Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 15:05     Subject: Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not reasonable. Your child is going to go to college as an adult. This is a crazy limitation. If there is truly a life changing emergency you can shell out for a flight for that unlikely opportunity. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about your child becoming independent.



So do you think not having enough money is also crazy? If you don't have the money, you tell your kids just like you tell them you don't have the money to buy them a car or a horse or whatever else they ask for.

DP. If the reason is money, then the most important conversation should be about cost and potential for merit scholarships or need-based aid, not about distance. OP has yet to identify a specific school, unless by her reference to Wisconsin and Indiana she meant the public flagships, which are 57k and 59k out of state, in which case the focus on cost should have ruled these schools out, not distance.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:56     Subject: Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Perfectly reasonable, OP.

My parents set a similar radius both for financial reasons and because they didn’t want to deal more complicated logistics. Leaves your kid with plenty of options.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:55     Subject: Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Anonymous wrote:Not reasonable. Your child is going to go to college as an adult. This is a crazy limitation. If there is truly a life changing emergency you can shell out for a flight for that unlikely opportunity. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about your child becoming independent.



So do you think not having enough money is also crazy? If you don't have the money, you tell your kids just like you tell them you don't have the money to buy them a car or a horse or whatever else they ask for.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:40     Subject: Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?

OP's question is about cost.

From a cost perspective, the question is moot until your kid applies and gets financial and merit aid offers.

THEN you can decide.

Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:38     Subject: Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Not reasonable. Your child is going to go to college as an adult. This is a crazy limitation. If there is truly a life changing emergency you can shell out for a flight for that unlikely opportunity. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about your child becoming independent.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:37     Subject: Re:Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to me but for different reasons. I cannot afford to have to stay overnight every time I drop him off/pick him up. The max we looked at was 4 hrs away.


I dropped off my child once freshman year and plan to pick up at graduation. Otherwise she flies solo. Otherwise we visit for parents' weekend each year.



Does she ship all of her stuff to/from school?

NP. Most students who fly to/from school store their stuff over the summer near the college. I have 3 kids in 3 different parts of the country and all three ended up paying about $60/month for an individual unit for summer storage. Sharing a unit with friends is cheaper. (The hardest part is getting the stuff from the dorm to storage, cheapest option being a friend with a car.)
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:32     Subject: Re:Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to me but for different reasons. I cannot afford to have to stay overnight every time I drop him off/pick him up. The max we looked at was 4 hrs away.


I dropped off my child once freshman year and plan to pick up at graduation. Otherwise she flies solo. Otherwise we visit for parents' weekend each year.



Does she ship all of her stuff to/from school?
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:31     Subject: Re:Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Anonymous wrote:I think the thing to keep in mind is they are adults, part of the experience is trying a new homebase, so working a little expense and inconvenience to allow for that is good, if possible. Really six hour drive doesn't make that much of a difference in budget. If you are going and collecting, it's still an overnight. Typically at most one parent goes, because a car full of family is no better than two suitcases on an airplane. Ideally the student finds a way to transport themselves, with a carpool or a solo plane ticket. My oldest was 3000 miles but in a major city with easy flights. My youngest is a six hour drive, but with a major metro area and potential traffic jams in the middle. I'm in no mood to visit, and in an emergency I couldn't get there much quicker. Of course the parent sets the budget, but it may be more a psychological barrier than the expense. They're entering a phase where you can't necessarily be there in an instant.



Such a DCUM response. No, it really is the expense for most of the rest of us. The cheapest hotel near most of the colleges we visited was $250 per night. That plus gas over four years adds up to a lot of extra expense. There are plenty of good colleges closer. Also, there are other reasons like taking time off to get your child to/from school. My kid is going to school 20 minutes away and I'm already dreading asking for the day off to move him in. It's the first full week of school (I'm a teacher) and I know my admin will be pissed that they need to find me a sub (which doesn't exist). If I asked for 1-2 days off every time he needed to move into/out of school, it would be an issue. I only get 1-2 personal days per year as it is.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:23     Subject: Re:Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to me but for different reasons. I cannot afford to have to stay overnight every time I drop him off/pick him up. The max we looked at was 4 hrs away.


I dropped off my child once freshman year and plan to pick up at graduation. Otherwise she flies solo. Otherwise we visit for parents' weekend each year.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:22     Subject: Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.


I think it's fine for you to express your preference and the reasons/benefits of staying within that radius. But personally I wouldn't insist on it if DC truly and strongly wants to venture out farther. Also, you don't need to visit DC more than once during the school year and she doesn't need to fly back except during breaks, so airfare shouldn't be an insurmountable barrier. And how do you know it's unaffordable until you know the cost of attendance of each school applied to after need and/or merit aid?

NO. The nerve of you to tell OP what she considers affordable or not. Not everyone has unlimited disposable funds to assume that whatever the cost, the family could afford more than one air flight home. OP you’re the parents. I told DC to apply to universities within a certain radius. Ty eye are are plethora of choices.


Weird thing to say. It comes down to the specific math, of course, but the difference in rent between my midwestern college down and, say, Philadelphia, would easily pay for regular flights home.


Yes, I think you can sent a limit on total price, calculating flights as part of that, but there are lots to be deals to be had in midwestern colleges, both with merit aid and total living expenses.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:22     Subject: Re:Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Anonymous wrote:I think the thing to keep in mind is they are adults, part of the experience is trying a new homebase, so working a little expense and inconvenience to allow for that is good, if possible. Really six hour drive doesn't make that much of a difference in budget. If you are going and collecting, it's still an overnight. Typically at most one parent goes, because a car full of family is no better than two suitcases on an airplane. Ideally the student finds a way to transport themselves, with a carpool or a solo plane ticket. My oldest was 3000 miles but in a major city with easy flights. My youngest is a six hour drive, but with a major metro area and potential traffic jams in the middle. I'm in no mood to visit, and in an emergency I couldn't get there much quicker. Of course the parent sets the budget, but it may be more a psychological barrier than the expense. They're entering a phase where you can't necessarily be there in an instant.


I'm the single parent above. I could absolutely drive 6-7 hours, pick up a kid and come back the same day. Plus, for single parents, it may not just be one parent who has to go.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:20     Subject: Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
I think it’s ok, but maybe widen your drive time window to 7-9 hours?
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:19     Subject: Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Anonymous wrote:Of course it’s reasonable. It’s OP’s money, it’s a lot of money, and it’s college not a marriage. More than one college can be a “perfect fit.”

Stop indulging your kids.

Yep. Thankfully we live an area with many fine colleges in that 6-7 hour radius. Your child should have no problem finding a good college for them in that radius.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:14     Subject: Re:Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
It's reasonable to me but for different reasons. I cannot afford to have to stay overnight every time I drop him off/pick him up. The max we looked at was 4 hrs away.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2023 14:11     Subject: Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?
Not reasonable. Plus, at 7 hours, the cost of gas could be the same price as one plane ticket if it's the right destination.