Anonymous wrote:AND there shouldn't be any pride related to affording or receiving it. It doesn't add any extra worth to your relationship. You can have Kohinoor diamond and still be unhappy, cheat, divorce, die.

Why? I’m proud when I plan and pay for a fabulous vacation and tell my husband all the details. He’s proud and appreciative of the thoughtfulness and how all of his preferences are met. He feels the same about my ring.

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It doesn't need to be several months salary. I really don't know why people buy into that. Very smart marketing I guess.

But I do think rings are a sweet tradition, and they are a gift. And when you give a gift, you shouldn't be cheap about it. Everyone has a different idea of what is a cheap engagement ring, but I've seen a lot of men who make above-medial salaries say 50 dollars is perfectly fine. They get up in arms about capitalism, for the first time ever, when their fiancees complain. Give me a break. (Mine cost 1K, I picked it out, I think it's lovely)

It’s great for the woman not the man and it is not a gift.

NP. "Not a gift"? So it's quid pro quo, you expect something in return? I get it. You're a man, you're pi**ed that you shelled out for a ring and didn't get exactly what you want (probably ideal sex, on demand, every time) from your wife. Well, the "it's not a gift" attitude and the view of marriage as a transaction is why you aren't getting what you wanted....

I’m a woman and he is right. And engagement ring is a symbol of a commitment to marry someone. If you renege on the engagement the ring goes back to the man.
I have a nice 4 carat diamond ring and love sex and will happily give (or get) it on demand.
Maybe that why you are bitter about not get the ring you thought you deserved.

No, he's not saying the ring is a symbol of commitment. Thst would almost be touching. But He's saying it's the price he thinks women charge for marriage. Big difference. Pay better attention.

And it's cute how you went for the classic DCUM weak and lazy insult. Bitter? Me? Nope. Because I don't think I "deserved" any particular ring or any ring at all. I didn't marry to get paid in jewelry. Enjoy your four carats, your sex and your arrogance!

That was such a weird post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't need to be several months salary. I really don't know why people buy into that. Very smart marketing I guess.

But I do think rings are a sweet tradition, and they are a gift. And when you give a gift, you shouldn't be cheap about it. Everyone has a different idea of what is a cheap engagement ring, but I've seen a lot of men who make above-medial salaries say 50 dollars is perfectly fine. They get up in arms about capitalism, for the first time ever, when their fiancees complain. Give me a break. (Mine cost 1K, I picked it out, I think it's lovely)

It’s great for the woman not the man and it is not a gift.

NP. "Not a gift"? So it's quid pro quo, you expect something in return? I get it. You're a man, you're pi**ed that you shelled out for a ring and didn't get exactly what you want (probably ideal sex, on demand, every time) from your wife. Well, the "it's not a gift" attitude and the view of marriage as a transaction is why you aren't getting what you wanted....

I’m a woman and he is right. And engagement ring is a symbol of a commitment to marry someone. If you renege on the engagement the ring goes back to the man.
I have a nice 4 carat diamond ring and love sex and will happily give (or get) it on demand.
Maybe that why you are bitter about not get the ring you thought you deserved.

No, he's not saying the ring is a symbol of commitment. Thst would almost be touching. But He's saying it's the price he thinks women charge for marriage. Big difference. Pay better attention.

And it's cute how you went for the classic DCUM weak and lazy insult. Bitter? Me? Nope. Because I don't think I "deserved" any particular ring or any ring at all. I didn't marry to get paid in jewelry. Enjoy your four carats, your sex and your arrogance!

Anonymous wrote:I can understand if both of you want it and money is no issue but it shouldn't be a supposed must've, making men feel ashamed for not being able to offer one and women to not being able to receive one and others to comment on size or fortune.

ITA - the 20:07 PP here. However, size doesn't mean quality or beauty. I saw some absolutely gorgeous diamond rings with great clarity for under $500.

Anonymous wrote:I can understand if both of you want it and money is no issue but it shouldn't be a supposed must've, making men feel ashamed for not being able to offer one and women to not being able to receive one and others to comment on size or fortune.

PP who wanted to buy it…

How is that any different than any other discretionary item? All sorts of status symbols. No one is “making” men feel ashamed. Men who don’t feel ashamed and men who do all live in the same universe. It’s up to the individual not to buy into those pressures. I didn’t buy one to avoid shame. My wife didn’t want one to avoid shame. We briefly discussed a sapphire, my wife said she’d prefer a diamond. And that was that. It’s not a big diamond.. like 1.5ct or something. There’s always one bigger - and I don’t feel any shame. I don’t think my wife does either.

If men or women are going to feel shame over a diamond they’re going to have a miserable life whether they buy that or not. The next thing to feel shame over will be the size of their house, the brand of their car, clothing brands, airline fare class. Individuals have to make the choice to engage in that sort of comparison or not. But you can refuse to get involved in that and still buy a diamond engagement ring. Just like you can refuse to get involved in it and still buy a Mercedes because you just really like it.

I don't feel guilty about my diamond. It was a complete surprise and I don't know how much it cost. I smile whenever I wear it, I got it 20 years ago.

It's not the gifting of the ring that's the issue, it's the whole industry built around it. But I think everything about weddings nowadays is just getting more and more out of control.

AND there shouldn't be any pride related to affording or receiving it. It doesn't add any extra worth to your relationship. You can have Kohinoor diamond and still be unhappy, cheat, divorce, die.

I can understand if both of you want it and money is no issue but it shouldn't be a supposed must've, making men feel ashamed for not being able to offer one and women to not being able to receive one and others to comment on size or fortune.

I happen to enjoy buying my wife things that she likes and I’m not always looking to save a buck. It’s tradition and she wanted it. Why not? If she’d asked for a tin foil ring with rhinestones on it, I’d have given that to her.

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone still wearing diamond engagement rings around here? I haven't worn mine in 10 years. I don't really see anyone else wearing them either. No one is trying to get robbed or show off anymore. Simple bands are what people are wearing these days.

I do, I love mine so much and I also wear the ones inherited from my family, from the late 1800s to early 1940s. They all superb, all old cut by hand. I also wear simple diamond eternity bands with carre cuts and gypsy rings. I love antique jewelry.

I love my sapphire vintage engagement ring. Got it 18 years ago and still love it, but don’t wear it everyday.

I hate diamonds as they always look fake and i always hate the large diamond look.

Make your own trend for you.

Who needs a ring? Been together 37 years, joint accounts, multiple properties, one child, no issues. 🤷‍♂️

Mine is a 5.5 Canary diamond emerald cut solitare. So no, I do not think diamonds are over at all.

What if you give a nice ring to your to be wife and still are able to buy a nice house and take trips? I like seeing the ring on my spouses hand and I like wearing my band as well. I was happy to sacrifice small things to save up for something like that. It looks really cool to me!

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Anonymous wrote:I got a lab grown diamond and am glad no poor schlub had to risk life and limb to get it. I think it looks pretty.

If you don’t want one, don’t get one - fixed!

Unfortunately I'm just one man against a huge cartel of otherwise fine women who all demand it.

Up your game, then, mister. If every woman you date "demands" a ring as the price for marriage, you are dating the wrong sort of people. Stop complaining about these "otherwise fine women" and go find better ones. Unless...this is a "you" problem, and you prefer to blame those demanding women, perhaps.

+1 Plenty of women don’t want the ring and would prefer to use money together on house or trip or all kinds of other things.