Anonymous wrote:Op, is the child adopted? I ask because there is more support for adopted children for residential and PHP.

Or is OP trying to rehome the adopted child?

Anonymous wrote:I have a five-year-old with ASD that I just don't think we're able to care for. The available public services, like respite care, are extremely limited. I've always heard it is extremely difficult to terminate parental rights, but I understand it might be possible (with the understanding that you may be required to pay child support).

Does anyone have any experience with this process? How do you do it?

You can place your child with another family through private adoption. This is true no matter the child's age. Both you and the other child's biological parent must be in agreement on the adoption plan. Once the adoption is finalized, your parental rights are terminated. You can contact an adoption attorney for the specifics of your state.

Op, is the child adopted? I ask because there is more support for adopted children for residential and PHP.

Anonymous wrote:I have a five-year-old with ASD that I just don't think we're able to care for. The available public services, like respite care, are extremely limited. I've always heard it is extremely difficult to terminate parental rights, but I understand it might be possible (with the understanding that you may be required to pay child support).

Does anyone have any experience with this process? How do you do it?

What state are you in?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:aren’t there publicly funded options for in-home care?

hahahhahahhaahh NO,

There are though. I am not sure how it’s done but my hairdresser has a profoundly disabled child and they had a full time aide that came every single day. He went to public school and at 18 transitioned into a group home. He is on benefits entirely. I will ask her how they did it. They also had au pairs for their NT daughter so she would have separate care.

I am telling you that in the year of our lord 2023 in Maryland with an autistic child, this does not exist.

Shoot. She’s in VA. Is it different there?

I’m guessing that you’ve applied for all the applicable public programs, but a friend with a similarly disabled child got a Katie Beckett waiver. Still challenging to schedule aides/nurses/care but a significant improvement in home life.

I’d also consider looking into moving to a state with better supports for profoundly disabled children. (Not saying they’re bad here, but sometimes have niche programs that can help). Friends moved to Colorado many years ago because there were neurologists comfortable with using cannabinols for refractory seizure disorder in children, as a last resort.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call the child welfare hotline and ask them.

I strongly recommend against engaging with the system without first hiring a lawyer. Especially given OP’s level of desperation and burnout.

You don't need a lawyer to ask about Voluntary Placement. Many of us with kids with mental health needs have had to do this.

This doesn't happen often but sometimes parents are forced to as they cannot access the mental health services they need as some are only available to kids in child welfare or juvenile justice. It's unfortunate but in MD there are not a lot of services/supports for families with extreme needs if you cannot afford to private pay. An attorney can help look over the paperwork but if they are low income the court will assign them an attorney for free. A private adoption wouldn't make sense as the next family may not be able to access the help and if they go through child welfare the adoptive family will get a stipend and medical care.

You're missing the point entirely. Voluntary placement (a division of CPS) will PLACE YOUR KID IN RESIDENTIAL at the state's expense. They may have you pay child support, but that is based on your income. You do not need an attorney to enter into this process. At all. Again, I have done it. If you haven't, you should butt out.

I completely understand how it works. Some of us do have experience with this. Yes, they will come after you for child support. They may or may not place your child in residential. It depends on what they decide as the child's needs. You don't get to demand placing your child in residential. You request a placement and the social workers decide the placement based on what's available. Its a good idea to have an attorney for the court hearings.

I would not recommend approaching CPS for anything without an attorney.

Signed,

An attorney who does not directly handle CPS matters but who has had clients involved with CPS

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call the child welfare hotline and ask them.

I strongly recommend against engaging with the system without first hiring a lawyer. Especially given OP’s level of desperation and burnout.

You don't need a lawyer to ask about Voluntary Placement. Many of us with kids with mental health needs have had to do this.

This doesn't happen often but sometimes parents are forced to as they cannot access the mental health services they need as some are only available to kids in child welfare or juvenile justice. It's unfortunate but in MD there are not a lot of services/supports for families with extreme needs if you cannot afford to private pay. An attorney can help look over the paperwork but if they are low income the court will assign them an attorney for free. A private adoption wouldn't make sense as the next family may not be able to access the help and if they go through child welfare the adoptive family will get a stipend and medical care.

You're missing the point entirely. Voluntary placement (a division of CPS) will PLACE YOUR KID IN RESIDENTIAL at the state's expense. They may have you pay child support, but that is based on your income. You do not need an attorney to enter into this process. At all. Again, I have done it. If you haven't, you should butt out.

I completely understand how it works. Some of us do have experience with this. Yes, they will come after you for child support. They may or may not place your child in residential. It depends on what they decide as the child's needs. You don't get to demand placing your child in residential. You request a placement and the social workers decide the placement based on what's available. Its a good idea to have an attorney for the court hearings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call the child welfare hotline and ask them.

I strongly recommend against engaging with the system without first hiring a lawyer. Especially given OP’s level of desperation and burnout.

You don't need a lawyer to ask about Voluntary Placement. Many of us with kids with mental health needs have had to do this.

This doesn't happen often but sometimes parents are forced to as they cannot access the mental health services they need as some are only available to kids in child welfare or juvenile justice. It's unfortunate but in MD there are not a lot of services/supports for families with extreme needs if you cannot afford to private pay. An attorney can help look over the paperwork but if they are low income the court will assign them an attorney for free. A private adoption wouldn't make sense as the next family may not be able to access the help and if they go through child welfare the adoptive family will get a stipend and medical care.

You're missing the point entirely. Voluntary placement (a division of CPS) will PLACE YOUR KID IN RESIDENTIAL at the state's expense. They may have you pay child support, but that is based on your income. You do not need an attorney to enter into this process. At all. Again, I have done it. If you haven't, you should butt out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call the child welfare hotline and ask them.

I strongly recommend against engaging with the system without first hiring a lawyer. Especially given OP’s level of desperation and burnout.

You don't need a lawyer to ask about Voluntary Placement. Many of us with kids with mental health needs have had to do this.

This doesn't happen often but sometimes parents are forced to as they cannot access the mental health services they need as some are only available to kids in child welfare or juvenile justice. It's unfortunate but in MD there are not a lot of services/supports for families with extreme needs if you cannot afford to private pay. An attorney can help look over the paperwork but if they are low income the court will assign them an attorney for free. A private adoption wouldn't make sense as the next family may not be able to access the help and if they go through child welfare the adoptive family will get a stipend and medical care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:aren’t there publicly funded options for in-home care?

hahahhahahhaahh NO,

There are though. I am not sure how it’s done but my hairdresser has a profoundly disabled child and they had a full time aide that came every single day. He went to public school and at 18 transitioned into a group home. He is on benefits entirely. I will ask her how they did it. They also had au pairs for their NT daughter so she would have separate care.

I am telling you that in the year of our lord 2023 in Maryland with an autistic child, this does not exist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve worked in residential facilities and majority of the kids there were funded by school districts. Hire an advocate OP and see what your options are. I think it’s extra hard on those kids in residential without any families. At least the ones with parents got visited and to go home on occasion. Those without any parents were essentially raised by rotating strangers with almost no adults in their life for more than a couple years. They also suffered because they got very little money from the state each year for clothes and necessities. Parents can at least provide some comfort just by providing material items, it makes such a difference. At least explore all your options before taking such a drastic measure.

+1 I would go into debt to hire a specialized nanny/full-time nurse before taking the kind of step OP is considering. This is so heartbreaking and OP I know you must be suffering to think about this option. I wish we had better, free support for families in this situation. Please take this poster seriously.

To what end? Even if you take out a second mortgage for a full time nanny who can work with a special needs nanny, eventually that money runs out and OP is back in the same position. What if OP has other children?

We do have other kids. That's much of the problem-- they've been suffering from the current situation, both physically and due to lack of attention.

We simply don't have the money to hire someone for an extended period of time, nor would we be able to get a loan to cover that.

I think having other kids will make it more challenging to maintain custody of the other children while terminating your parental rights of one of them.

and I would assume it would traumatize the other kids for their sibling to be sent away.

OP here. I really don't think that's the case. They talk about wishing their sibling would "go away." I know they probably don't entirely mean it, but it is very hard for them to be around their sibling.

DP. I mean maybe them going away would be beneficial to the other kids but as someone who used to volunteer with the foster system I would really be cautious about how you approach this because you could end up having all your kids removed, even if it is temporary. You’re really looking at using a blunt instrument for a very complicated problem.

I can empathize with your situation as my moderate support need child is very difficult as well (although I’m sure less so than yours). I had a friend whose child had a SN au pair that they paid using Medicaid and now her child is in some sort of residential placement. So maybe those are things you can explore. Or maybe you can find an ABA center if you can’t get in-home that could do a lot of after school hours as that would still give the other children some space.

To see what in home support is available, consult your school's social worker and/or contact your county's behavioral health services unit.

Highly recommend a lawyer. Residential placement may be a consideration.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:aren’t there publicly funded options for in-home care?

hahahhahahhaahh NO,

There are though. I am not sure how it’s done but my hairdresser has a profoundly disabled child and they had a full time aide that came every single day. He went to public school and at 18 transitioned into a group home. He is on benefits entirely. I will ask her how they did it. They also had au pairs for their NT daughter so she would have separate care.

I wish I had advice OP, I hope that you're able to find a solution and get some space for you, your family, and everyone elses help. Many virtual hugs, I wish I could give you a real hug and help out.

We've been to hell and back with my teenager, and I was in a similar space as you are in now a few years ago. I hope that you can find a way to continue - you're doing a good job, I know it probably doesn't feel that way right now, but I promise you are a good mom and are doing a good job.