DH is high income but was raised by immigrant parents. We all have tripped and fallen in the house a few times because he constantly turns off lights and gets animated if we don’t make some effort to consolidate in rooms to conserve the light bulbs. Washes dishes by hand rather than use the dishwasher, and AC runs high. Boils water rather than pay for a filter. I’ve tried to say some of these things are counterproductive, but this is how his parents did it, so it must be right. On the other hand, he’s a good dad and husband, so I let this all slide because it really is due to his upbringing and reverence to his parents’ hardships, and not some character flaw. Maybe some of that is what’s going on with OP’s bf.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So does this boyfriend not have any vices he spends on? Pot, cigarettes, alcohol, video games, sporting goods, etc. The thing with some of these types is they are so cheap in the areas they want to be (often things that relate to their girlfriend / comfort of the whole family) but they have their non negotiable personal categories that they can never be questioned on. Those are the guys that get married and will expect wife's spending money to go to the household and kids while spending their personal money on themselves.

Ugh you described my stbx. Unlimited money to spend on his “dream vacations” but a discussion about putting money into needed home repairs? “Absolutely not, I don’t want to waste money on that.”

+1 ex spent more money on alcohol than on kid’s 529.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking you girlfriend out to Chipotle and calling it dinner is gross. Run.

Mine suggests Chipotle and then Venmos me for my burrito/drink. He’s a very wealthy tech person, divorced, heaps of money, one kid who’s graduated from college. He’s maniacal about billing me for “my share”, which is always half to the penny. I’d absolutely love it 😊 someone took me on a date to Chipotle. So this could be worse is what I mean to say…. I’m

Why are you with him? Horrible.

Anonymous wrote:So does this boyfriend not have any vices he spends on? Pot, cigarettes, alcohol, video games, sporting goods, etc. The thing with some of these types is they are so cheap in the areas they want to be (often things that relate to their girlfriend / comfort of the whole family) but they have their non negotiable personal categories that they can never be questioned on. Those are the guys that get married and will expect wife's spending money to go to the household and kids while spending their personal money on themselves.

Ugh you described my stbx. Unlimited money to spend on his “dream vacations” but a discussion about putting money into needed home repairs? “Absolutely not, I don’t want to waste money on that.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to do more expensive things, you should pay.

Here you go. This is the answer.

How does that work when she wants to do something normal (that he can afford) like travel? How does that work if they move in together but he refuses to put any money into maintaining the house? Date nights are the easy part. The much harder part is what happens if they go further than that. To a certain extent they can keep finances separate, but that doesn’t work for everything.

So does this boyfriend not have any vices he spends on? Pot, cigarettes, alcohol, video games, sporting goods, etc. The thing with some of these types is they are so cheap in the areas they want to be (often things that relate to their girlfriend / comfort of the whole family) but they have their non negotiable personal categories that they can never be questioned on. Those are the guys that get married and will expect wife's spending money to go to the household and kids while spending their personal money on themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s amazing how many women on this site are only interested in men who make/have considerably more money than they do. The guy could be otherwise perfect in every way and they wouldn’t give him the time of day. That shows how transactional they are and how they see men in terms of usefulness to them — not as a match of co-equals. What would these women think of men who only dated women who make/have tons of moolah?

As a man who worked in a corporation where at least 2/3 of my bosses were women (and there are tons of companies brimming with highly paid executive women), I find this outlook increasingly retrograde in this day and age. These user women must be pretty easy to avoid though.

Men are exactly the same way about a woman’s age and looks.

I know! Spare me the "women are materialistic BS."

Also, there is a considerable difference in what OP is describing and in wanting a man to make a lot of money. I hate cheap people. I have GFs who are this cheap and they annoy me just as much.

Frugal is fine. Miserly is not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not cheap. You need to get more information. What does his house/apartment look like? Would he refuse to do something that costs money like the movies or a dinner out? Are his clothes ok?

OP here. He is cheap, but not out of necessity. He earns pretty good money. He has multiple houses. His main house is large, but he refuses to furnish it because he’s cheap. He grabs free furniture off the curb. If it’s not free he doesn’t own it.He refuses to do things that cost more than $15, and when do things that are less than that he still complains about the cost. His clothes are presentable.

What does his house look like just open rooms no furniture?

This sounds pretty cheap to me. Unless he is living pay check to pay check funding all these houses.

Anonymous wrote:I hate cheap. I do not/will not date cheap men. My parents were cheap to the point of it being a mental illness.

I have broken up with men over cheapness. They were professionals and made a very good living. They made 2-3 times what I make.

Maybe if you did not grow up with it you do not understand it.

+1

I grew up with it too -- money hoarding. And that is what it sounds like with this guy. It's not ok.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking you girlfriend out to Chipotle and calling it dinner is gross. Run.

Mine suggests Chipotle and then Venmos me for my burrito/drink. He’s a very wealthy tech person, divorced, heaps of money, one kid who’s graduated from college. He’s maniacal about billing me for “my share”, which is always half to the penny. I’d absolutely love it 😊 someone took me on a date to Chipotle. So this could be worse is what I mean to say….

Why should it be 50/50 if he makes more? didn't you ask why not pro-rata your respective incomes?

That would be socialism.

If the guy is charming and sexy and PP likes the action as much as he does, it's a square trade.

Anonymous wrote:If you want to do more expensive things, you should pay.

Here you go. This is the answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking you girlfriend out to Chipotle and calling it dinner is gross. Run.

Mine suggests Chipotle and then Venmos me for my burrito/drink. He’s a very wealthy tech person, divorced, heaps of money, one kid who’s graduated from college. He’s maniacal about billing me for “my share”, which is always half to the penny. I’d absolutely love it 😊 someone took me on a date to Chipotle. So this could be worse is what I mean to say….

Why should it be 50/50 if he makes more? didn't you ask why not pro-rata your respective incomes?

Anonymous wrote:Taking you girlfriend out to Chipotle and calling it dinner is gross. Run.

Mine suggests Chipotle and then Venmos me for my burrito/drink. He’s a very wealthy tech person, divorced, heaps of money, one kid who’s graduated from college. He’s maniacal about billing me for “my share”, which is always half to the penny. I’d absolutely love it 😊 someone took me on a date to Chipotle. So this could be worse is what I mean to say….

Anonymous wrote:It’s amazing how many women on this site are only interested in men who make/have considerably more money than they do. The guy could be otherwise perfect in every way and they wouldn’t give him the time of day. That shows how transactional they are and how they see men in terms of usefulness to them — not as a match of co-equals. What would these women think of men who only dated women who make/have tons of moolah?

As a man who worked in a corporation where at least 2/3 of my bosses were women (and there are tons of companies brimming with highly paid executive women), I find this outlook increasingly retrograde in this day and age. These user women must be pretty easy to avoid though.

Men are exactly the same way about a woman’s age and looks.