Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 08:21     Subject: DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Native has "fun" deodorants that my MS kid likes. Maybe get a few and give them to your kid and her friend in the car, "I knew we'd see you so thought it would be fun to get one for you, too!" That way, you could avoid offending her or her mother.

https://www.nativecos.com/collections/limited-edition?/utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=search&gclid=Cj0KCQjwsp6pBhCfARIsAD3GZubFzeLompkbuIKYrGSO5I-lowb4gkp1Wl-GC1czMf0gjpEjcJdh3VgaAgQ8EALw_wcB
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 08:18     Subject: DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Anonymous wrote:Buy her a cutesy/fancy "spa" hygiene kit as a gift. Something and trendy that teens like.

There is nothing you can say with a kind heart that is worse than the brutal treatment she will get from everyone at school who she is grossing out.


Most of the middle school kids smell too and they likely have their gym teacher already harping on them to wear deodorant
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 08:16     Subject: DD’s friend with bad underarm odor

I would have your daughter tell her. My daughter needs deodorant and often forgets to use it, then stinks when she comes home from school, because of PE. It's been slow progress to remind her in the morning. She doesn't get offended at all, but she's so forgetful! ADHD, probably. It runs in the family.

Also, maybe she should shave. It cuts down on odors. But one thing at a time!
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 08:15     Subject: DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Kids at school are already avoiding her and talking about her behind it back. They are "behaving" by not telling her, and just avoiding her. Keeping her in the dark is making it worse.

Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 08:12     Subject: DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Buy her a cutesy/fancy "spa" hygiene kit as a gift. Something and trendy that teens like.

There is nothing you can say with a kind heart that is worse than the brutal treatment she will get from everyone at school who she is grossing out.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 08:07     Subject: Re:DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, I asked my DD (14) about this post in the car, and she said “don’t do anything, eventually a kid will say something about it to her….anything a mom does will just make it worse”

FWIW.

I’m surprised her parents have not noticed and said something? I had to be super firm with one of my sons about hygiene around preteen age.

Also- is it at all possible this is a “ food/cooking odors” issue- odors picked up on clothing? Sometimes smells JUST like BO IME. In college, we all had to change shirts after eating in the dining hall- the place just had a stench and seeped into our clothes! I realize that sounds crazy but was totally true. I don’t know the cause either.



Thank you. Your DD has high empathy and social understanding.

Non-related adults really have no business talking to this tween/teen about her hygiene. The recommended scripts are all terribly inappropriate because of that.

Kids do generally figure these things out eventually through their peer groups, if not at home.


Agree. A friends mom buying you “hygiene kit,” really? That is terrible. Say nothing and air your car out when you get home. You have minimal interaction with her. Stay in your lane. I would bet she has deodorant sitting in her bathroom, going unused, because she forgets or doesn’t care. Or maybe her mom bought her Tom’s and it’s crap, but she doesn’t want her using aluminium. You have no idea if she has deodorant or how their family want to handle this. Do not buy her deodorant.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 07:58     Subject: Re:DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, I asked my DD (14) about this post in the car, and she said “don’t do anything, eventually a kid will say something about it to her….anything a mom does will just make it worse”

FWIW.

I’m surprised her parents have not noticed and said something? I had to be super firm with one of my sons about hygiene around preteen age.

Also- is it at all possible this is a “ food/cooking odors” issue- odors picked up on clothing? Sometimes smells JUST like BO IME. In college, we all had to change shirts after eating in the dining hall- the place just had a stench and seeped into our clothes! I realize that sounds crazy but was totally true. I don’t know the cause either.



Thank you. Your DD has high empathy and social understanding.

Non-related adults really have no business talking to this tween/teen about her hygiene. The recommended scripts are all terribly inappropriate because of that.

Kids do generally figure these things out eventually through their peer groups, if not at home.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 07:52     Subject: Re:DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don’t do all the passive aggressive buying of nail polish and hair bows to hide the deodorant. It is cringe-y.

Your choices are to kindly tell her she needs deodorant or to realize this isn’t a big deal.


I agree.


I posted earlier. I don't see anything wrong with these suggestions that you are calling passive aggressive. I believe the term is tact. A lot of people lack it but it does a long way in having difficult conversations and preserving relationships. Op has the ability to teach this skill to her daughter. Some situations call for tact. Communicating kindly to an unrelated teen needs tact.


Exactly. A little tact goes a long way.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 07:51     Subject: DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
This is very contrived, but because the girl is so young, I think this might work... Arrange for the girls to hang out for some spa time and watch a self-care video or read a teen self-care guide. I'm sure something appropriate exists. Gift them both a self-care kit that includes deodorant. Have your daughter reinforce the idea that as they get older, teens smell and that using it will help them smell nice. I disagree with others that you should not do anything. This poor girl will be shunned for something that she is totally unaware of and that has the easiest fix.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 07:44     Subject: Re:DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don’t do all the passive aggressive buying of nail polish and hair bows to hide the deodorant. It is cringe-y.

Your choices are to kindly tell her she needs deodorant or to realize this isn’t a big deal.


I agree.


I posted earlier. I don't see anything wrong with these suggestions that you are calling passive aggressive. I believe the term is tact. A lot of people lack it but it does a long way in having difficult conversations and preserving relationships. Op has the ability to teach this skill to her daughter. Some situations call for tact. Communicating kindly to an unrelated teen needs tact.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 01:02     Subject: DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Is she south Asian Indian? My son has a friend like that. The boys all tell him he needs to use deodorant and he doesn’t smell it so he doesn’t believe them. He does nothing. It’s been 3 years. They still tell him he smells, especially on humid days. Even girls tell him.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 00:56     Subject: Re:DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don’t do all the passive aggressive buying of nail polish and hair bows to hide the deodorant. It is cringe-y.

Your choices are to kindly tell her she needs deodorant or to realize this isn’t a big deal.


I agree.


No, don’t shame her and even if you tell her then what? She has none.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 00:38     Subject: Re:DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Anonymous wrote:Don’t do all the passive aggressive buying of nail polish and hair bows to hide the deodorant. It is cringe-y.

Your choices are to kindly tell her she needs deodorant or to realize this isn’t a big deal.


I agree.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 00:33     Subject: DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Anonymous wrote:Stop driving her - problem solved.


Why so mean?

The girl needs help if her parents are clueless.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 00:21     Subject: DD’s friend with bad underarm odor
Anonymous wrote:How old is the kid? That would make a difference in my response.


This is OP. She is 13.