I notice the older I get the more I feel even one drink the next day, so it's not worth it to me. I love the ritual though, so I still make a mocktail in a pretty glass with a twist of citrus, mint leaves, a luxardo cherry, whatever suits. In the winter I have hot tea. Sometimes I still have the alcohol but more often on weekends.

I've also tried CBD drinks and THC microdose drinks like Jeng, but I still consider those recreational drinks like alcohol. No hangover from those though.

I would mostly worry about the relationship with your tween kids if you have a little buzz most evenings when you’re spending time with them.

I’d also worry that you’re modeling for them that a daily buzz is a normal and acceptable level of alcohol use and that alcohol is necessary to relax, have fun, and enjoy time with your family. They are very soon going to be getting this message from their peers; if it reflects the message they are getting from home they are more likely to embrace it and more likely to binge drink to “have fun.”

I’m not one of those DCUM “no one should ever drink alcohol!” fanatics, and I’m not an alcoholic, but I have been deeply affected by alcoholism (thankfully not my parents - they drank more like you’re describing), and most people I know have been deeply affected by it. I think the emphasis on alcohol in our culture is extremely problematic in so many ways.

I think it’d be beneficial for everyone to examine when, why, and how much alcohol they’re consuming, as well as what the potential consequences (time, expense, health, sleep, opportunity cost) are of that consumption and then make an informed decision about whether and how much to drink. We do it so mindlessly, and that is a problem.

I never thought I’d be the person to brew kombucha. I’m actually not that person. But I do it because it’s super-easy, I flavor it with lavender, it has a tiny bit (like 0.5%) of alcohol that adds a tiny spark, and there are only about 30-40 calories per 8 ounces. It’s now a ritual for me. My adult kids like it too.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, these comments were extremely helpful. Even though there were different levels of concern, it’s telling that no one thought this was just A-OK. Heard and understood. I like the suggestion of waiting until the weekend (which is what I do with food indulgences). Sigh. I probably do need to find something else to look forward to during the week. The endless cycle of work, chauffeuring, dinner, homework help, clean-up preparing for the next day…. All wonderful things, yes. A full happy life. But boy do I miss having a little fun and engaging in some debauchery every now and again

So…cutting back it is. Finding another way to entertain myself in the evenings.

Thanks for the ideas and advice. Feeling a little embarrassed now that I didn’t realize this myself

OP, please don't beat yourself up over not realizing this yourself. SO many people increased their drinking over the pandemic - especially parents with kids at home - usually unintentionally. These habits become hard to break. Good for you for asking and for being receptive to feedback.

You don't have to forego alcohol every night, but it's a great idea to find other things that help you feel relaxed or even just like a person beyond the work/chauffeur/cook/tutor cycle. I have three kids, I get it completely. You deserve time for you, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, these comments were extremely helpful. Even though there were different levels of concern, it’s telling that no one thought this was just A-OK. Heard and understood. I like the suggestion of waiting until the weekend (which is what I do with food indulgences). Sigh. I probably do need to find something else to look forward to during the week. The endless cycle of work, chauffeuring, dinner, homework help, clean-up preparing for the next day…. All wonderful things, yes. A full happy life. But boy do I miss having a little fun and engaging in some debauchery every now and again

So…cutting back it is. Finding another way to entertain myself in the evenings.

Thanks for the ideas and advice. Feeling a little embarrassed now that I didn’t realize this myself

You just need to substitute one habit/ritual for the other. I have found one particular Kambucha that I like. I pour myself one glass, made up like a cocktail, every evening. I don't let myself drink it at other times of the day. I now look forward to that, rather than a regular cocktail.

What Kambucha do you like?

Health-Ade Kombucha - Citrus

I hear you, OP.

It’s not good to have 2 drinks per day 7 days per week. So here’s my compromise:

1-2 drinks Friday, Saturday, Sunday
Mon- Thurs: too busy driving kids around. I have kombucha as my “treat”. Seltzer or low calorie mocktails would work too.

I mix my own drinks. I stick with the “clear” spirits for the most part and I don’t like sweet so they are rarely over 200 calories. I’m 45 and pretty healthy.

It sounds like more than boredom since the OP reports being “miserable” after giving up her cocktails. That is not normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, these comments were extremely helpful. Even though there were different levels of concern, it’s telling that no one thought this was just A-OK. Heard and understood. I like the suggestion of waiting until the weekend (which is what I do with food indulgences). Sigh. I probably do need to find something else to look forward to during the week. The endless cycle of work, chauffeuring, dinner, homework help, clean-up preparing for the next day…. All wonderful things, yes. A full happy life. But boy do I miss having a little fun and engaging in some debauchery every now and again

So…cutting back it is. Finding another way to entertain myself in the evenings.

Thanks for the ideas and advice. Feeling a little embarrassed now that I didn’t realize this myself

You just need to substitute one habit/ritual for the other. I have found one particular Kambucha that I like. I pour myself one glass, made up like a cocktail, every evening. I don't let myself drink it at other times of the day. I now look forward to that, rather than a regular cocktail.

What Kambucha do you like?

Anonymous wrote:OP here, these comments were extremely helpful. Even though there were different levels of concern, it’s telling that no one thought this was just A-OK. Heard and understood. I like the suggestion of waiting until the weekend (which is what I do with food indulgences). Sigh. I probably do need to find something else to look forward to during the week. The endless cycle of work, chauffeuring, dinner, homework help, clean-up preparing for the next day…. All wonderful things, yes. A full happy life. But boy do I miss having a little fun and engaging in some debauchery every now and again

So…cutting back it is. Finding another way to entertain myself in the evenings.

Thanks for the ideas and advice. Feeling a little embarrassed now that I didn’t realize this myself

You just need to substitute one habit/ritual for the other. I have found one particular Kambucha that I like. I pour myself one glass, made up like a cocktail, every evening. I don't let myself drink it at other times of the day. I now look forward to that, rather than a regular cocktail.

If you read the OP it sounds like it's three drinks per day - two before dinner and a glass of wine with dinner. Plus she gets a little buzz. Seems like that should be a Friday or Saturday night treat and not a daily habit. And trust me your kids will eventually notice that you're buzzed every night.

This is DCUM. You’re an alcoholic and you’re going to be sleeping in the gutter next week if you don’t stop

Do you think it's just that the drink signals that you're done for the night? You don't have to do anything productive after that? I know sometimes I like to have wine on my deck in part because I can only do that when I'm not due anywhere.

I drank 2 drinks most nights during most of deepest pandemic because all my other hobbies were eliminated. Half the fun was coming up with the cocktails, sourcing the ingredients, etc. I never had a problem stopping at 2 and, in fact, probably never went over 2 in the comfort of my living room... whereas pre-/post-pandemic I'll occasionally have 3 or even 4 at a special event (every 2-3 months) even though I drink much less on a daily basis.

I've cut back since other pleasures have returned and I know 2 drinks isn't healthy, so now it's usually 5-7/week tops. I also do dry January every year.

Ultimately, 2 drinks a night is too much alcohol and too much sugar to be healthy, but it probably isn't much worse than folks who eat a lot of fast food or are 50 lbs overweight or any other unhealthy thing.

Anonymous wrote:You're bored and need to develop new habits and hobbies. What else could you do with your time before dinner? Find something to takes its place that makes you happy instead of a drink. Reading, games, an online class, talking to someone else.

This is probably part of it.

I think it's a good sanity check to sometimes take breaks from alcohol. I enjoy a few drinks, but lately I've found that each year into my 40s, I just feel worse the next day. Usually it's nothing dramatic, but I am more irritable and cranky, even if I seem to have slept well and don't have a typical "hangover". So I am cutting back a lot and taking longer breaks.

I had 2 drinks most evenings for several years and was always able to stop at 2 drinks. When I did stop fully for various reasons at times, I didn't lose any weight.

Eventually for some reason I started getting hangovers that were mainly just being shorter tempered the next day. That doesn't work with little kids so i've pulled back to just 1x / wk.

I don't think its a problem if you're not seeing a problem from it.