Anonymous
08/17/2023 10:53
Subject: Is she a frenemy or aita?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would be done. You should not have to walk on eggshells or avoid absurd/unreasonable landmines. Friend A is equally insufferable. Life is too short.
Op here. Thanks. I feel pretty much done, although I don't want to add to the situation by ghosting or otherwise extricating myself blatantly. All the responses on here have helped me look at this in a different way. A pp called me out on my strong language (ambush, I think), which reveals that I have issues, too. I think friend B felt judged by me, even though she didn't tell me that, and I understand how that would hurt. The fact that I'm ready to ditch 2 new friends over this situation says a lot about me. I may give this more time to see how it goes in the future, but only with a larger group.
You sound mature, OP, and you are doing self-reflection that shows you're the bigger person here. It's generous of you be understanding about how B might have felt hurt. Whatever you decide, whether it's ending both friendships or only one, or moving on as friends after talking this out or whatever -- you are going to be OK, because you're able to step back and be a bit objective in ways it seems B can't. Many of us can't. Don't overthink this situation or let it take up too much of your mental real estate, though. A larger group might be a good idea IF you want to keep A and B as friends (or more, friendly acquaintances).
Anonymous
08/17/2023 10:45
Subject: Re:Is she a frenemy or aita?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Well someone who still complains about an ex after six years might have a thing for being a victim. Maybe the ex-talk is getting old and she was excited to get to be "victimized" by something fresher.
In any case, she sounds like bad news.
Yes, the way she acted so hurt, it made me think I must have victimized her somehow. Or, at least, she felt I had hurt her deeply. On reflection, the words "high drama" kept popping in my brain. It's funny because she has no problem criticizing me or questioning my judgement. It doesn't hurt me, though, because I am secure with my choices.
In my humble experience, those ultra-sensitive drama types who are always playing the victim also have zero problem "criticizing me or questioning my judgement". Seems to go hand in hand with the personality type. Meanwhile, my friends who are stable and low drama just would neither get insulted if I happen to say something inadvertently and also do not criticize or question me.
Anonymous
08/17/2023 07:50
Subject: Is she a frenemy or aita?
Anonymous wrote:I would be done. You should not have to walk on eggshells or avoid absurd/unreasonable landmines. Friend A is equally insufferable. Life is too short.
Op here. Thanks. I feel pretty much done, although I don't want to add to the situation by ghosting or otherwise extricating myself blatantly. All the responses on here have helped me look at this in a different way. A pp called me out on my strong language (ambush, I think), which reveals that I have issues, too. I think friend B felt judged by me, even though she didn't tell me that, and I understand how that would hurt. The fact that I'm ready to ditch 2 new friends over this situation says a lot about me. I may give this more time to see how it goes in the future, but only with a larger group.
Anonymous
08/17/2023 07:07
Subject: Is she a frenemy or aita?
I would be done. You should not have to walk on eggshells or avoid absurd/unreasonable landmines. Friend A is equally insufferable. Life is too short.
Anonymous
08/17/2023 01:28
Subject: Is she a frenemy or aita?
Anonymous wrote:She’s not your friend and she’s a PITA.
I must agree w/this.
Anonymous
08/16/2023 16:28
Subject: Re:Is she a frenemy or aita?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So if you're low drama, why are you making a thing out of this?
Have you seen them since? have they moved on and returned to how they've always been? If so, why are you stirring this up?
Can't you just give them the benefit of the doubt that B maybe needed time to process her feelings and talk it over with a friend - maybe asking A if she's being overly sensitive or whatever. Person A tells B that you all have been out a few times and if she's still upset by it, to talk to you directly. Maybe B agrees and the next time you're all out, B doesn't say anything but A knows B was planning to so tells her to just be honest and upfront.
That's not dramatic. Tht's just life. You're so ready to drop two friends because of this one confrontation. Deny it all you want, but you're overly sensitive and making a big deal out of nothing.
It wasn't just the one conversation though. B rants and moans about her ex-husband all the time. OP snapped, tired of hearing about it, and made her comment. It was one comment. Why did B over-react, cry, confront, etc? Maybe she should hear what OP was saying and realize that after 6 years she's better off with OUT the loser.
edit: with OUT the loser.