Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 20:36     Subject: I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
I do not understand the cognitive dissonance that leads a betrayed spouse to vilify one party in their betrayal while continuing to have sex with the other party. That makes no sense to me. If you believe the spouse can be forgiven then obviously the AP didn’t do you such a bad turn that you’re not literally having sex with the person who brought them into your life.

Betrayed spouses who leave there cheaters and continue to hate both parties seem at least consistent to me.

And if you say “but I love my husband/wife!” then you’re admitting the pre-existing relationship matters, and therefore the AP— with no existing relationship with you— is off the hook.

Never cheated myself but have seen a few adulterous situations unfold in our social group. Much easier to keep the spouses who left the cheaters than deal with the hypocrisy of the ones who didn’t.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 20:19     Subject: I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone thinks they are without blame
It's just that the wives usually want the other woman to suffer for her pain and embarrassment.

It's less about blame and more about wounded pride .

Even if just briefly her husband chose another woman over her and for that she must pay


And because of “girl code”. It’s a mean girl, b@tch act to hook up with someone else’s boyfriend/husband. When you would never ever do it (and never have), it’s hard to comprehend.


+1 million

“Those” type of women. We all knew them in high school and college…and post-college. They made it a habit to try to bang other woman’s significant others because they thought it meant they were superior, a boost to their self-esteem. If the woman was prettier, etc,- then they must really be high worth to get her boyfriend/spouse to sleep with them.

They just got to be known as “easy pickings”. Guys use them. They know what they are good for: pump and dump.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 20:12     Subject: Re:I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
^ hole
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 20:12     Subject: I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Trash people gonna be trashy. Of course they are not blameless. Are the responsible for someone else’s marriage, no of course not, that doesn’t absolve them of being a garbage person though.


But that isn’t the topic. The topic is are they to blame. Sure they have poor morals, but if not them the husband would have found someone else to sleep with. The “other” person isn’t to blame personally for the affair. The only one to blame is the one that broke their marriage vows.


Yes. Of course. She didn’t matter- it could have been any warm whole willing to bang a married guy.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 20:10     Subject: I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone thinks they are without blame
It's just that the wives usually want the other woman to suffer for her pain and embarrassment.

It's less about blame and more about wounded pride .

Even if just briefly her husband chose another woman over her and for that she must pay


And because of “girl code”. It’s a mean girl, b@tch act to hook up with someone else’s boyfriend/husband. When you would never ever do it (and never have), it’s hard to comprehend.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 19:57     Subject: I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
I don't think anyone thinks they are without blame
It's just that the wives usually want the other woman to suffer for her pain and embarrassment.

It's less about blame and more about wounded pride .

Even if just briefly her husband chose another woman over her and for that she must pay
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 18:39     Subject: Re:I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is something very primal that comes out when someone tries to directly come at your family in the way OW search social media about the wife and wish her ill will do they can win “the prize”. It’s a protection of children. Very mama bear.



Gross no. You primal “mama bear” instruct should be to leave your loser husband. The other woman is irrelevant


Going into spouses phone when he left it out and getting names of contacts. Looking up everyone he knew—deep dive of obsession.
Gross is also cyberstalking the wife and her friends/family. These situations bring out the worst of all human behavior.


Can you explain this. People have posted a few times about cyberstalking, but if you have privacy settings enabled and block them, how do they stalking you in a public forum? I’m mostly asking because I have never done social media because I have a past relationship (it was NOT an affair) and I don’t want my ex seeing my life/work status so I never did anything with my real name.


It sounds like this person is exaggerating. By “cyberstalking” they mean someone was looking up social media info on them they have set to public
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 18:36     Subject: I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Anonymous wrote:Trash people gonna be trashy. Of course they are not blameless. Are the responsible for someone else’s marriage, no of course not, that doesn’t absolve them of being a garbage person though.


But that isn’t the topic. The topic is are they to blame. Sure they have poor morals, but if not them the husband would have found someone else to sleep with. The “other” person isn’t to blame personally for the affair. The only one to blame is the one that broke their marriage vows.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 15:59     Subject: I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Trash people gonna be trashy. Of course they are not blameless. Are the responsible for someone else’s marriage, no of course not, that doesn’t absolve them of being a garbage person though.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 15:57     Subject: I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Their character really has nothing to do with blame.

Yes they are 100% blameless and it is entirely the fault of the cheating spouse. If they have to be the cheating spouse in their own marriage they they are to blame for their own marriage’s downfall, but not yours


They are an accessory to the crime. They participate in behavior that they know could seriously hurt someone else, just for their own gain. I would apportion a good 10% of the blame to them.


Except it isn’t a crime.


Adultery isn't a crime???? OMG I just had no idea thank you so much for telling me, that changes my opinion entirely.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 15:33     Subject: I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Their character really has nothing to do with blame.

Yes they are 100% blameless and it is entirely the fault of the cheating spouse. If they have to be the cheating spouse in their own marriage they they are to blame for their own marriage’s downfall, but not yours


They are an accessory to the crime. They participate in behavior that they know could seriously hurt someone else, just for their own gain. I would apportion a good 10% of the blame to them.


Except it isn’t a crime.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 15:10     Subject: I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Anonymous wrote:Their character really has nothing to do with blame.

Yes they are 100% blameless and it is entirely the fault of the cheating spouse. If they have to be the cheating spouse in their own marriage they they are to blame for their own marriage’s downfall, but not yours


They are an accessory to the crime. They participate in behavior that they know could seriously hurt someone else, just for their own gain. I would apportion a good 10% of the blame to them.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 15:06     Subject: I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Anonymous wrote:They may not have known.


This is often the case. Sometimes they find out when the AP’s spouse confronts them.

Technology makes it really easy for cheaters to cheat. Even teens have burner phones these days.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 15:04     Subject: Re:I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They have mental health issues so it’s not like they can really see things as they are


I agree. They usually, at a minimum, have very low self esteem and tend to believe anything their affair partner tells them.

I had a friend who slept with married men because it boosted her ego to know she could "steal" a man. I had no sympathy for her at all.

But I also had a friend who had no family, had had an abusive father, and her affair partner was the only man who ever really paid much attention to her. And that was just tragic to me.


I also know APs who were groomed by men who were older and had power over them.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2023 15:01     Subject: Re:I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is something very primal that comes out when someone tries to directly come at your family in the way OW search social media about the wife and wish her ill will do they can win “the prize”. It’s a protection of children. Very mama bear.



Gross no. You primal “mama bear” instruct should be to leave your loser husband. The other woman is irrelevant


Gross is also cyberstalking the wife and her friends/family. These situations bring out the worst of all human behavior.


Can you explain this. People have posted a few times about cyberstalking, but if you have privacy settings enabled and block them, how do they stalking you in a public forum? I’m mostly asking because I have never done social media because I have a past relationship (it was NOT an affair) and I don’t want my ex seeing my life/work status so I never did anything with my real name.


It sounds like this person is exaggerating. By “cyberstalking” they mean someone was looking up social media info on them they have set to public