Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally fine to let the husband pass the message to ILs that you are done for the day and are resting. And totally fine for your DH to bring you a cup of tea and a sandwich to your room.

Either people want more protocol (they expect hostess to greet and host — in which case they wait for an in invitation or confirm the visit with the hosts) OR they consider themselves so close they do not want any protocol (they do not confirm the visit and should not expect hostess to be available to greet and host).

This! They are getting to spend time with DH and OP is getting the time/rest she needs. Everyone is fine.

My dh needed rest to when my ils imposed. He was also sleep deprived and at one visit had pneumonia. They couldn’t have cared less.

Anonymous wrote:I respect a wide latitude of boundary setting for anyone when it comes to deadling with their in laws -- and their own parents for that matter. My sibling's spouse has definitely hidden in their house and convinced my sibling to go along and pretended that no one was at their home when one of their parents showed up at the door. It is admittedly childish, but those of you without difficult parents or in-laws can't truly understand. Sometimes you just don't have the energy to deal with these people, and hiding from them is sometimes the only way to survive.

This. Not just my ils but I have neighbors like this who all the neighbors hide from. They are retired and ignore even direct statements. One neighbor who lived next door to them left her baby’s binky on the deck and crawled out to get it so those neighbors would not see her.

Unless your in laws are the queen of England (or king now), I really do not understand what the issue is. They do not need entertaining. Their son is there I assume. Why are you disrupting your own routine? Why are you hungry, and thirsty in your own house? They’ve never seen you in a pajama? Add a robe or something, and go wave “hi”, tell them you’re dead tired, get food, make yourself tea, eat, drink and go to bed. They are your family! Stop the drama.

Anonymous wrote:This just seems insane. You can't go downstairs in your pajamas? Just go down, be a normal human being, get a drink of water and say you're sorry - that you have a headache and want to lie down.

I say this as someone who thinks it's completely fine of you not to interact with them, but to behave like you're somehow trapped in your room makes zero sense.

You mentioned a funeral...maybe they're sad? And want to be with family? I don't know.

My ils would be more angry if I said hello and went back upstairs. What I hated was how even when we said they needed to go, they wouldn’t. They were control freaks and had the attitude that they called the shots even in our house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put on your oxygen mask first.

You’re fine. Don’t give it another thought.

No. Rude isn't fine. OP should say hello and then ask them to excuse her. She can fein a migraine but to ignore them is beyond rude

Not for people who pull the bait and switch. A smart couple are smart about people who are rude and train them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.

Grow up.

Found the rude, pushy in-law.

DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.

So, yes, grow up.

Team OP here because here’s what my own mom has said about my SIL under similar circumstances: l

“Ashley came down from her room long enough to announce she wasn’t feeling well and then marched right back upstairs. Didn’t even want to speak to us - you know how she is. So rude. She looked just awful, by the way - just wearing some ratty t-shirt and was scowling. She really needs to get back to that hairstylist in town. Her hair has gotten gray. She had dark circles under her eyes, too. I’ll bet she didn’t even use that nail polish set I gave her…”

My ils exactly. Premature twins with medical issues. They never helped, criticized non stop, and constantly expected us to be do favors for them. My sils announced that their parents 50th anniversary would be at our house since I wasn’t working. They barely even acknowledged our children but stopped by to see something we had done in our house and promised they’d be 30 minutes . 4 hours later we used our adult voices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.

Grow up.

Found the rude, pushy in-law.

DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.

So, yes, grow up.

Go to he$$

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.

Grow up.

Not op. Get lost jerk.

I bet the DH invited them in and enjoyed the visit. Classic case of a wife thinking her husband’s feelings are irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It is not universally rude for parents to stop in and visit for a while when they are coming to your house.

It is not universally rude for you to choose not to interact with them.

Both behaviors are fine. Nobody is wrong here.

But if you are thirsty, you should probably go get a drink.

It is rude to say you are going to “drop something off” and then impose for a visit.

First, the IL's had the conversation with the DH, and he doesn't appear to have a problem with talking with them for a bit. OP was just "under the impression" that they would wave and leave.

Second, in my family/social circle we often stop by and chat. In fact, it might be considered odd for me to be literally at a friend/family member's house and not stop in. EX: a friend comes by to drop off a borrowed dish and she comes in and we chat for a while. If I'm busy, I tell her and she leaves. (Which is what DH should do if he has no more time to spend with them.)

Not saying the above is what everybody should do. But it is absolutely what many people do in fact do, and it is normal and accepted.

Not universally rude.

Anonymous wrote:
It is not universally rude for parents to stop in and visit for a while when they are coming to your house.

It is not universally rude for you to choose not to interact with them.

Both behaviors are fine. Nobody is wrong here.

But if you are thirsty, you should probably go get a drink.

It is rude to say you are going to “drop something off” and then impose for a visit.

It is not universally rude for parents to stop in and visit for a while when they are coming to your house.

It is not universally rude for you to choose not to interact with them.

Both behaviors are fine. Nobody is wrong here.

But if you are thirsty, you should probably go get a drink.

Anonymous wrote:Go down saying “Hi Bert and Ethel. I was on the phone sorting through some things I missed with the funeral and didn’t realize you were here. Have a great time on your trip. I have a few more things to do so I’ll leave you in DH’s capable hands. See you next week when you’re back”

This exactly. You don’t need to “entertain” then but what you are doing is really immature and childish.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is an introvert. He will always excuse himself politely and disappear. Our friends and family understand that he’s an introvert. Since I’m an extrovert I keep them engaged. DH has never once worried whether this is OK.

OP’s problem is that she is worried about pleasing the pop in and bait in switch people. OP you have to not care what they think.

What's with the bait and switch? It just sounds like they're visiting with their son for a little bit.

Go down saying “Hi Bert and Ethel. I was on the phone sorting through some things I missed with the funeral and didn’t realize you were here. Have a great time on your trip. I have a few more things to do so I’ll leave you in DH’s capable hands. See you next week when you’re back”