Anonymous wrote:My marriage is monogamous but I think a DADT marriage makes more sense than a true "open" marriage even though it seems less emotionally mature. Everyone I know who is in or has tried open marriage, it's just an endless series of annoying choices that you have to be "mature" about but actually suck. Everything from setting the rules of what people are allowed to do, to deciding how much to share with each other, to deciding who outside the marriage to tell about the openness, then dealing with kids... it's logistically just suuuuuuper annoying. I get why people do it but have seen enough of these from the outside (two that are still intact, the rest ended in divorce) to know it is very much not for me or my DH.

At least in a DADT marriage, it's pretty simple. Be discrete. Don't do anything that would compromise that discretion. Use protection. Never talk about it. I could even see it sort of helping to revive a marriage by adding some mystery and competition and just making the individual partners feel wanted and sexy again, which is the stuff it's hard to access after years of monogamy and kids. But without all the logistical annoyances of open marriage because the assumption is that any affairs must fit around the marriage without disturbing it. So there are no "arrangements." Figure out how to make your affairs happen on your lunch our or at "the gym" or during work travel, but no we are not sitting down as a couple to figure out how to arrange childcare so that you can do a couples weekend with your girlfriend, ffs.

Anonymous wrote:

DH and I share a meal, go for a hike or watch a movies together. And I do *that* with someone else. To us, DADT is much more moral than trying/forcing to do *that* with DH because he doesn't consent to doing *that*.

Gross. I doubt he really “consents” to this arrangement either - he likely feels forced into it.

DH and I share a meal, go for a hike or watch a movies together. And I do *that* with someone else. To us, DADT is much more moral than trying/forcing to do *that* with DH because he doesn't consent to doing *that*.

Anonymous wrote:I think DADT used to just be called "marriage." Then a strange team of liberal and conservative morality police got involved and made everyone's marriage worse.

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is I'll pray for all of you who feel the need to have sex with someone other than your spouse. So disturbing.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, whatever happened to the sacredness of marriage vows? Morality is gone from society and this is a big indication of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, whatever happened to the sacredness of marriage vows? Morality is gone from society and this is a big indication of it.

I agree. If I want to share a meal, go for a hike or watch a movie with somebody else it's fine. But if I'm going to go do *that* with somebody else it defeats the purpose of being married.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, whatever happened to the sacredness of marriage vows? Morality is gone from society and this is a big indication of it.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, whatever happened to the sacredness of marriage vows? Morality is gone from society and this is a big indication of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's in it for the man in this situation?

DH gets intelligent arm candy for professional socializing. I'm an amazing cook. Love and take care of my kids beautifully. Work and contribute to the family financials. I'm a partner in his life

This sounds very practical. Would you say you are happy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked my husband for one and he said no.

You broke rule 1. DA.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's in it for the man in this situation?

DH gets intelligent arm candy for professional socializing. I'm an amazing cook. Love and take care of my kids beautifully. Work and contribute to the family financials. I'm a partner in his life