Anonymous wrote:my parents are moving cross country, away from their kids and young grandkids, who currently all reside within a 50 mile radius. ostensibly to retire to a lower COL place and ‘enjoy life.’ they live an expensive lifestyle and could have just downsized here. my own relationship with them has been strained over the years, but I do feel sad for the grandkids. it feels a bit like mourning their deaths as I don’t expect we’ll see each other much if at all. hoping to hear from others who have gone through something similar.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

No, the grandparents are staying away while the kids are young because they are scared of germs. So they are useless to parents with young children, which also happens to be the only time grandparents are at all useful.

So grandparents offer no child care and their kids offer no elder care.

If you’re not okay with that, then I suggest you risk your health and get to work taking care of your grandkids. If you’re okay with that, like in my family, then more power to you.

PP:

As clearly stated in the post, these grandparents are involved in child care and are putting their health at risk. Whether that is appropriate or not, is their choice. Hope your parents are not around to help since you obviously couldn't care less about them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

No, the grandparents are staying away while the kids are young because they are scared of germs. So they are useless to parents with young children, which also happens to be the only time grandparents are at all useful.

So grandparents offer no child care and their kids offer no elder care.

If you’re not okay with that, then I suggest you risk your health and get to work taking care of your grandkids. If you’re okay with that, like in my family, then more power to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems there's a rise of grandparents who really don't want to take care of little kids, even just for a weekend. At least this is what I'm seeing a lot in my various circles. They're more tired and less tolerant than what I remember grandparents being like when I was a kid.

Do you think they want to more fully check out, or at least give themselves a simpler reason to not be involved?

It’s not their role to take care of little kids. That’s the role of parents.

And of course this generation of grandparents are more tired. Retirement ages have pushed back significantly. Gone are the days of retirement pay starting between 50-55. And when their kids don’t start having kids until they are late 30s, grandparents are much older too.

Disagree. I actually have read articles where scientists hypothesize that menopause is so that human women have time to focus on their grandchildren and helping them (ensuring that their family line goes on) instead of continuing to have children. Most mammals don't have menopause.

It might not be the role of grandparents now to take care of grandkids, but don't pretend that wasn't their role for centuries. Not to 100% babysit grandkids, but to assist and help while the moms did the major chores and had babies.

I've seen a lot of grandparents arrive right after a new grandchild's birth, take lots of photos, expect for the new mom and dad to cook for them and host them in their guest room, entertain them, and then they leave.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

No, the grandparents are staying away while the kids are young because they are scared of germs. So they are useless to parents with young children, which also happens to be the only time grandparents are at all useful.

So grandparents offer no child care and their kids offer no elder care.

If you’re not okay with that, then I suggest you risk your health and get to work taking care of your grandkids. If you’re okay with that, like in my family, then more power to you.

Have you always had a quid pro quo relationship with family or others in your life?

It’s called boundaries. Try it sometime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

No, the grandparents are staying away while the kids are young because they are scared of germs. So they are useless to parents with young children, which also happens to be the only time grandparents are at all useful.

So grandparents offer no child care and their kids offer no elder care.

If you’re not okay with that, then I suggest you risk your health and get to work taking care of your grandkids. If you’re okay with that, like in my family, then more power to you.

Have you always had a quid pro quo relationship with family or others in your life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

No, the grandparents are staying away while the kids are young because they are scared of germs. So they are useless to parents with young children, which also happens to be the only time grandparents are at all useful.

So grandparents offer no child care and their kids offer no elder care.

If you’re not okay with that, then I suggest you risk your health and get to work taking care of your grandkids. If you’re okay with that, like in my family, then more power to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Anonymous wrote:my parents are moving cross country, away from their kids and young grandkids, who currently all reside within a 50 mile radius. ostensibly to retire to a lower COL place and ‘enjoy life.’ they live an expensive lifestyle and could have just downsized here. my own relationship with them has been strained over the years, but I do feel sad for the grandkids. it feels a bit like mourning their deaths as I don’t expect we’ll see each other much if at all. hoping to hear from others who have gone through something similar.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.