Anonymous
Post 10/19/2023 07:27     Subject: Re:Dating a sweet kind loser
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone who says you should split up. Unlikely that either one of you will change, downhill in resentment for you. And he deserves to meet someone who values/appreciate him.


I do value and appreciate him. I am just also more shallow, spoiled and materialistic than him. I think he is the better person, like too good for this world, and that worries me. Money and the values required to make it are important. I have enough of my own for me but not for both of us.


How old are you? Do you have kids?
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2023 07:15     Subject: Re:Dating a sweet kind loser
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone who says you should split up. Unlikely that either one of you will change, downhill in resentment for you. And he deserves to meet someone who values/appreciate him.


I do value and appreciate him. I am just also more shallow, spoiled and materialistic than him. I think he is the better person, like too good for this world, and that worries me. Money and the values required to make it are important. I have enough of my own for me but not for both of us.


I think this would be a good topic for therapy. Maybe even couples therapy if you really like him.

You both seem drawn to characteristics of each that you admire but for reasons shun in yourselves. A good therapist could help you dig a little deeper to determine if and how each of you can make small shifts that bring you more into alignment.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2023 07:14     Subject: Dating a sweet kind loser
He sounds very lagom.

It’s a Swedish word. Look it up.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2023 07:11     Subject: Dating a sweet kind loser
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Invisible disabilities, like autism.
Makes it hard to adult.


Yes. I know people like this, OP. There is usually severe ADHD, anxiety or autism in the mix You don't see it now, but it's there. This man has a high enough IQ and enough work ethic to get to PhD level, but it doesn't follow that he can function in the real world.

If you have enough money for the both of you, you can make it work! But if want a partner with more income, then maybe he's not the one for you.

(Also, maybe he or his family have assets. Not the same thing as income.)



The man in functioning. He’s just not hustling for wealth.

Huge difference.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2023 07:05     Subject: Dating a sweet kind loser
But are you happy with him? Sounds like you are not. Do him a favor and leave. Women want it all. But unhappy with a nice guy. Sheesh!
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2023 06:59     Subject: Re:Dating a sweet kind loser
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone who says you should split up. Unlikely that either one of you will change, downhill in resentment for you. And he deserves to meet someone who values/appreciate him.


I do value and appreciate him. I am just also more shallow, spoiled and materialistic than him. I think he is the better person, like too good for this world, and that worries me. Money and the values required to make it are important. I have enough of my own for me but not for both of us.


I hear you. I am too old to be struggling financially. This guy probably does not have money to travel, which is something I enjoy.
(Not OP)
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2023 04:28     Subject: Dating a sweet kind loser
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.


What does sympathetic with the downtrodden mean?

He volunteers a lot at church?
Or he’s an anti-capitalist SJW who believes every OpEd in Wash Post?


OP. Both actually.

He’s almost perverse in his rejection of what most people do to succeed. Like he works in a job with certain expectations for success and yet coaches himself not to let those metrics “define him.” I feel like buddy if it’s your job don’t fight it, do it.


OP, you sound like the loser in this situation.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2023 00:29     Subject: Dating a sweet kind loser
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.


What does sympathetic with the downtrodden mean?

He volunteers a lot at church?
Or he’s an anti-capitalist SJW who believes every OpEd in Wash Post?


OP. Both actually.

He’s almost perverse in his rejection of what most people do to succeed. Like he works in a job with certain expectations for success and yet coaches himself not to let those metrics “define him.” I feel like buddy if it’s your job don’t fight it, do it.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2023 00:24     Subject: Re:Dating a sweet kind loser
Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone who says you should split up. Unlikely that either one of you will change, downhill in resentment for you. And he deserves to meet someone who values/appreciate him.


I do value and appreciate him. I am just also more shallow, spoiled and materialistic than him. I think he is the better person, like too good for this world, and that worries me. Money and the values required to make it are important. I have enough of my own for me but not for both of us.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 23:54     Subject: Dating a sweet kind loser
Anonymous wrote:This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.


What does sympathetic with the downtrodden mean?

He volunteers a lot at church?
Or he’s an anti-capitalist SJW who believes every OpEd in Wash Post?
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 23:30     Subject: Re:Dating a sweet kind loser
I agree with everyone who says you should split up. Unlikely that either one of you will change, downhill in resentment for you. And he deserves to meet someone who values/appreciate him.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 23:03     Subject: Dating a sweet kind loser
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Invisible disabilities, like autism.
Makes it hard to adult.


Yes. I know people like this, OP. There is usually severe ADHD, anxiety or autism in the mix You don't see it now, but it's there. This man has a high enough IQ and enough work ethic to get to PhD level, but it doesn't follow that he can function in the real world.


This would describe my older sister
Despite the PhD and a lifetime of being an excellent student, she cannot function outside of a school program.


+1000 lots of book-smart absentminded Phd, slow pacing professors on one side of the family tree. Can ace a math exam but can’t figure out how to drive where.

The Dx’s are rolling in with the grandchildren: adhd, ASD I.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 22:11     Subject: Dating a sweet kind loser
Anonymous wrote:wooo yikes. Too many red flags.


Yes, OP has too many red flags about her. The guy should dump her and find someone else who isn't materialistic and shallow.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 22:08     Subject: Dating a sweet kind loser
wooo yikes. Too many red flags.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 20:54     Subject: Dating a sweet kind loser
he has a house? in this economy? I'd date him in a heartbeat!!