Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In front of you?

My boyfriends teenage sons are fairly polite and civil to me in front of him.

They are much less nice to me when he is around.

Which feels very….manipulative.

I haven’t decided yet if it’s a deal breaker

Oh big typo sorry

They are much LESS nice to me when he IS T around. Curt one word answer, unpleasant facial expressions. Nothing solid I can report to my boyfriend but just a very unfriendly vibe.

I did not meet my boyfriend until two years after the divorce so no I am not the AP

Why do you even need to be around them when your boyfriend isn’t there? They are allowed to not like you.

They don’t need to like me, but they do need to be civil and polite to me, as I am to them. I’m not alone with them for long stretches. I’m talking like, we are sitting at dinner and dad goes inside to get something and their attitude completely changes for the few minutes thwt he is gone,

Point blank question- were you a party in the break up of their parents’ marriage?

No. I did not meet their dad until three years after the divorce was final. I would never date a man whose divorce was not final. I don’t even date men who have been divorced less than a year.

Maybe they just don't like you. Would you automatically like someone who forced herself into your family life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In front of you?

My boyfriends teenage sons are fairly polite and civil to me in front of him.

They are much less nice to me when he is around.

Which feels very….manipulative.

I haven’t decided yet if it’s a deal breaker

Oh big typo sorry

They are much LESS nice to me when he IS T around. Curt one word answer, unpleasant facial expressions. Nothing solid I can report to my boyfriend but just a very unfriendly vibe.

I did not meet my boyfriend until two years after the divorce so no I am not the AP

Why do you even need to be around them when your boyfriend isn’t there? They are allowed to not like you.

They don’t need to like me, but they do need to be civil and polite to me, as I am to them. I’m not alone with them for long stretches. I’m talking like, we are sitting at dinner and dad goes inside to get something and their attitude completely changes for the few minutes thwt he is gone,

Point blank question- were you a party in the break up of their parents’ marriage?

No. I did not meet their dad until three years after the divorce was final. I would never date a man whose divorce was not final. I don’t even date men who have been divorced less than a year.

How does a 7 year old even know HOW to make fun of people and do it with impunity from a parent? That's your real issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In front of you?

My boyfriends teenage sons are fairly polite and civil to me in front of him.

They are much less nice to me when he is around.

Which feels very….manipulative.

I haven’t decided yet if it’s a deal breaker

Oh big typo sorry

They are much LESS nice to me when he IS T around. Curt one word answer, unpleasant facial expressions. Nothing solid I can report to my boyfriend but just a very unfriendly vibe.

I did not meet my boyfriend until two years after the divorce so no I am not the AP

Why do you even need to be around them when your boyfriend isn’t there? They are allowed to not like you.

They don’t need to like me, but they do need to be civil and polite to me, as I am to them. I’m not alone with them for long stretches. I’m talking like, we are sitting at dinner and dad goes inside to get something and their attitude completely changes for the few minutes thwt he is gone,

That's how it is though. They are civil to you when their dad is around because they love and respect him. They do not feel civility toward you. They may actively resent you, so it comes out when you are alone.

Anonymous wrote:I judge parents by the way their children treat new acquaintances and behave in public. Your son's behavior is a reflection of your parenting.

It's a reflection of their parent dating. No one likes their mom/dad's significant other. No matter the age of the child.

He is 7 years old for crying out loud!

At five, my kid knew what a boyfriend was, his older sister (a teenager) had one. Kid was fine with it and was fine when his sister and the boyfriend broke up too. You didn’t serve anybody well by telling your kid your boyfriend is a “friend”. I’m wondering if when you asked if he wanted a friend to come to the park, he was thinking a kid about his own age. And yes, playing on the playground was just weird, you all should have gone to a zoo or a museum or a nature center or sports, or anything that might start a conversation. Why didn’t you? Why did you want to bring the boyfriend around after 2 years and why the playground? Weird, op, just weird.


You are also caring more about your boyfriend then your kid, your kid doesn’t get a say in who you date, the boyfriend can leave at any time, is that the problem?
Say what you will about how you can do what you feel is best for your kid, you can, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be happy with the results.
If your kid is good with other adults, teachers and the like, then it’s possible there is something about your boyfriend that he doesn’t like, in which case, pay attention. My problem with people who judge parents on kids’ behavior is parents by definition force kids to go everywhere and in a very real sense force them to be around adults. Kids lack the ability and the language skills to say “You may like him/her, but I don’t, and I’d prefer to not be around them”.
Also, is it you saying your kid was badly behaved or is it the boyfriend? I am wondering where you got that.

It’s also possible your kid had you all figured out and couldn’t figure out why this “friend” who you have known for years all of a sudden wants to go to the playground. That actually sounds like the plot to a horror movie if you think about, the sort of thing we tell our kids to watch out for. Team kid all the way, op. To the poster who’s boyfriend has teens, they are a mystery. My teen snarled at me about dinner then was thrilled when I gave her a pack of socks. I had bought the socks for her sister who didn’t like them and my teen was like “these are the best socks, comfortable, nice.. you’re an idiot if you don’t like them”. If you don’t like how the teens treat you, say so, but you need to call them out when it happens not report back to the boyfriend “Hey, I don’t like how you spoke to me, I need you to know that”. You also can’t expect adult behavior from teens all the time, if you could, they would be legal adults and there is a reason we still have to take them to medical appointments and sign them out of school even when they probably can do a lot of these things themselves if the laws allowed it.

Anonymous wrote:OP, he doesn't like it because he isn't stupid. He knows what's going on. You're dating this man, and you're going to make your son spend time with him over and over, and your son is going to get less of your time and attention because of it. Eventually, you'll want to move in with this guy and make your son live with him, and there's going to be lots of changes and compromises, different rules and family culture, and your son might have to move or even change schools, and have stepsiblings or a new half-sibling, and be forced to spend time with a new extended family that he doesn't actually care about. And it could make things socially awkward with your son's father. What in this is a good change, from your son's perspective?

You need to take off the rose-colored glasses, realize that step-parents are not necessarily a good thing from a child's perspective, and have realistic expectations. And stop treating your son like he doesn't know what's going on. He is VERY correct to be wary of this situation.

This is right, especially in the eyes of a seven year old. He doesn't understand an adult need for companionship/romance/sex. He doesn't understand a desire to have someone potentially to grow old with. He might miss his father. He might wish his parents were still together. He might be realizing that this guy is going to take your attention, might think he's trying to replace the father, might realize that this means that the divorce is for good. The fact that you haven't tried to get to the bottom of this suggests you aren't handling this properly and might be too self-involved.

Anonymous wrote:In front of you?

My boyfriends teenage sons are fairly polite and civil to me in front of him.

They are much less nice to me when he is around.

Which feels very….manipulative.

I haven’t decided yet if it’s a deal breaker

Maybe they wish they were spending time with their father instead of being stuck with you.

You really cannot pressure or punish or lecture anyone into liking anyone else.

People really minimize how much divorce and new partners/sos impact kids and how much they don't like having limited custodial time involve another adult. It's understandable.

Kids don't exist to validate their parents, never mind random adults they don't know and did not pick.

To PP with teens, do you live with their dad? How often are you there during his custodial time? How much of that time is theirs alone with their dad?

They don't want you there during their limited time with father. It's not personal and you can't change it. Complaining to BF will not make it better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In front of you?

My boyfriends teenage sons are fairly polite and civil to me in front of him.

They are much less nice to me when he is around.

Which feels very….manipulative.

I haven’t decided yet if it’s a deal breaker

They won’t ever accept you if that is what you want. You need to decide if that’s something you can deal with.

It's not manipulative, they don't want you there and hide it more in front of father. They will be out of house soon. You will likely never have a good relationship with them until they are well into adulthood, if then, if you want that, cannot force. They wish their parents were together, you are a reminder of mom not being there. Why are you hanging out with them w/o boyfriend there? Do you live with the dad? Put yourself in their shoes. If mostly civil, good enough. "Telling on" them would not make them spontaneously like you, quite the opposite. OP do you have kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In front of you?

My boyfriends teenage sons are fairly polite and civil to me in front of him.

They are much less nice to me when he is around.

Which feels very….manipulative.

I haven’t decided yet if it’s a deal breaker

Oh big typo sorry

They are much LESS nice to me when he IS T around. Curt one word answer, unpleasant facial expressions. Nothing solid I can report to my boyfriend but just a very unfriendly vibe.

I did not meet my boyfriend until two years after the divorce so no I am not the AP

Why do you even need to be around them when your boyfriend isn’t there? They are allowed to not like you.

They don’t need to like me, but they do need to be civil and polite to me, as I am to them. I’m not alone with them for long stretches. I’m talking like, we are sitting at dinner and dad goes inside to get something and their attitude completely changes for the few minutes thwt he is gone,

Point blank question- were you a party in the break up of their parents’ marriage?

I love how your own embarrassment is more important than your son's feelings and well-being! Way to go, OP!

OP, he doesn't like it because he isn't stupid. He knows what's going on. You're dating this man, and you're going to make your son spend time with him over and over, and your son is going to get less of your time and attention because of it. Eventually, you'll want to move in with this guy and make your son live with him, and there's going to be lots of changes and compromises, different rules and family culture, and your son might have to move or even change schools, and have stepsiblings or a new half-sibling, and be forced to spend time with a new extended family that he doesn't actually care about. And it could make things socially awkward with your son's father. What in this is a good change, from your son's perspective?

You need to take off the rose-colored glasses, realize that step-parents are not necessarily a good thing from a child's perspective, and have realistic expectations. And stop treating your son like he doesn't know what's going on. He is VERY correct to be wary of this situation.