Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually said “oh wow” or “great.” I don’t take it personally, so for the most part I didn’t really care.

My fave moment was when a friend said that her kid got a 98 on an exam. Her kid is very smart, and she was happy about it. My kid, however, got a 99 so I was over the moon. I didn’t say anything back but “wow,” and I still think about how delicious it is that nobody knows but us, which is most important.

I just didn’t engage. When it comes to my friends’ kids, I’m genuinely happy about their wins. But, we talk about losses and the hard stuff too.

Lol I tell them my parents used to beat the crap out of me if I got a 98 (how dumb are you to not get a 100). Then I say hey I guess it worked out because it was less annoying to get a 100 than to deal with them - probably why I went to HYP.

Sit back and watch the show on their faces then as they process what you mean. Only white people would be proud of a 98 and think it meant something, lol.

Racist twit. Not lol.

Aw, hit a nerve did I? Now you’ll know better than to brag about your kids mediocrity.

Also look up the definition of racist and why I can’t be racist towards white people. A jackass, sure, of which I am proud.

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind it when parents say something like, "we started swim at 3...." People can't help but brag. But I hate it when they word it like, "Oh Carla isn't reading chapter books yet?..." Bringing my kid's name into it as a negative way. I think a lot of parents don't even realize they are saying it. But it's incredibly rude and in those cases I always say, "every kid is different and has different strengths."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. My oldest is now in high school. When he was younger and I was a more insecure parent, it made me feel bad when other kids were reading or swimming or riding a bike when he could do none of those things. It felt like everyone was more advanced than he was and it made me feel bad.

Now he is a straight A student and competitive athlete. There are kids we know who are Olympic hopefuls or will one day be recruited athletes. This does not bother me one bit. Some kids are true academic superstars winning academic competitions and that is fine too. I don’t feel bad at all. I’m glad my child was able to participate and learn.

This has nothing to do with competitive parents, though. I get what you are saying -- there have been things my kid learned later than other kids and it's always a little hard because you wonder if you are doing something wrong or if they will catch up. And then they do.

But the issue of competitive parents is separate. There are many ways in which my kids are doing great, but I still don't like talking to competitive parents on those subjects. Like my kid actually read on the early side and is a very strong reader now. I actually hate discussing this with people who are ultra-competitive because the fact that my kid took to that one thing pretty easily will feel like a challenge to them, and they'll be even more intense than if their kid was further along than mine.

I just dislike that intensity you can sometimes feel coming off a very competitive person where you can feel they are looking for a way to "win" the conversation or assert their dominance. It's probably my least favorite personality trait, whether we're talking about another parent or not. I much prefer to interact with people who feel very secure in themselves, or if they are insecure, deal with it in an internal way instead of trying to use me as some kind of measuring stick to make themselves feel better (or lash out if they feel worse).

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. My oldest is now in high school. When he was younger and I was a more insecure parent, it made me feel bad when other kids were reading or swimming or riding a bike when he could do none of those things. It felt like everyone was more advanced than he was and it made me feel bad.

Now he is a straight A student and competitive athlete. There are kids we know who are Olympic hopefuls or will one day be recruited athletes. This does not bother me one bit. Some kids are true academic superstars winning academic competitions and that is fine too. I don’t feel bad at all. I’m glad my child was able to participate and learn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind it when parents say something like, "we started swim at 3...." People can't help but brag. But I hate it when they word it like, "Oh Carla isn't reading chapter books yet?..." Bringing my kid's name into it as a negative way. I think a lot of parents don't even realize they are saying it. But it's incredibly rude and in those cases I always say, "every kid is different and has different strengths."

I agree with this. I truly don’t mind when others talk about their children’s accomplishments. Especially if they are my friend, I genuinely like hearing about things they are succeeding in and how well they are doing. As long as they aren’t comparing them to mine or talking negatively about mine- which I haven’t found to be the case, but can see how that might happen with acquaintances. My friends and I all share the accomplishments our children have. But we also share the challenges and struggles too.

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind it when parents say something like, "we started swim at 3...." People can't help but brag. But I hate it when they word it like, "Oh Carla isn't reading chapter books yet?..." Bringing my kid's name into it as a negative way. I think a lot of parents don't even realize they are saying it. But it's incredibly rude and in those cases I always say, "every kid is different and has different strengths."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My experience as a parent living in Bethesda since my kids were little - they're now teens, and one is in college:

A lot of parents I came across had one activity or academic thing their kids were good at, and were able to provide useful feedback for me as to which were the best instructors, what businesses to avoid, how to get a child to advance rapidly, etc. I appreciated that, and tried to pay it forward to parents of younger kids.

Since I'm not insecure about my parenting or my kids... I don't process these conversations as attacks, or mean competition, or anything negative at all. One of my children has special needs and needed a LOT of therapies and tutoring, and my other child is gifted. I've experienced the gamut, so I don't feel jealousy or shame or guilt or anything negative when someone else's child does better, or their parents boasts about them. I hope that others give me the benefit of the doubt when I share some of my kids' accomplishments.

After 18 years of doing this, I can reiterate that none of these parents seek to hurt you. They want to share their children's accomplishments and useful tips that have worked for them. I am always glad when someone is happy enough to share their kid's achievement with me - regardless of whether my kid has done better or worse. If you go through your parenting years thinking everyone is out to judge you and your kids, then you're going to make yourself miserable. Take things at face value, always assume good intentions.

I don’t think the issue is that competitive parents are trying to hurt you. I never think “oh no, dies this mean I’m not a good parent? Is my kid not succeeding?” I just think it’s boring and bad conversation.

A weird thing some competitive parents do is try to give you advice even when you say you’re happy with something. This is very irritating and just makes me want to get away. I don’t want your advice on which travel soccer teams have the best coaches, because as I have said three times now, my kid’s interest in soccer is social only and we’re totally happy with rec league.

Competitive people are tedious and when they are competitive about their kids it’s often even worse because so many parenting topics are deadly dull.

Just read a book, talk about a tv show you liked, tell me about your non-parenting hobby, recount a funny story from your last family vacation. I do not want ti spend a child’s bday party discussing reading levels omg. Lighten tf up.

PP you replied to.

I have to disagree with you, and many other people on this thread. I think it's just a matter of interest and time spent together. There are some parents who find it enjoyable to talk about parenting. They seek out like-minded parents and this is perhaps the group labeled as Tiger Parent or helicopter parent by others. Then there are others who, despite their loving their children equally well, prefer talking about something else, like current events or the latest book or movie.

But in the end, at dinner parties and get-togethers, most people talk about everything. There is enough time to broach all these subjects. So if you run into someone who talks about their kids, well, if you had more time together, you might find out they also love to talk about the latest Trump indictments or the Ukraine war or the finer points in Oppenheimer. Personally, I am that parent.

So I don't think it's fair to label others and judge them for eternity based on snippets of conversation.

You sound like you are the competitive parent going on and on about your kids’ success and you are even competitive about whether or not this can be viewed as competitive.

You are likely insecure and it makes you behave this way, and you know it’s obnoxious but can’t seem to stop, and you are just hoping people will hang in there with you long enough for you to stop feeling so insecure that you constantly word vomit about how perfect your kids are all the time. Well, this thread is letting you know that a lot if people won’t, so it’s time to address your behavior.

I’m a SAHM so I probably talk about my kids and kid related topics. I can also talk about current events and politics.

Wow so cool

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My experience as a parent living in Bethesda since my kids were little - they're now teens, and one is in college:

A lot of parents I came across had one activity or academic thing their kids were good at, and were able to provide useful feedback for me as to which were the best instructors, what businesses to avoid, how to get a child to advance rapidly, etc. I appreciated that, and tried to pay it forward to parents of younger kids.

Since I'm not insecure about my parenting or my kids... I don't process these conversations as attacks, or mean competition, or anything negative at all. One of my children has special needs and needed a LOT of therapies and tutoring, and my other child is gifted. I've experienced the gamut, so I don't feel jealousy or shame or guilt or anything negative when someone else's child does better, or their parents boasts about them. I hope that others give me the benefit of the doubt when I share some of my kids' accomplishments.

After 18 years of doing this, I can reiterate that none of these parents seek to hurt you. They want to share their children's accomplishments and useful tips that have worked for them. I am always glad when someone is happy enough to share their kid's achievement with me - regardless of whether my kid has done better or worse. If you go through your parenting years thinking everyone is out to judge you and your kids, then you're going to make yourself miserable. Take things at face value, always assume good intentions.

I don’t think the issue is that competitive parents are trying to hurt you. I never think “oh no, dies this mean I’m not a good parent? Is my kid not succeeding?” I just think it’s boring and bad conversation.

A weird thing some competitive parents do is try to give you advice even when you say you’re happy with something. This is very irritating and just makes me want to get away. I don’t want your advice on which travel soccer teams have the best coaches, because as I have said three times now, my kid’s interest in soccer is social only and we’re totally happy with rec league.

Competitive people are tedious and when they are competitive about their kids it’s often even worse because so many parenting topics are deadly dull.

Just read a book, talk about a tv show you liked, tell me about your non-parenting hobby, recount a funny story from your last family vacation. I do not want ti spend a child’s bday party discussing reading levels omg. Lighten tf up.

PP you replied to.

I have to disagree with you, and many other people on this thread. I think it's just a matter of interest and time spent together. There are some parents who find it enjoyable to talk about parenting. They seek out like-minded parents and this is perhaps the group labeled as Tiger Parent or helicopter parent by others. Then there are others who, despite their loving their children equally well, prefer talking about something else, like current events or the latest book or movie.

But in the end, at dinner parties and get-togethers, most people talk about everything. There is enough time to broach all these subjects. So if you run into someone who talks about their kids, well, if you had more time together, you might find out they also love to talk about the latest Trump indictments or the Ukraine war or the finer points in Oppenheimer. Personally, I am that parent.

So I don't think it's fair to label others and judge them for eternity based on snippets of conversation.

You sound like you are the competitive parent going on and on about your kids’ success and you are even competitive about whether or not this can be viewed as competitive.

You are likely insecure and it makes you behave this way, and you know it’s obnoxious but can’t seem to stop, and you are just hoping people will hang in there with you long enough for you to stop feeling so insecure that you constantly word vomit about how perfect your kids are all the time. Well, this thread is letting you know that a lot if people won’t, so it’s time to address your behavior.