Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 11:30     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:Eating and losing weight and losing ability to eat certain foods could also be Crohn's or IBD-which are very treatable!


I know what you are saying, but suspect you either aren't in IBD world or you were blessed with an easy to treat form. Yes, treatable for many, but as a parent of a kid with an IBD I can tell you no walk in the park and the treatments can be an ordeal. I think you are being misleading making it sound like if he just gets scopes and a biopsies and finds out he has an IBD, there is an easy treatment and life goes back to normal. Some need other procedures beyond scopes to diagnosis. Then if you do have it, it's not like for many you just pop a pill once and life is better. It can take a while to find the right treatment and there are risks with the ones that tend to be the best. Most non-IBD people or people with easy cases don't understand how complicated it can be and what it is to deal with infusions not working, surgeries, etc.

That said, if he ignores an IBD for too long he could end up with things like needing a large part of his colon removed, not being able to poop the traditional way and far more. Unfortunately, even those who treat it can have this, but left untreated he could definitely be on this road. Perhaps that might help him wake up. It's one thing to think you'd rather die than go through many rounds of chemo. It's another to refuse to treat something that likely won't kill you, but could lead to a lot of complications and surgeries you might have avoided.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 10:34     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Eating and losing weight and losing ability to eat certain foods could also be Crohn's or IBD-which are very treatable!
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 10:27     Subject: Re:Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:So, OP, you have contacted his priest, told his parents, enlisted the help of friends who work in healthcare, had your children beg him and you have begged him to get checked out. None of this has moved him.

Time to take care of yourself. Update your will, life insurance, POA, etc, and get your ducks in a row if the worst happens. Sounds like you have done everything you can and that your partner is so stuck in his health anxiety that he cannot be helped by you. Maybe you say that to him. "I have done everything I can to urge you to seek help that you need, but at this point, that's all I can do. It's up to you to deal with this. You need help that I can't give. At least help me update these things so that if you die, the kids and I are ok."

And then try to be at peace and be with your kids.


Thanks, that’s pretty much the path I’m taking.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 10:06     Subject: Re:Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
So, OP, you have contacted his priest, told his parents, enlisted the help of friends who work in healthcare, had your children beg him and you have begged him to get checked out. None of this has moved him.

Time to take care of yourself. Update your will, life insurance, POA, etc, and get your ducks in a row if the worst happens. Sounds like you have done everything you can and that your partner is so stuck in his health anxiety that he cannot be helped by you. Maybe you say that to him. "I have done everything I can to urge you to seek help that you need, but at this point, that's all I can do. It's up to you to deal with this. You need help that I can't give. At least help me update these things so that if you die, the kids and I are ok."

And then try to be at peace and be with your kids.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 01:50     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:Op, hasn't his parents seen him? What do they say?

I would get him Ensure or drinks that will provide balanced nutrients if you haven't try that. Lots of soup, more soup if he has stomach/dietary issues.

Get him to urgent care if ER is too much, check their hours of operation and go there early so he is the first patient of the day.

Wishing your family the best.






No. His parents live out of state and we have not seen them since the holidays before COVID. At most we usually see them once or twice a year -- and only because I have pushed to go so our kids can have time with them. We have video calls with them usually weekly since COVID hit in 2020. They do not fly (EVER) and it is a multi-day drive to get here. Airline prices have gone up a lot and even when we do go we have about a 2.5h drive from the airport to their home. He loves his parents and loves when he sees them, but he's never spent much time with them after college. He actually saw them more because I wanted the kids to know them.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2023 13:33     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Op, hasn't his parents seen him? What do they say?

I would get him Ensure or drinks that will provide balanced nutrients if you haven't try that. Lots of soup, more soup if he has stomach/dietary issues.

Get him to urgent care if ER is too much, check their hours of operation and go there early so he is the first patient of the day.

Wishing your family the best.




Anonymous
Post 09/09/2023 13:26     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Cab you go step by step. Does he have a doctor at all who can order tests. To decide if you need to explore Crohns or Colitis one of the tests just involves pooping into a "hat" and then you collect a sample. That's easy enough. Have you asked how his poop is? Any blood? Any diarrhea or constipation?

The bloodwork is the perfect start as well. I think for kids there is a numbing agent they can use on the arm. If they have that, would that help him just go and give his blood already?

I would focus on step by step....blood and poop would be a great step in the right direction! Also, will he share his weight? How far below normal BMI is he?

Is he tired?


He does not have a doctor. Has not had a wellness check as long as I’ve know him (20+ years).


Ok first step get him on a scale. I assume you know his height. Look up how far below normal BMI is.


I appreciate the suggestion, but he gets angry with any discussion about his weight. Within the last year he told me he was his high school weight which for a man his age is underweight according to BMI calculators. I do r know what his weight is now.


So I think your approach should be try everything to get him to take charge of his health so if the worst happens you can remind yourself you did all you could. It might sound grim but you cannot force care on him. So next step, involve his parents. I assume you already involved his friends. If he takes it out on you you have boundaries and calmly remind him you don't want him to die because of his stubbornness. I also might have a convo with adult protective services and see if there is anything that can be done for a person who is showing signs of a health issue who refuses care. Probably not.

I would look into a therapist for you so you can find the balance between trying all sorts of permutations to get him to wake up and also not driving yourself insane. He is not allowed to take out his anger on you.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2023 12:18     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Cab you go step by step. Does he have a doctor at all who can order tests. To decide if you need to explore Crohns or Colitis one of the tests just involves pooping into a "hat" and then you collect a sample. That's easy enough. Have you asked how his poop is? Any blood? Any diarrhea or constipation?

The bloodwork is the perfect start as well. I think for kids there is a numbing agent they can use on the arm. If they have that, would that help him just go and give his blood already?

I would focus on step by step....blood and poop would be a great step in the right direction! Also, will he share his weight? How far below normal BMI is he?

Is he tired?


He does not have a doctor. Has not had a wellness check as long as I’ve know him (20+ years).


Ok first step get him on a scale. I assume you know his height. Look up how far below normal BMI is.


Honestly, I think you should get therapy for yourself. You are a saint for dealing with this jacka**

I appreciate the suggestion, but he gets angry with any discussion about his weight. Within the last year he told me he was his high school weight which for a man his age is underweight according to BMI calculators. I do r know what his weight is now.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2023 12:01     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For my dad this was pancreatic cancer. He died within two weeks of diagnosis in 2020.


Yes but ops husband has been losing weight for a while now. Wouldn’t the other symptoms of pancan have presented by now? It’s pretty quick from my understanding (like a few months).

If there are any digestive issues or diabetics in his family I would bet it’s something of that nature. Especially if his energy levels are the same and he’s not having any other issues. Or parasite.


Np here. For my family member it was about six months of weight loss first. He was heavyset so he had it to lose. Once he went to the doctor it was a few weeks of testing and running around. He finally got a diagnosis and was gone two weeks after that.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2023 11:52     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Cab you go step by step. Does he have a doctor at all who can order tests. To decide if you need to explore Crohns or Colitis one of the tests just involves pooping into a "hat" and then you collect a sample. That's easy enough. Have you asked how his poop is? Any blood? Any diarrhea or constipation?

The bloodwork is the perfect start as well. I think for kids there is a numbing agent they can use on the arm. If they have that, would that help him just go and give his blood already?

I would focus on step by step....blood and poop would be a great step in the right direction! Also, will he share his weight? How far below normal BMI is he?

Is he tired?


He does not have a doctor. Has not had a wellness check as long as I’ve know him (20+ years).


Ok first step get him on a scale. I assume you know his height. Look up how far below normal BMI is.


I appreciate the suggestion, but he gets angry with any discussion about his weight. Within the last year he told me he was his high school weight which for a man his age is underweight according to BMI calculators. I do r know what his weight is now.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2023 11:25     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You can only decide what your own actions will be and then stick to that.


I get that, but I’m stuck on how to proceed. I don’t like being manipulative but no amount of talking, expressing concern, making an appointment, etc is working. On top of that I have 2 out of state relatives (and one who recently died) to care for — and two teens one of which is struggling. I am at my limit.


I think there are probably a lot of limitations to telehealth therapy but this seems like a good application. Try one and see if they can help you work through your plan and how to wrestle with your conflicts here.


I had not considered telehealth. Since he does not have a PCP what is the best way to get this started? Do I call insurance or a random doc or something like Patient First?


Call insurance. They usually have an in network telehealth. The doctor will probably refer him out for blood work, though, and possibly scans.


Online when you login to your insurance portal there should be a sidebar or tab for telehealth options. It may even be worth paying out of pocket for a session if you are overwhelmed by using insurance. I think MDLIVE is easy to get an appt.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2023 22:58     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Cab you go step by step. Does he have a doctor at all who can order tests. To decide if you need to explore Crohns or Colitis one of the tests just involves pooping into a "hat" and then you collect a sample. That's easy enough. Have you asked how his poop is? Any blood? Any diarrhea or constipation?

The bloodwork is the perfect start as well. I think for kids there is a numbing agent they can use on the arm. If they have that, would that help him just go and give his blood already?

I would focus on step by step....blood and poop would be a great step in the right direction! Also, will he share his weight? How far below normal BMI is he?

Is he tired?


He does not have a doctor. Has not had a wellness check as long as I’ve know him (20+ years).


Ok first step get him on a scale. I assume you know his height. Look up how far below normal BMI is.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2023 22:32     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Anonymous wrote:Cab you go step by step. Does he have a doctor at all who can order tests. To decide if you need to explore Crohns or Colitis one of the tests just involves pooping into a "hat" and then you collect a sample. That's easy enough. Have you asked how his poop is? Any blood? Any diarrhea or constipation?

The bloodwork is the perfect start as well. I think for kids there is a numbing agent they can use on the arm. If they have that, would that help him just go and give his blood already?

I would focus on step by step....blood and poop would be a great step in the right direction! Also, will he share his weight? How far below normal BMI is he?

Is he tired?


He does not have a doctor. Has not had a wellness check as long as I’ve know him (20+ years).
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2023 19:03     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Could he have an eating disorder? His intolerance: is it avoidance? Is he really eating a lot? I know that eating disorders are unusual in middle age men but it’s possible.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 18:23     Subject: Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor
Cab you go step by step. Does he have a doctor at all who can order tests. To decide if you need to explore Crohns or Colitis one of the tests just involves pooping into a "hat" and then you collect a sample. That's easy enough. Have you asked how his poop is? Any blood? Any diarrhea or constipation?

The bloodwork is the perfect start as well. I think for kids there is a numbing agent they can use on the arm. If they have that, would that help him just go and give his blood already?

I would focus on step by step....blood and poop would be a great step in the right direction! Also, will he share his weight? How far below normal BMI is he?

Is he tired?