Anonymous
09/29/2023 15:46
Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is he medicated?
This completely describes my ADHD girl's room until we found the right medication/dosage. It was a complete and utter pigsty. Once she started meds she's done a total 180. It's completely clean most of the time-even the bathroom!
Why is that?
She finally could focus on what people were instructing her on or have the capacity to see what needed to be done daily or weekly?
Probably this. I have a feeling she was completely overwhelmed and didn't know where to start so she just kept procrastinating. Once she was on meds for a while she was able to focus on small projects to get gone. Now she will take a few hours every few Sundays and completely clean her room-washing bedding, duvet, cleaning bathroom, etc. She's also matured-she's now 18 so I think that played a role too.
We stopped nagging her a long time ago since it never worked. If she was content living in filth I didn't care as long as I didn't have to see it.
Anonymous
09/29/2023 15:40
Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:Is he medicated?
This completely describes my ADHD girl's room until we found the right medication/dosage. It was a complete and utter pigsty. Once she started meds she's done a total 180. It's completely clean most of the time-even the bathroom!
Why is that?
She finally could focus on what people were instructing her on or have the capacity to see what needed to be done daily or weekly?
Anonymous
09/29/2023 14:21
Subject: Re:Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our family therapist said to leave the kids room alone. Don't clean it. It was painful but that is what I did. He also did his own laundry which was painful.
But by sophomore year of college he kept a clean room.
We never punished him for not being clean or nagged him.
Every blue moon he would give me a shirt or pants to throw in with my clothes but that was about it.
He is also an athlete (also plays in college) and it's really hard to "do it all", but he has the right to prioritize his life.
That won’t work with an ADHD kid. You need to show them (many times) how exactly things need to be done.
The poster with the photo idea is spot on.
Agree. Even among kids with ADHD, there's variance. But for many, you're going to have better results by explicitly teaching the skill and repeating many times.
+2 if there's ADHD at play.
Sounds like impulse eating is at play too; also common with adhd kids and adults.
Anonymous
09/29/2023 14:20
Subject: Re:Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:I agree this level is unacceptable and you need to work on this.
But just an anecdote to make you feel better. My (neurotypical) brother used to have a gross room when we were growing up. It ALWAYS smelled. He was in charge of his own laundry but would let it sit too long, he'd leave dishes in there. Drove my mother nuts! One day it was particularly bad and mom threw a fit, saying he was stinking up the whole house, made him take all the dishes out and put them in the dishwasher, and then get all his laundry off the floor. When he picked up the last piece of clothing in the middle of the room, what was under it? A DEAD BIRD. One of the cats must had brought it in like a week before. It was FOUL.
He's now a gainfully employed, happily married father of three who loves doing dishes and gets upset if there are any in the sink too long. You can turn this around! Keep trying!
Lol
Unf that’s (natural consequences) is not how ADHD people learn. And if they’re overwhelmed they don’t learn at all.
Anonymous
09/29/2023 13:59
Subject: Re:Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I agree this level is unacceptable and you need to work on this.
But just an anecdote to make you feel better. My (neurotypical) brother used to have a gross room when we were growing up. It ALWAYS smelled. He was in charge of his own laundry but would let it sit too long, he'd leave dishes in there. Drove my mother nuts! One day it was particularly bad and mom threw a fit, saying he was stinking up the whole house, made him take all the dishes out and put them in the dishwasher, and then get all his laundry off the floor. When he picked up the last piece of clothing in the middle of the room, what was under it? A DEAD BIRD. One of the cats must had brought it in like a week before. It was FOUL.
He's now a gainfully employed, happily married father of three who loves doing dishes and gets upset if there are any in the sink too long. You can turn this around! Keep trying!
OH MY GOD
I know, right? Imagine the societal collapse if the proud high bar for mothers of three was 'loves to do dishes and gets pissy if there are dirty dishes in the sink". Grandma comes over to take care of everything else but mom's awesome at sink dishes.
Anonymous
09/29/2023 11:57
Subject: Re:Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Empty out his room completely. He is only allowed to bring stuff that he uses and needs into his room for 1 month, as and when he needs it.
The. Go through the rest of the stuff and get rid of everything that you can do without.
The. Go through the rest of the stuff and get rid of everything that you can do without.
Anonymous
09/29/2023 11:55
Subject: Re:Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Make the room and his possessions minimalistic. He has a lot of stuff.
Anonymous
09/29/2023 11:49
Subject: Re:Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our family therapist said to leave the kids room alone. Don't clean it. It was painful but that is what I did. He also did his own laundry which was painful.
But by sophomore year of college he kept a clean room.
We never punished him for not being clean or nagged him.
Every blue moon he would give me a shirt or pants to throw in with my clothes but that was about it.
He is also an athlete (also plays in college) and it's really hard to "do it all", but he has the right to prioritize his life.
That won’t work with an ADHD kid. You need to show them (many times) how exactly things need to be done.
The poster with the photo idea is spot on.
Agree. Even among kids with ADHD, there's variance. But for many, you're going to have better results by explicitly teaching the skill and repeating many times.
+2 if there's ADHD at play.
Anonymous
09/29/2023 11:47
Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ew, boy moms are not helpful to tomorrow's society are they.
Generalize much?
Right? Pretty sure most of the people giving advice are parents of boys. But not #boymoms or mothers of “very active boys”