Anonymous wrote:I married one but he does keep a job and makes good money BUT he can't do anything else literally nothing else no other life skills but his job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:When I read these kinds of threads, I always wonder about the time when you first started dating. Were these guys living in their parent’s basement or on their own? If on their own, was their apartment relatively clean and were their bills paid? Once married, did you make their life too easy and now they are in lazy mode? How did your situation start?

I’m confused by your confusion. They mask. All crappy partners “mask.” Alcoholics, addicts, rage-aholics, sex addicts, and perennial losers. They keep it together for as long as they need to and once they feel comfortable, the real them comes out.

No one can “mask” being a loser. That would require high sociopathic intelligence and willful deception. If he’s a failure to launch bum, he is almost certainly not that smart or sophisticated.

The whole thing about failure to launch is it is immediately visible, ie. still living in mom’s basement, holding down menial jobs etc. (NOT being a GS 14, wth?)

All the failure to launch types I know failed to launch because they never had to. Either extremely wealthy or enabled by parents who could support them. They are smart, well-read, well-traveled, well-educated, own homes and usually work at something in a casual way that doesn't bring in much money.
I should know, since I'm one of them.

Good for you.

All the FTL 20-50 yos we know have unmanaged adhd or aspergers. Many of their parents do as well so they can’t figure it out.

Right now one was gifted a bunch of rental properties because he can’t hold down a job without messing up or saying/doing someone foolish.

Maybe it just sticks out more because these FTL DHs and [someone you know's] son are men.

How many women have well paid husbands--have a kid or more--then never go back to work. Is it because they are "better at being a SAHM" than working at regular jobs? DWs live in homes paid for by someone else, in this case their husband instead of wealthy parents. They "just volunteer" and do other non-regular jobs. Or have hobbies. Or hang out in Europe. When the shoe is on the other foot, it's not a FTL wife, is it? Just the males. Got it.

Anonymous wrote:I am the mom of an adult male who I fear will be this type of husband. I honestly don’t want him to marry and reproduce. I love him to death, but he cannot manage himself at all. He will need a mom-wife. Ugh.

Anonymous wrote:I married one but he does keep a job and makes good money BUT he can't do anything else literally nothing else no other life skills but his job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I read these kinds of threads, I always wonder about the time when you first started dating. Were these guys living in their parent’s basement or on their own? If on their own, was their apartment relatively clean and were their bills paid? Once married, did you make their life too easy and now they are in lazy mode? How did your situation start?

I’m confused by your confusion. They mask. All crappy partners “mask.” Alcoholics, addicts, rage-aholics, sex addicts, and perennial losers. They keep it together for as long as they need to and once they feel comfortable, the real them comes out.

No one can “mask” being a loser. That would require high sociopathic intelligence and willful deception. If he’s a failure to launch bum, he is almost certainly not that smart or sophisticated.

The whole thing about failure to launch is it is immediately visible, ie. still living in mom’s basement, holding down menial jobs etc. (NOT being a GS 14, wth?)

All the failure to launch types I know failed to launch because they never had to. Either extremely wealthy or enabled by parents who could support them. They are smart, well-read, well-traveled, well-educated, own homes and usually work at something in a casual way that doesn't bring in much money.
I should know, since I'm one of them.

Good for you.

All the FTL 20-50 yos we know have unmanaged adhd or aspergers. Many of their parents do as well so they can’t figure it out.

Right now one was gifted a bunch of rental properties because he can’t hold down a job without messing up or saying/doing someone foolish.

Maybe it just sticks out more because these FTL DHs and [someone you know's] son are men.

How many women have well paid husbands--have a kid or more--then never go back to work. Is it because they are "better at being a SAHM" than working at regular jobs? DWs live in homes paid for by someone else, in this case their husband instead of wealthy parents. They "just volunteer" and do other non-regular jobs. Or have hobbies. Or hang out in Europe. When the shoe is on the other foot, it's not a FTL wife, is it? Just the males. Got it.

Anonymous wrote:I am the mom of an adult male who I fear will be this type of husband. I honestly don’t want him to marry and reproduce. I love him to death, but he cannot manage himself at all. He will need a mom-wife. Ugh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I read these kinds of threads, I always wonder about the time when you first started dating. Were these guys living in their parent’s basement or on their own? If on their own, was their apartment relatively clean and were their bills paid? Once married, did you make their life too easy and now they are in lazy mode? How did your situation start?

I’m confused by your confusion. They mask. All crappy partners “mask.” Alcoholics, addicts, rage-aholics, sex addicts, and perennial losers. They keep it together for as long as they need to and once they feel comfortable, the real them comes out.

No one can “mask” being a loser. That would require high sociopathic intelligence and willful deception. If he’s a failure to launch bum, he is almost certainly not that smart or sophisticated.

The whole thing about failure to launch is it is immediately visible, ie. still living in mom’s basement, holding down menial jobs etc. (NOT being a GS 14, wth?)

All the failure to launch types I know failed to launch because they never had to. Either extremely wealthy or enabled by parents who could support them. They are smart, well-read, well-traveled, well-educated, own homes and usually work at something in a casual way that doesn't bring in much money.
I should know, since I'm one of them.

Good for you.

All the FTL 20-50 yos we know have unmanaged adhd or aspergers. Many of their parents do as well so they can’t figure it out.

Right now one was gifted a bunch of rental properties because he can’t hold down a job without messing up or saying/doing someone foolish.

Maybe it just sticks out more because these FTL DHs and [someone you know's] son are men.

How many women have well paid husbands--have a kid or more--then never go back to work. Is it because they are "better at being a SAHM" than working at regular jobs? DWs live in homes paid for by someone else, in this case their husband instead of wealthy parents. They "just volunteer" and do other non-regular jobs. Or have hobbies. Or hang out in Europe. When the shoe is on the other foot, it's not a FTL wife, is it? Just the males. Got it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I read these kinds of threads, I always wonder about the time when you first started dating. Were these guys living in their parent’s basement or on their own? If on their own, was their apartment relatively clean and were their bills paid? Once married, did you make their life too easy and now they are in lazy mode? How did your situation start?

I’m confused by your confusion. They mask. All crappy partners “mask.” Alcoholics, addicts, rage-aholics, sex addicts, and perennial losers. They keep it together for as long as they need to and once they feel comfortable, the real them comes out.

No one can “mask” being a loser. That would require high sociopathic intelligence and willful deception. If he’s a failure to launch bum, he is almost certainly not that smart or sophisticated.

The whole thing about failure to launch is it is immediately visible, ie. still living in mom’s basement, holding down menial jobs etc. (NOT being a GS 14, wth?)

All the failure to launch types I know failed to launch because they never had to. Either extremely wealthy or enabled by parents who could support them. They are smart, well-read, well-traveled, well-educated, own homes and usually work at something in a casual way that doesn't bring in much money.
I should know, since I'm one of them.

Good for you.

All the FTL 20-50 yos we know have unmanaged adhd or aspergers. Many of their parents do as well so they can’t figure it out.

Right now one was gifted a bunch of rental properties because he can’t hold down a job without messing up or saying/doing someone foolish.

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman, but I too would say that I have gone backwards and reversed matured as well. I used to have it all together but it has all unraveled. I also have ADHD and then developed an autoimmune disorder and the combination was unraveling.

It is a weird position to be in. I am currently single so I am not dragging anyways backwards with me but it is still strange to unmature.

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it’s actually pretty easy to hide laziness for quite awhile. This is true regardless of family wealth in my opinion. They’re good storytellers and they believe their own story.