Anonymous
Post 09/08/2023 16:06     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If they can’t even pay for the wedding themselves, they are not ready to get married.


+1

It’s so outdated to expect parents to pay for a wedding. People aren’t getting married at 18 anymore.


We paid for 12 years of private school, including boarding schools for our kids. Four years of college. One grad school so far. We are paying precisely $0 for any wedding that they have (irrespective of gender) which they have all known. I think weddings are a huge waste of money frankly. We will definitely give them a cash gift when they marry, then can do what they wish with that, but I hope they choose not to spend it on one day.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2023 16:03     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
Anonymous wrote:There are no rules. If the groom's family is the typical DCUM demographic of having an astronomical HHI and anticipating a huge inheritance then they should help pay for the wedding.


They should? Why?
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2023 15:56     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
In our community, grooms parents pay for rehearsal dinner, and either 50% of wedding or FLOP- flowers, liquor, orchestra and photography.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2023 15:38     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
I paid $25k for my own wedding at the age of 25. But I lived rent-free at my parents home after college.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2023 03:24     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
My MIL wanted a specific wedding venue, and offered to pay for part of it. My family paid $30k, my in laws paid $30k and we paid for the rest of it (20k).
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2023 02:39     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
Anonymous wrote:Divorce rate should make people spend less on weddings but sadly we live in an era of social media so weddings are actually becoming more expensive. My BIL spent $30K just on fresh floral decor.


That is so asinine. I've never been to a wedding and thought to myself, "well, this would have been a great wedding except there weren't giant centerpieces and huge floral displays down the aisle".

(I bought 200 white roses from a wholesaler and put them in mason jars...less than $300 total. Can't imagine anyone had less of a good time because of it.)
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2023 19:53     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We happily paid for three weddings for our three daughters, which ranged in cost from around $40k to $100k depending on what they wanted. We didn’t ask or expect the grooms’ families to pay for anything, but accepted whatever they offered to contribute. While none actually contribute to the wedding costs themselves, they did things like hood very, very nice rehearsal dinners - one probably cost as much as many weddings! - gave the newlyweds large cash gifts, etc.

All of the brides were in their mid to late 20s on their wedding days.


How many of the divorces are you willing to pay for?


Omg just stop. You must be super fun at parties
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2023 19:28     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
Anonymous wrote:We happily paid for three weddings for our three daughters, which ranged in cost from around $40k to $100k depending on what they wanted. We didn’t ask or expect the grooms’ families to pay for anything, but accepted whatever they offered to contribute. While none actually contribute to the wedding costs themselves, they did things like hood very, very nice rehearsal dinners - one probably cost as much as many weddings! - gave the newlyweds large cash gifts, etc.

All of the brides were in their mid to late 20s on their wedding days.


How many of the divorces are you willing to pay for?
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2023 19:24     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
For my wedding my now husband and I paid and did not ask for any money from parents. But they all gave us a good amount as a gift afterwards, what they felt was appropriate.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2023 09:32     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: BTW the bride side PAYS for wedding 100 percent.

Groom side pays 100 percent limo, rehearsal dinner, engagement ring, honeymoon and place to live.

I got married a long time ago and my wife’s side paid 100 percent.

But i paid 7 night honey moon Hawaii
$8,000 engagement ring
My parents rehearsal dinner
And then I paid 20 percent down on house and put wife’s name on deed.

More than happy to pay 100 percent daughters wedding under these rules



BTW that's just not really how it works anymore!


It does for some people and that's fine for them.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2023 08:40     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
Anonymous wrote: BTW the bride side PAYS for wedding 100 percent.

Groom side pays 100 percent limo, rehearsal dinner, engagement ring, honeymoon and place to live.

I got married a long time ago and my wife’s side paid 100 percent.

But i paid 7 night honey moon Hawaii
$8,000 engagement ring
My parents rehearsal dinner
And then I paid 20 percent down on house and put wife’s name on deed.

More than happy to pay 100 percent daughters wedding under these rules



BTW that's just not really how it works anymore!
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2023 08:39     Subject: Re:When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
Anonymous wrote:My son got married last week. Him and his bride paid for most of the wedding themselves but they wanted a simple wedding …80 people at an outdoor ceremony then reception in a restored grist mill. It was simple, beautiful, and a collaborative effort between both families as we created decor and an elaborate dessert table . It was a lot of fun and it was very memorable and meaningful for both of them .

My DIL and I grew dahlias in my garden which she used on the tables, my son and I planted and tended overflowing flower pots that lined the walkways , etc.

The brides family and my dh and I each contributed equal amounts to their special day and split the cost of rehearsal dinner.

But I think it’s important for the ones getting married to pay for the majority of a wedding themselves. Any gifts from the parents on either side should just be icing on the cake .


That sounds like a gorgeous wedding - mazel tov!
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2023 08:38     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
Anonymous wrote:My parents gave both my brother and I $35k each for our weddings - no gender difference, which I think is the right thing to do.

My husband’s parents gave us $15K but gave his sister substantially more for her wedding.


My parents and my husband's parents gave us $10k each for our wedding. I think we paid for our own "rehearsal" dinner - which was just pizza and drinks at my cousin's house.

We weren't earning much - we were both journalists at the time, and I still had a sh** ton of student loans. No savings. So these gifts made our wedding possible, and we were very grateful for them. It was a VERY casual wedding, and we loved it. My dress was $400 from Nordstroms.

I think like PPs are saying - if a set of parents feels very strongly that a wedding has to be bigger or fancier than what the couple/whoever is paying wants or can do, they are welcome to contribute more to get that.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2023 08:37     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
Anonymous wrote:We happily paid for three weddings for our three daughters, which ranged in cost from around $40k to $100k depending on what they wanted. We didn’t ask or expect the grooms’ families to pay for anything, but accepted whatever they offered to contribute. While none actually contribute to the wedding costs themselves, they did things like hood very, very nice rehearsal dinners - one probably cost as much as many weddings! - gave the newlyweds large cash gifts, etc.

All of the brides were in their mid to late 20s on their wedding days.


You are very wealthy most are not.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2023 08:34     Subject: When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?
We happily paid for three weddings for our three daughters, which ranged in cost from around $40k to $100k depending on what they wanted. We didn’t ask or expect the grooms’ families to pay for anything, but accepted whatever they offered to contribute. While none actually contribute to the wedding costs themselves, they did things like hood very, very nice rehearsal dinners - one probably cost as much as many weddings! - gave the newlyweds large cash gifts, etc.

All of the brides were in their mid to late 20s on their wedding days.