Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t any worse than the other state flagships. But that is part of the appeal of state flagships. Kids want the social scene whether it be Greek life or just the ability to be part of a large crowd at an athletic event or campus party.

To expect that kids are not going to take advantage of the freedom and to some degree anonymity that attending the state flagship gives them is simply not realistic.

Will every kid at the state flagship become a functional alcoholic certainly not. Will some just as certainly yes. In the same way that a certain percentage will transfer out because the reality didn’t match the expectation.

You have had your kids for 17 or 18 years, done what you could to make them responsible young adults. Now is the time to let them go and see how well you did.

Don’t over think it or get hung up by the half truths you see on social media. It will only drive you crazy.

This +1

I have two at UVA. Both Greek. One rarely drinks, or if she does has one drink and nurses it. Does go out Thurs/Fri and usually in Satrudays. My DS goes to his fraternity parties and he'll do other parties but I don't think he's ever actually been drunk, per se. He is also usually out Thurs/Fri but rarely does anything Saturdays. So no neither are anywhere near "functioning alcoholics" but do they know people who are like that, yes absolutely. They also know kids who do not really go out at all. That is the beauty of a mid-large sized state school, the ability to be who you want to be, and find your own people, whoever and whatever they may be.

I also had two kids at UVA and have no idea how often they went out, what days they went out, and how much or how little they had to drink. How in the world are you so plugged in to your kids college social life that you know all this? It’s really odd.

Why is it odd that parents have kids that trust them enough to share what they are doing at college? It’s actually pretty cool that they feel that judgement free zone and open communication with their mom.

It’s odd to be that intimately involved in your kids’ college experience. It just is. There was enough “trust” between our kids and us that we didn’t need to know where they were and what they were doing every waking minute and they didn’t feel compelled to tell us.

DP: My kids are also pretty forthright about their college experiences. Talk about hangovers/overdoing it. Bad Tinder dates. It's not about us "needing to know" or "them feeling compelled" -- we just talk about it the same way we talk about anything. It's often funny/amusing and makes us remember our dumb/fun moments in the past too. I think it's in part because we're often talking as a family group and the siblings are sharing stories with each other too (they go to different colleges). It's kind of nice to have them know that they can tell us things now that they would have likely hid while they were in high school. I could probably tell you the rhythm of their days just because we talk once a week and the retell it and we text every few days.

They’re still not telling you everything and they’re still sugar coating whatever they ARE telling you. Don’t be naive.

Not the Dp but your kid might be that way, but others aren’t. Why is that so hard to accept?

Yea, you’re right. If her kids are talking to her about Tinder dates then I guess they do tell her everything. Because Tinder is basically for arranging one night stands. Gross.

You really are out of touch. Yes alot of guys use it for that but a lot of girls use it to just meet people. And wade through alot of trash but are clear in their intentions. But anyway back to your judgmental self!

College kids going on Tinder dates while IN college is weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t any worse than the other state flagships. But that is part of the appeal of state flagships. Kids want the social scene whether it be Greek life or just the ability to be part of a large crowd at an athletic event or campus party.

To expect that kids are not going to take advantage of the freedom and to some degree anonymity that attending the state flagship gives them is simply not realistic.

Will every kid at the state flagship become a functional alcoholic certainly not. Will some just as certainly yes. In the same way that a certain percentage will transfer out because the reality didn’t match the expectation.

You have had your kids for 17 or 18 years, done what you could to make them responsible young adults. Now is the time to let them go and see how well you did.

Don’t over think it or get hung up by the half truths you see on social media. It will only drive you crazy.

This +1

I have two at UVA. Both Greek. One rarely drinks, or if she does has one drink and nurses it. Does go out Thurs/Fri and usually in Satrudays. My DS goes to his fraternity parties and he'll do other parties but I don't think he's ever actually been drunk, per se. He is also usually out Thurs/Fri but rarely does anything Saturdays. So no neither are anywhere near "functioning alcoholics" but do they know people who are like that, yes absolutely. They also know kids who do not really go out at all. That is the beauty of a mid-large sized state school, the ability to be who you want to be, and find your own people, whoever and whatever they may be.

I also had two kids at UVA and have no idea how often they went out, what days they went out, and how much or how little they had to drink. How in the world are you so plugged in to your kids college social life that you know all this? It’s really odd.

Why is it odd that parents have kids that trust them enough to share what they are doing at college? It’s actually pretty cool that they feel that judgement free zone and open communication with their mom.

It’s odd to be that intimately involved in your kids’ college experience. It just is. There was enough “trust” between our kids and us that we didn’t need to know where they were and what they were doing every waking minute and they didn’t feel compelled to tell us.

DP: My kids are also pretty forthright about their college experiences. Talk about hangovers/overdoing it. Bad Tinder dates. It's not about us "needing to know" or "them feeling compelled" -- we just talk about it the same way we talk about anything. It's often funny/amusing and makes us remember our dumb/fun moments in the past too. I think it's in part because we're often talking as a family group and the siblings are sharing stories with each other too (they go to different colleges). It's kind of nice to have them know that they can tell us things now that they would have likely hid while they were in high school. I could probably tell you the rhythm of their days just because we talk once a week and the retell it and we text every few days.

They’re still not telling you everything and they’re still sugar coating whatever they ARE telling you. Don’t be naive.

Not the Dp but your kid might be that way, but others aren’t. Why is that so hard to accept?

Yea, you’re right. If her kids are talking to her about Tinder dates then I guess they do tell her everything. Because Tinder is basically for arranging one night stands. Gross.

You really are out of touch. Yes alot of guys use it for that but a lot of girls use it to just meet people. And wade through alot of trash but are clear in their intentions. But anyway back to your judgmental self!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t any worse than the other state flagships. But that is part of the appeal of state flagships. Kids want the social scene whether it be Greek life or just the ability to be part of a large crowd at an athletic event or campus party.

To expect that kids are not going to take advantage of the freedom and to some degree anonymity that attending the state flagship gives them is simply not realistic.

Will every kid at the state flagship become a functional alcoholic certainly not. Will some just as certainly yes. In the same way that a certain percentage will transfer out because the reality didn’t match the expectation.

You have had your kids for 17 or 18 years, done what you could to make them responsible young adults. Now is the time to let them go and see how well you did.

Don’t over think it or get hung up by the half truths you see on social media. It will only drive you crazy.

This +1

I have two at UVA. Both Greek. One rarely drinks, or if she does has one drink and nurses it. Does go out Thurs/Fri and usually in Satrudays. My DS goes to his fraternity parties and he'll do other parties but I don't think he's ever actually been drunk, per se. He is also usually out Thurs/Fri but rarely does anything Saturdays. So no neither are anywhere near "functioning alcoholics" but do they know people who are like that, yes absolutely. They also know kids who do not really go out at all. That is the beauty of a mid-large sized state school, the ability to be who you want to be, and find your own people, whoever and whatever they may be.

I also had two kids at UVA and have no idea how often they went out, what days they went out, and how much or how little they had to drink. How in the world are you so plugged in to your kids college social life that you know all this? It’s really odd.

Why is it odd that parents have kids that trust them enough to share what they are doing at college? It’s actually pretty cool that they feel that judgement free zone and open communication with their mom.

It’s odd to be that intimately involved in your kids’ college experience. It just is. There was enough “trust” between our kids and us that we didn’t need to know where they were and what they were doing every waking minute and they didn’t feel compelled to tell us.

DP: My kids are also pretty forthright about their college experiences. Talk about hangovers/overdoing it. Bad Tinder dates. It's not about us "needing to know" or "them feeling compelled" -- we just talk about it the same way we talk about anything. It's often funny/amusing and makes us remember our dumb/fun moments in the past too. I think it's in part because we're often talking as a family group and the siblings are sharing stories with each other too (they go to different colleges). It's kind of nice to have them know that they can tell us things now that they would have likely hid while they were in high school. I could probably tell you the rhythm of their days just because we talk once a week and the retell it and we text every few days.

They’re still not telling you everything and they’re still sugar coating whatever they ARE telling you. Don’t be naive.

Not the Dp but your kid might be that way, but others aren’t. Why is that so hard to accept?

Yea, you’re right. If her kids are talking to her about Tinder dates then I guess they do tell her everything. Because Tinder is basically for arranging one night stands. Gross.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t any worse than the other state flagships. But that is part of the appeal of state flagships. Kids want the social scene whether it be Greek life or just the ability to be part of a large crowd at an athletic event or campus party.

To expect that kids are not going to take advantage of the freedom and to some degree anonymity that attending the state flagship gives them is simply not realistic.

Will every kid at the state flagship become a functional alcoholic certainly not. Will some just as certainly yes. In the same way that a certain percentage will transfer out because the reality didn’t match the expectation.

You have had your kids for 17 or 18 years, done what you could to make them responsible young adults. Now is the time to let them go and see how well you did.

Don’t over think it or get hung up by the half truths you see on social media. It will only drive you crazy.

This +1

I have two at UVA. Both Greek. One rarely drinks, or if she does has one drink and nurses it. Does go out Thurs/Fri and usually in Satrudays. My DS goes to his fraternity parties and he'll do other parties but I don't think he's ever actually been drunk, per se. He is also usually out Thurs/Fri but rarely does anything Saturdays. So no neither are anywhere near "functioning alcoholics" but do they know people who are like that, yes absolutely. They also know kids who do not really go out at all. That is the beauty of a mid-large sized state school, the ability to be who you want to be, and find your own people, whoever and whatever they may be.

I also had two kids at UVA and have no idea how often they went out, what days they went out, and how much or how little they had to drink. How in the world are you so plugged in to your kids college social life that you know all this? It’s really odd.

Why is it odd that parents have kids that trust them enough to share what they are doing at college? It’s actually pretty cool that they feel that judgement free zone and open communication with their mom.

It’s odd to be that intimately involved in your kids’ college experience. It just is. There was enough “trust” between our kids and us that we didn’t need to know where they were and what they were doing every waking minute and they didn’t feel compelled to tell us.

DP: My kids are also pretty forthright about their college experiences. Talk about hangovers/overdoing it. Bad Tinder dates. It's not about us "needing to know" or "them feeling compelled" -- we just talk about it the same way we talk about anything. It's often funny/amusing and makes us remember our dumb/fun moments in the past too. I think it's in part because we're often talking as a family group and the siblings are sharing stories with each other too (they go to different colleges). It's kind of nice to have them know that they can tell us things now that they would have likely hid while they were in high school. I could probably tell you the rhythm of their days just because we talk once a week and the retell it and we text every few days.

They’re still not telling you everything and they’re still sugar coating whatever they ARE telling you. Don’t be naive.

Not the Dp but your kid might be that way, but others aren’t. Why is that so hard to accept?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t any worse than the other state flagships. But that is part of the appeal of state flagships. Kids want the social scene whether it be Greek life or just the ability to be part of a large crowd at an athletic event or campus party.

To expect that kids are not going to take advantage of the freedom and to some degree anonymity that attending the state flagship gives them is simply not realistic.

Will every kid at the state flagship become a functional alcoholic certainly not. Will some just as certainly yes. In the same way that a certain percentage will transfer out because the reality didn’t match the expectation.

You have had your kids for 17 or 18 years, done what you could to make them responsible young adults. Now is the time to let them go and see how well you did.

Don’t over think it or get hung up by the half truths you see on social media. It will only drive you crazy.

This +1

I have two at UVA. Both Greek. One rarely drinks, or if she does has one drink and nurses it. Does go out Thurs/Fri and usually in Satrudays. My DS goes to his fraternity parties and he'll do other parties but I don't think he's ever actually been drunk, per se. He is also usually out Thurs/Fri but rarely does anything Saturdays. So no neither are anywhere near "functioning alcoholics" but do they know people who are like that, yes absolutely. They also know kids who do not really go out at all. That is the beauty of a mid-large sized state school, the ability to be who you want to be, and find your own people, whoever and whatever they may be.

I also had two kids at UVA and have no idea how often they went out, what days they went out, and how much or how little they had to drink. How in the world are you so plugged in to your kids college social life that you know all this? It’s really odd.

Why is it odd that parents have kids that trust them enough to share what they are doing at college? It’s actually pretty cool that they feel that judgement free zone and open communication with their mom.

It’s odd to be that intimately involved in your kids’ college experience. It just is. There was enough “trust” between our kids and us that we didn’t need to know where they were and what they were doing every waking minute and they didn’t feel compelled to tell us.

DP: My kids are also pretty forthright about their college experiences. Talk about hangovers/overdoing it. Bad Tinder dates. It's not about us "needing to know" or "them feeling compelled" -- we just talk about it the same way we talk about anything. It's often funny/amusing and makes us remember our dumb/fun moments in the past too. I think it's in part because we're often talking as a family group and the siblings are sharing stories with each other too (they go to different colleges). It's kind of nice to have them know that they can tell us things now that they would have likely hid while they were in high school. I could probably tell you the rhythm of their days just because we talk once a week and the retell it and we text every few days.

They’re still not telling you everything and they’re still sugar coating whatever they ARE telling you. Don’t be naive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t any worse than the other state flagships. But that is part of the appeal of state flagships. Kids want the social scene whether it be Greek life or just the ability to be part of a large crowd at an athletic event or campus party.

To expect that kids are not going to take advantage of the freedom and to some degree anonymity that attending the state flagship gives them is simply not realistic.

Will every kid at the state flagship become a functional alcoholic certainly not. Will some just as certainly yes. In the same way that a certain percentage will transfer out because the reality didn’t match the expectation.

You have had your kids for 17 or 18 years, done what you could to make them responsible young adults. Now is the time to let them go and see how well you did.

Don’t over think it or get hung up by the half truths you see on social media. It will only drive you crazy.

This +1

I have two at UVA. Both Greek. One rarely drinks, or if she does has one drink and nurses it. Does go out Thurs/Fri and usually in Satrudays. My DS goes to his fraternity parties and he'll do other parties but I don't think he's ever actually been drunk, per se. He is also usually out Thurs/Fri but rarely does anything Saturdays. So no neither are anywhere near "functioning alcoholics" but do they know people who are like that, yes absolutely. They also know kids who do not really go out at all. That is the beauty of a mid-large sized state school, the ability to be who you want to be, and find your own people, whoever and whatever they may be.

I also had two kids at UVA and have no idea how often they went out, what days they went out, and how much or how little they had to drink. How in the world are you so plugged in to your kids college social life that you know all this? It’s really odd.

Why is it odd that parents have kids that trust them enough to share what they are doing at college? It’s actually pretty cool that they feel that judgement free zone and open communication with their mom.

It’s odd to be that intimately involved in your kids’ college experience. It just is. There was enough “trust” between our kids and us that we didn’t need to know where they were and what they were doing every waking minute and they didn’t feel compelled to tell us.

DP: My kids are also pretty forthright about their college experiences. Talk about hangovers/overdoing it. Bad Tinder dates. It's not about us "needing to know" or "them feeling compelled" -- we just talk about it the same way we talk about anything. It's often funny/amusing and makes us remember our dumb/fun moments in the past too. I think it's in part because we're often talking as a family group and the siblings are sharing stories with each other too (they go to different colleges). It's kind of nice to have them know that they can tell us things now that they would have likely hid while they were in high school. I could probably tell you the rhythm of their days just because we talk once a week and the retell it and we text every few days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t any worse than the other state flagships. But that is part of the appeal of state flagships. Kids want the social scene whether it be Greek life or just the ability to be part of a large crowd at an athletic event or campus party.

To expect that kids are not going to take advantage of the freedom and to some degree anonymity that attending the state flagship gives them is simply not realistic.

Will every kid at the state flagship become a functional alcoholic certainly not. Will some just as certainly yes. In the same way that a certain percentage will transfer out because the reality didn’t match the expectation.

You have had your kids for 17 or 18 years, done what you could to make them responsible young adults. Now is the time to let them go and see how well you did.

Don’t over think it or get hung up by the half truths you see on social media. It will only drive you crazy.

This +1

I have two at UVA. Both Greek. One rarely drinks, or if she does has one drink and nurses it. Does go out Thurs/Fri and usually in Satrudays. My DS goes to his fraternity parties and he'll do other parties but I don't think he's ever actually been drunk, per se. He is also usually out Thurs/Fri but rarely does anything Saturdays. So no neither are anywhere near "functioning alcoholics" but do they know people who are like that, yes absolutely. They also know kids who do not really go out at all. That is the beauty of a mid-large sized state school, the ability to be who you want to be, and find your own people, whoever and whatever they may be.

I also had two kids at UVA and have no idea how often they went out, what days they went out, and how much or how little they had to drink. How in the world are you so plugged in to your kids college social life that you know all this? It’s really odd.

Why is it odd that parents have kids that trust them enough to share what they are doing at college? It’s actually pretty cool that they feel that judgement free zone and open communication with their mom.

It’s odd to be that intimately involved in your kids’ college experience. It just is. There was enough “trust” between our kids and us that we didn’t need to know where they were and what they were doing every waking minute and they didn’t feel compelled to tell us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t any worse than the other state flagships. But that is part of the appeal of state flagships. Kids want the social scene whether it be Greek life or just the ability to be part of a large crowd at an athletic event or campus party.

To expect that kids are not going to take advantage of the freedom and to some degree anonymity that attending the state flagship gives them is simply not realistic.

This is kind of funny that you do not think your kids drink. You could be my mom.
m

Will every kid at the state flagship become a functional alcoholic certainly not. Will some just as certainly yes. In the same way that a certain percentage will transfer out because the reality didn’t match the expectation.

You have had your kids for 17 or 18 years, done what you could to make them responsible young adults. Now is the time to let them go and see how well you did.

Don’t over think it or get hung up by the half truths you see on social media. It will only drive you crazy.

This +1

I have two at UVA. Both Greek. One rarely drinks, or if she does has one drink and nurses it. Does go out Thurs/Fri and usually in Satrudays. My DS goes to his fraternity parties and he'll do other parties but I don't think he's ever actually been drunk, per se. He is also usually out Thurs/Fri but rarely does anything Saturdays. So no neither are anywhere near "functioning alcoholics" but do they know people who are like that, yes absolutely. They also know kids who do not really go out at all. That is the beauty of a mid-large sized state school, the ability to be who you want to be, and find your own people, whoever and whatever they may be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, as a New England person, you VA people really seem to take it for granted that you have the opportunity to not only have an easier time getting your kids into UVA or W&M but to send them at reduced cost. Total no brainer - barring acceptance into a handful of Ivies and the like.

I mean, yea, as the parent of two kids who went there I totally agree. I was over the moon when they got in. A school of that quality and reputation for that price? There’s only a half dozen private schools, tops, that I’d even consider paying full price for over UVA.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not attend UVA, but based on my small anecdotal sample of friends and colleagues, schools in less urban areas seem to have more heavy drinking culture. I went to school in a southern city and while there definitely was a heavy drinking culture, it seemed much easier to find an alternative bc the city offered a lot of options. At the state school near my fairly small hometown, drinking or frat parties were pretty much the social scene on weekends. FWIW, I will also say, I was shocked freshman year to see the kids who could play hard but also study hard - it was more common among the kids of means who had been drinking through high school, so had figured out the balance between academics and fun, but it was not the burnouts - it was the smart kids.

This is why I encouraged my son and daughter to organize drinking parties for their teammates and friends, from spring of 9th grade on after learning to drink within our house that previous summer and fall. I wanted them to learn BEFORE college how to handle their alcohol and their responsibilities, so they wouldn't be cutting loose for the first time in college. I also wanted them to build the confidence that comes from being at the top of the social pyramid, and that starts with high school. They needed to learn who they should be friends with, and who's embarrassing.

Things move fast in college those first few weeks, and kids make the mistake of being desperate and latching onto the first kid or group who they think could be "friends". The LAST thing you want to do is to get yourself anchored to someone everyone (especially Greeks) sees as a loser. YOU want to be the one deciding who's a loser, and who's cool. YOU want to be the one the frat or the sorority wants. YOU want to be the hot commodity.

I want to believe this is a troll but sadly I’ve seen this so many times with parents of high schoolers that it is a sad reality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not attend UVA, but based on my small anecdotal sample of friends and colleagues, schools in less urban areas seem to have more heavy drinking culture. I went to school in a southern city and while there definitely was a heavy drinking culture, it seemed much easier to find an alternative bc the city offered a lot of options. At the state school near my fairly small hometown, drinking or frat parties were pretty much the social scene on weekends. FWIW, I will also say, I was shocked freshman year to see the kids who could play hard but also study hard - it was more common among the kids of means who had been drinking through high school, so had figured out the balance between academics and fun, but it was not the burnouts - it was the smart kids.

This is why I encouraged my son and daughter to organize drinking parties for their teammates and friends, from spring of 9th grade on after learning to drink within our house that previous summer and fall. I wanted them to learn BEFORE college how to handle their alcohol and their responsibilities, so they wouldn't be cutting loose for the first time in college. I also wanted them to build the confidence that comes from being at the top of the social pyramid, and that starts with high school. They needed to learn who they should be friends with, and who's embarrassing.

Things move fast in college those first few weeks, and kids make the mistake of being desperate and latching onto the first kid or group who they think could be "friends". The LAST thing you want to do is to get yourself anchored to someone everyone (especially Greeks) sees as a loser. YOU want to be the one deciding who's a loser, and who's cool. YOU want to be the one the frat or the sorority wants. YOU want to be the hot commodity.