from an A to a B+. We have bonuses too for perfect GPA and certain milestones on SAT, class rank, etc. My kid decides what his time is worth....and he seems to like money.

It's nice because I'm not actually pressuring and following up. He wants to make some coin and pushes himself. Win-win for us.

Anonymous wrote:Please read Never Enough by Jennifer Wallace. I consider myself a hands off parent who doesn’t push but I learned a lot and wish I’d read it sooner. As a donut hole family I understand the concern about eligibility for merit aid but I assure you that there is plenty of merit aid if you don’t pin all your hopes on a few brand-name schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay for grades. It works and - frankly - is more akin to the real world where high performers get paid more in the workplace (exceptions abound, of course).

Big drop in compensation from an A to a B+. We have bonuses too for perfect GPA and certain milestones on SAT, class rank, etc. My kid decides what his time is worth....and he seems to like money.

It's nice because I'm not actually pressuring and following up. He wants to make some coin and pushes himself. Win-win for us.

How old is your kid? Let's see you post 10 to 15 years after they graduate and see how they are doing emotionally and mentally

Anonymous wrote:We pay for grades. It works and - frankly - is more akin to the real world where high performers get paid more in the workplace (exceptions abound, of course).

Big drop in compensation from an A to a B+. We have bonuses too for perfect GPA and certain milestones on SAT, class rank, etc. My kid decides what his time is worth....and he seems to like money.

It's nice because I'm not actually pressuring and following up. He wants to make some coin and pushes himself. Win-win for us.

Anonymous wrote:We pay for grades. It works and - frankly - is more akin to the real world where high performers get paid more in the workplace (exceptions abound, of course).

Big drop in compensation from an A to a B+. We have bonuses too for perfect GPA and certain milestones on SAT, class rank, etc. My kid decides what his time is worth....and he seems to like money.

It's nice because I'm not actually pressuring and following up. He wants to make some coin and pushes himself. Win-win for us.

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. Very good student, does all his work with no parental involvement, currently getting all As and a high B in AP US history with minimal effort, plus ~2hrs of intense practice for his sport a day.
Generally we've been pretty hands off. We expect him to put in effort in school, exposed him to a lot in childhood, but did not really push hard on any academic enrichment or even monitor homework. He goes to public school. Participating in the intense sport is 100% his choosing - he may or may end up good enough, or interested enough, to participate in college. Otherwise he's a pretty ordinary kid with a good group of friends.

I'm wondering if, now that he's in high school, we should up our game. We're a donut hole family, so ultimately, where he goes to college will depend on aid offers, and while DH and I are of the mind that he is likely to be successful wherever he ends up, DS himself is focused on going to a very good school. If we doubled down, hired a tutor, or just did extensive review with him before those AP history tests, I'm pretty sure that high B in his AP class could be an A. I just don't know if that's worth it, and this college game is all new to me.

I feel this trade off between helping him get into the best school possible, but with a load of perhaps unnecessary stress and parental involvement, and letting him continue to be the one in the drivers seat and modeling balance instead of achieve-at-all-costs. Curious what those who have been through the college process think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay for grades. It works and - frankly - is more akin to the real world where high performers get paid more in the workplace (exceptions abound, of course).

Big drop in compensation from an A to a B+. We have bonuses too for perfect GPA and certain milestones on SAT, class rank, etc. My kid decides what his time is worth....and he seems to like money.

It's nice because I'm not actually pressuring and following up. He wants to make some coin and pushes himself. Win-win for us.

But if your child was not capable of the “top dollar” performance, but absolutely trying his best…what would you do? Or if you saw his mental health suffering, to please you two?

Anonymous wrote:Can your son mentally handle intense parental pressure? My kids would have offed themselves with the tiger mom approach. I say this with all seriousness.

Anonymous wrote:Please read Never Enough by Jennifer Wallace. I consider myself a hands off parent who doesn’t push but I learned a lot and wish I’d read it sooner. As a donut hole family I understand the concern about eligibility for merit aid but I assure you that there is plenty of merit aid if you don’t pin all your hopes on a few brand-name schools.

Anonymous wrote:I suppose it depends, what type of school are we talking about? Does he want to go to Harvard or Duke? Or does he want to go to like BC or Wake Forest?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a Tiger Parent, but do consider As to be expected. My son, who has learning disabilities but is a methodical, hard-working person, had straight As in most of his dozen APs and other courses taking in high school. He had tutors for some subjects, which I consider part of a normal education (my mother and siblings had governesses and tutors at home, why not this generation of kids?).

Please retire the Tiger Parent concept and parent according to your lights and the kid you have.

Really??? Are you from the US? Growing up I never knew anyone with a tutor who didn't have severe academic issues and I only heard about governesses in books.

PP you replied to. I am European and I am indeed talking about a real governess, one who teaches and lives with the family. And my dear PP. Parents who can afford it hire tutors for their kids as early as elementary school, for remedial and enrichment purposes. Today, in the DC area.

I am also European, from London. Your terminology is archaic. There is no one in the whole of Europe who has a governess because they no longer exist. You might have a live-in tutor though.

So you can't read? I said my mother had a governess. And that nowadays, people shouldn't scoff at tutors, which are essentially a continuation of that.

I see several posters have responded to my post and side-tracked the thread. In your (jealous) haste to excoriate someone you perceive to be part of the elite, you're getting sloppy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay for grades. It works and - frankly - is more akin to the real world where high performers get paid more in the workplace (exceptions abound, of course).

Big drop in compensation from an A to a B+. We have bonuses too for perfect GPA and certain milestones on SAT, class rank, etc. My kid decides what his time is worth....and he seems to like money.

It's nice because I'm not actually pressuring and following up. He wants to make some coin and pushes himself. Win-win for us.

But if your child was not capable of the “top dollar” performance, but absolutely trying his best…what would you do? Or if you saw his mental health suffering, to please you two?

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. Very good student, does all his work with no parental involvement, currently getting all As and a high B in AP US history with minimal effort, plus ~2hrs of intense practice for his sport a day.
Generally we've been pretty hands off. We expect him to put in effort in school, exposed him to a lot in childhood, but did not really push hard on any academic enrichment or even monitor homework. He goes to public school. Participating in the intense sport is 100% his choosing - he may or may end up good enough, or interested enough, to participate in college. Otherwise he's a pretty ordinary kid with a good group of friends.

I'm wondering if, now that he's in high school, we should up our game. We're a donut hole family, so ultimately, where he goes to college will depend on aid offers, and while DH and I are of the mind that he is likely to be successful wherever he ends up, DS himself is focused on going to a very good school. If we doubled down, hired a tutor, or just did extensive review with him before those AP history tests, I'm pretty sure that high B in his AP class could be an A. I just don't know if that's worth it, and this college game is all new to me.

I feel this trade off between helping him get into the best school possible, but with a load of perhaps unnecessary stress and parental involvement, and letting him continue to be the one in the drivers seat and modeling balance instead of achieve-at-all-costs. Curious what those who have been through the college process think.