Anonymous
08/04/2023 19:14
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.
Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.
We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.
I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.
If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?
Comparing a “top doctor“ to a better spring choreographer for the middle school musical is absolutely laughable. Your analogy is ridiculous.
Anonymous
08/04/2023 19:13
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.
Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.
We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.
Move along…
NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.
I'm amused at calling private schools philosophically revolting while refusing to send your kids to the locally zoned schools and fishing around for a lottery and lucking out.
Err....at least I'm not a hypocrite.
Except you missed the part about me being the grandparent. I didn’t do any fishing, and I didn’t write any checks either. No hypocrite here.
As for my kid, it doesn’t make one a hypocrite to look for alternatives to bleak public schools that don’t include rich kid schools. There’s a middle ground after all.
Most areas don't have alternatives. You go to the one assigned or you pay for private.
What is your point? Why are you posting here?
Anonymous
08/04/2023 19:13
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.
Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.
We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.
Move along…
NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.
Grandparents paying school tuition is a way to transfer future inheritance earlier. Plenty of people who can afford private still have grandparents paying. Nothing to be embarrassed of.
I grew up poor...went to scrappy commuter college and law school. Same for my DH. We are rich now. Rest assured I wanted a better life for my kids and grandkids.I will gladly pay their private school tuitions. I bet the holier than thou posters deriding private never went to an urban public in the hood like I did.
THIS. If I’m able I’ll gladly pay my grandkids tuition one day!
I’m the grandparent who could pay but won’t. I didn’t grow up rich or going to fancy schools either. Trust me. I just think 9/10 of this is parenting. You don’t have to spend all that money to get a good education, and there’s nothing wrong with meeting a disadvantaged classmate every once in a while - and, God forbid, maybe even making friends with some!
My parents are like you. They have plenty of money but wouldn't help because they have self-righteous beliefs on what is best. We had our kid in private for a few years because of their needs for the individual attention. My parents were appalled that we would even consider private. It wasn't an expensive private but just a very basic one that did wonders for our child who would have struggled in public. We will consider it if HS doesn't go great in public. You cannot take the money with you. Your kids and grandkids know how stingy you are. I'm so thankful my grandparents were so loving and generous, but my parents are not. My grandparents had very little but helped with what they could to make sure we went to college and other things.
What was you kid’s “need for individualized attention?” Are you saying that your kid was a special needs kid who the public schools couldn’t accommodate? Because that’s an entirely different issue. Of course we’d pay for a private school in that instance if the parents couldn’t afford it. It wouldn’t have been a rich kid private school though - it would have been a school that fit the needs of a special needs kid.
Also, on the “we have plenty of money” front, please explain to me why grandparents should pay for private schools when their kids make several hundred thousand dollars a year but elect to live in a low performing school district. This was their choice, and they never expected us to subsidize them for it. There’s no bad blood between any of us at all. Our grandkids are quite mainstream and don’t need any special attention. And they’re doing fine.
Anonymous
08/04/2023 19:08
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.
Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.
We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.
I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.
If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?
Anonymous
08/04/2023 19:04
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:We have a similar HHI and similar jobs, but only one kid. We’ve sent him to private all the way through from pre-k to now in high school. We don’t get FA. What makes it doable is our mortgage - house is worth $350k or so. It’s a little house in PG county. Safe and quiet neighborhood but very working class. House itself is functional and not falling apart at all, but not remodeled anytime in the past 30 years. The education is worth it for us for a bunch of reasons that may not be your reasons - choices like that are very individual.
What safe and quiet area in PG?
Anonymous
08/04/2023 18:25
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:We have a similar HHI and similar jobs, but only one kid. We’ve sent him to private all the way through from pre-k to now in high school. We don’t get FA. What makes it doable is our mortgage - house is worth $350k or so. It’s a little house in PG county. Safe and quiet neighborhood but very working class. House itself is functional and not falling apart at all, but not remodeled anytime in the past 30 years. The education is worth it for us for a bunch of reasons that may not be your reasons - choices like that are very individual.
This is how you do it. Its about lifestyle choices.
Anonymous
08/04/2023 18:25
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.
Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.
We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.
Move along…
NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.
Grandparents paying school tuition is a way to transfer future inheritance earlier. Plenty of people who can afford private still have grandparents paying. Nothing to be embarrassed of.
I grew up poor...went to scrappy commuter college and law school. Same for my DH. We are rich now. Rest assured I wanted a better life for my kids and grandkids.I will gladly pay their private school tuitions. I bet the holier than thou posters deriding private never went to an urban public in the hood like I did.
THIS. If I’m able I’ll gladly pay my grandkids tuition one day!
I’m the grandparent who could pay but won’t. I didn’t grow up rich or going to fancy schools either. Trust me. I just think 9/10 of this is parenting. You don’t have to spend all that money to get a good education, and there’s nothing wrong with meeting a disadvantaged classmate every once in a while - and, God forbid, maybe even making friends with some!
My parents are like you. They have plenty of money but wouldn't help because they have self-righteous beliefs on what is best. We had our kid in private for a few years because of their needs for the individual attention. My parents were appalled that we would even consider private. It wasn't an expensive private but just a very basic one that did wonders for our child who would have struggled in public. We will consider it if HS doesn't go great in public. You cannot take the money with you. Your kids and grandkids know how stingy you are. I'm so thankful my grandparents were so loving and generous, but my parents are not. My grandparents had very little but helped with what they could to make sure we went to college and other things.
Anonymous
08/04/2023 18:21
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.
Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.
We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.
Move along…
NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.
Grandparents paying school tuition is a way to transfer future inheritance earlier. Plenty of people who can afford private still have grandparents paying. Nothing to be embarrassed of.
I grew up poor...went to scrappy commuter college and law school. Same for my DH. We are rich now. Rest assured I wanted a better life for my kids and grandkids.I will gladly pay their private school tuitions. I bet the holier than thou posters deriding private never went to an urban public in the hood like I did.
THIS. If I’m able I’ll gladly pay my grandkids tuition one day!
I’m the grandparent who could pay but won’t. I didn’t grow up rich or going to fancy schools either. Trust me. I just think 9/10 of this is parenting. You don’t have to spend all that money to get a good education, and there’s nothing wrong with meeting a disadvantaged classmate every once in a while - and, God forbid, maybe even making friends with some!
My comment had nothing to do with your previous comment. I was responding to the poster who mentioned she grew up poor and would like to one day pay her grandkids tuition, since others commented that many grandparents footed the bill. Please don’t come at me about my kids not meeting disadvantaged kids
Anonymous
08/04/2023 18:04
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.
Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.
We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.
I wish the charters were options for us, but we’re not comfortable with the awful test scores with most kids not meeting basic standards.
Anonymous
08/04/2023 17:39
Subject: How do people afford it?
We have a similar HHI and similar jobs, but only one kid. We’ve sent him to private all the way through from pre-k to now in high school. We don’t get FA. What makes it doable is our mortgage - house is worth $350k or so. It’s a little house in PG county. Safe and quiet neighborhood but very working class. House itself is functional and not falling apart at all, but not remodeled anytime in the past 30 years. The education is worth it for us for a bunch of reasons that may not be your reasons - choices like that are very individual.
Anonymous
08/04/2023 17:38
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.
Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.
We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.
Move along…
NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.
Grandparents paying school tuition is a way to transfer future inheritance earlier. Plenty of people who can afford private still have grandparents paying. Nothing to be embarrassed of.
I grew up poor...went to scrappy commuter college and law school. Same for my DH. We are rich now. Rest assured I wanted a better life for my kids and grandkids.I will gladly pay their private school tuitions. I bet the holier than thou posters deriding private never went to an urban public in the hood like I did.
THIS. If I’m able I’ll gladly pay my grandkids tuition one day!
I’m the grandparent who could pay but won’t. I didn’t grow up rich or going to fancy schools either. Trust me. I just think 9/10 of this is parenting. You don’t have to spend all that money to get a good education, and there’s nothing wrong with meeting a disadvantaged classmate every once in a while - and, God forbid, maybe even making friends with some!
I hear you but I think you’re on the wrong forum.
Anonymous
08/04/2023 17:34
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.
Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.
We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.
Move along…
NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.
Grandparents paying school tuition is a way to transfer future inheritance earlier. Plenty of people who can afford private still have grandparents paying. Nothing to be embarrassed of.
I grew up poor...went to scrappy commuter college and law school. Same for my DH. We are rich now. Rest assured I wanted a better life for my kids and grandkids.I will gladly pay their private school tuitions. I bet the holier than thou posters deriding private never went to an urban public in the hood like I did.
THIS. If I’m able I’ll gladly pay my grandkids tuition one day!
I’m the grandparent who could pay but won’t. I didn’t grow up rich or going to fancy schools either. Trust me. I just think 9/10 of this is parenting. You don’t have to spend all that money to get a good education, and there’s nothing wrong with meeting a disadvantaged classmate every once in a while - and, God forbid, maybe even making friends with some!
Anonymous
08/04/2023 17:34
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can comfortably do it but you mortgage and other expenses are too high. You make plenty.
I don’t know how. Our mortgage would have to be zero. And we’d still need to pay property taxes and insurance right?
No? Many middle class families in this area live on ~150k so it’s not wild to say that if you budgeted around it with a much smaller mortgage, yes you could afford private for two kids at 310k. That may not be how you want to spend your money, but at that income you have choices.
Anonymous
08/04/2023 17:33
Subject: Re:How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:We make less than that and make it work. We simply prioritize education and cut expenses in other areas. No fancy Xmas ski vacations, no fancy cars, no cable TV, lower speed Internet, keep our cars for 20 years (and no leasing), live in an older house without fancy appliances, etc.
It is possible. It is all about priorities and choices.
Yes, but private school becomes very much a case of the haves, and the have Nots. Some schools are extremely socially stratified.
Your kids will be acutely aware of what they are missing in that environment. Not that you have to go on extravagant vacations but yes, you should take some vacations.
If not, your kid will be the one tagging along with other families on their super fancy vacations to the BVIs bc there’s an extra bedroom or to Greece.
And it’s not a problem… But it happens a lot.
Btdt.
Anonymous
08/04/2023 17:30
Subject: How do people afford it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.
Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.
We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.
Move along…
NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.
I'm amused at calling private schools philosophically revolting while refusing to send your kids to the locally zoned schools and fishing around for a lottery and lucking out.
Err....
Except you missed the part about me being the grandparent. I didn’t do any fishing, and I didn’t write any checks either. No hypocrite here.
As for my kid, it doesn’t make one a hypocrite to look for alternatives to bleak public schools that don’t include rich kid schools. There’s a middle ground after all.