Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

PP (who is not the OP) was pretty clear in the parenthetical that she wasn't saying that MIL is the only option, or even an option they would expect. She was saying that the mere fact of needing additional help when one parent is away does not make the other parent incompetent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

We never had family in the US while raising two kids, so we had to find other childcare solutions. Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

What would you do if MIL wasn't alive or was disabled?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have a husband who can take care of his own kid for Chrissake

+1

I just left my DH alone with 3 kids age 7 and under while I went on a girls’ trip for 4 nights. I do not understand people who need to fly somebody in to help watch their own kids. Hire a sitter for a few hours if he needs a break or extra set of hands.

Is your DH a senior partner? Doctor? Own his own company? These are all jobs where he may not be able to cut his hours to watch his kids and he should not be faulted for it.

2 of those days were probably the weekend too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have a husband who can take care of his own kid for Chrissake

+1

I just left my DH alone with 3 kids age 7 and under while I went on a girls’ trip for 4 nights. I do not understand people who need to fly somebody in to help watch their own kids. Hire a sitter for a few hours if he needs a break or extra set of hands.

Is your DH a senior partner? Doctor? Own his own company? These are all jobs where he may not be able to cut his hours to watch his kids and he should not be faulted for it.

Stop with this.

A senior partner or a doctor or most CERTAINLY a business owner has more control over their own hours than the vast majority of people in this country.
And the point wasn't that they can cut back at work, but that they have a lot more options, because of the income from these jobs, to make it work OTHER THAN flying MIL in from across the country.

Life is about choices, and your "high-powered" job doesn't make those choices more difficult. In fact, the opposite.

Anonymous wrote:Just because she is single and retired doesn’t mean it’s easy or comfortable to travel. My parents and in-laws both dislike being away from home more and more. I think it’s just easier to get a good nights sleep and take meds on time at home. They also know they will have familiar foods and how to navigate the house at night if needed.

And it doesn't mean she doesn't have commitments. My parents are retired but very busy with church and community organizations and community service, and they make promises to those groups, to friends, and to neighbors. Grandparents don't just sit on a shelf until you need them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have a husband who can take care of his own kid for Chrissake

+1

I just left my DH alone with 3 kids age 7 and under while I went on a girls’ trip for 4 nights. I do not understand people who need to fly somebody in to help watch their own kids. Hire a sitter for a few hours if he needs a break or extra set of hands.

Is your DH a senior partner? Doctor? Own his own company? These are all jobs where he may not be able to cut his hours to watch his kids and he should not be faulted for it.

They are faulted for not having the wherewithal to hire the help they need. All those people you mentioned earn more than enough to pay for the help they need. Why haven't they and why can't we fault them for doing what needs to be done?

Just because she is single and retired doesn’t mean it’s easy or comfortable to travel. My parents and in-laws both dislike being away from home more and more. I think it’s just easier to get a good nights sleep and take meds on time at home. They also know they will have familiar foods and how to navigate the house at night if needed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have a husband who can take care of his own kid for Chrissake

+1

I just left my DH alone with 3 kids age 7 and under while I went on a girls’ trip for 4 nights. I do not understand people who need to fly somebody in to help watch their own kids. Hire a sitter for a few hours if he needs a break or extra set of hands.

Is your DH a senior partner? Doctor? Own his own company? These are all jobs where he may not be able to cut his hours to watch his kids and he should not be faulted for it.

If you plan in advanced he CAN take off. And, if he will not you have a husband issue, not MIL issue. Maybe OP doesn't make her feel welcome.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these men who can't handle their kid for a week. And this is even worse since it's only ONE kid. Sheesh. Real men don't skip a beat when wives go out of town, just like how wives manage just fine.

Some men do work long hours. It’s not just women that have important high power careers.

And parents need to take time off or make arrangements when kids are sick, other parent is out of town, etc. This isn’t a surprise. If they have time to pressure MIL to fly across the country, the dad can move a few meetings or hire extra help.

Right. Tell that to OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have a husband who can take care of his own kid for Chrissake

+1

I just left my DH alone with 3 kids age 7 and under while I went on a girls’ trip for 4 nights. I do not understand people who need to fly somebody in to help watch their own kids. Hire a sitter for a few hours if he needs a break or extra set of hands.

Is your DH a senior partner? Doctor? Own his own company? These are all jobs where he may not be able to cut his hours to watch his kids and he should not be faulted for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m still trying to figure out why your husband needs help.

Perhaps he works long hours. Sheesh.

Yes, and? This is why daycare, Nannies, babysitters, etc., exist. You pay for child care. Or at the very least, you *contribute to* and build a network of friends and neighbors who can help one another. You don’t rely on a family member who would have to fly in, FFS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these men who can't handle their kid for a week. And this is even worse since it's only ONE kid. Sheesh. Real men don't skip a beat when wives go out of town, just like how wives manage just fine.

Some men do work long hours. It’s not just women that have important high power careers.

And parents need to take time off or make arrangements when kids are sick, other parent is out of town, etc. This isn’t a surprise. If they have time to pressure MIL to fly across the country, the dad can move a few meetings or hire extra help.

Anonymous wrote:OP you have a husband who can take care of his own kid for Chrissake

+1

I just left my DH alone with 3 kids age 7 and under while I went on a girls’ trip for 4 nights. I do not understand people who need to fly somebody in to help watch their own kids. Hire a sitter for a few hours if he needs a break or extra set of hands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these men who can't handle their kid for a week. And this is even worse since it's only ONE kid. Sheesh. Real men don't skip a beat when wives go out of town, just like how wives manage just fine.

Some men do work long hours. It’s not just women that have important high power careers.

DP. Agreed, and if there are two income (at least one high-powered, maybe both), them this is a problem at which you are able to throw plenty of money. That's how it works when there is no nearby solution.

Anonymous wrote:Who are these men who can't handle their kid for a week. And this is even worse since it's only ONE kid. Sheesh. Real men don't skip a beat when wives go out of town, just like how wives manage just fine.

Some men do work long hours. It’s not just women that have important high power careers.