Anonymous
07/28/2023 10:56
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
OP I'll be your errand boy for $150/hr.
Anonymous
07/28/2023 10:55
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
OP's friend just isn't that into her.
She's an acquaintance, who didn't want to help to that extent, was too ashamed to say no, and got mad afterward for her own failure to stand for herself, and externalized it onto OP. Calling herself "boy" (sexist) shows how she worked herself up into feeling demeaned below the status she tries to project for herself.
Also possible she miss something she was planning to do, maybe her DH yelled at her or her kid got into a mess, and that wrecked her mood ans she needed to to blame OP to cope.
She's an acquaintance, who didn't want to help to that extent, was too ashamed to say no, and got mad afterward for her own failure to stand for herself, and externalized it onto OP. Calling herself "boy" (sexist) shows how she worked herself up into feeling demeaned below the status she tries to project for herself.
Also possible she miss something she was planning to do, maybe her DH yelled at her or her kid got into a mess, and that wrecked her mood ans she needed to to blame OP to cope.
Anonymous
07/28/2023 10:40
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
Paying a friend $150 for helping you with a small emergency? DCUMs really are insufferable!
Anonymous
07/28/2023 09:59
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is one of my least favorite kinds of threads on DCUM. “Someone in my life is upset with me. Do they have a right to feel that way? Here are cherry picked details to make them sound like a crazy jerk.”
If the friend feels like an errand boy, and OP cares about the friendship, OP should accept that and look to repair the friendship as needed (which might just mean accepting no more favors like this from this friend).
Trying to come up with reasons why the friend’s feelings are invalid is a good way to destroy the friendship, but not a good way to solve the problem here.
OP here,
Not trying to invalidate her feelings. She hasn't really elaborated on why she feels like this or what exactly bothered her. Yes, I am wondering just how badly of a screw up this was on my part. I'm trying to understand her feelings.
No more texting. Pick up the phone and call her if you want to clear up any misunderstandings.
This. If you want to stay friends, just call her and talk to her. I wouldn't have appreciated the money, but maybe it was some other aspect for her. You will never know unless you ask HER.
Anonymous
07/28/2023 09:52
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is one of my least favorite kinds of threads on DCUM. “Someone in my life is upset with me. Do they have a right to feel that way? Here are cherry picked details to make them sound like a crazy jerk.”
If the friend feels like an errand boy, and OP cares about the friendship, OP should accept that and look to repair the friendship as needed (which might just mean accepting no more favors like this from this friend).
Trying to come up with reasons why the friend’s feelings are invalid is a good way to destroy the friendship, but not a good way to solve the problem here.
OP here,
Not trying to invalidate her feelings. She hasn't really elaborated on why she feels like this or what exactly bothered her. Yes, I am wondering just how badly of a screw up this was on my part. I'm trying to understand her feelings.
No more texting. Pick up the phone and call her if you want to clear up any misunderstandings.
Anonymous
07/28/2023 09:47
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
[quote=Anonymous]
I don't know why you keep insisting that she couldn't say no. She was given that chance. She said yes. Also I didn't ask her to "drop everything". I asked (at around 10 am) if she could do it. PO closes at 5, so she went at around 3:30.[/quote]
OP, you can defend yourself here as much as you need to. But seriously - do you want to be right on the internet or do you want to keep the friendship? Because it sounds more like the former than the latter.
Call your friend, apologize for "overpaying" her, and ask to meet her for lunch/dinner. And decide if she's your friend or your task rabbit employee. Then treat her like that.
I don't know why you keep insisting that she couldn't say no. She was given that chance. She said yes. Also I didn't ask her to "drop everything". I asked (at around 10 am) if she could do it. PO closes at 5, so she went at around 3:30.[/quote]
OP, you can defend yourself here as much as you need to. But seriously - do you want to be right on the internet or do you want to keep the friendship? Because it sounds more like the former than the latter.
Call your friend, apologize for "overpaying" her, and ask to meet her for lunch/dinner. And decide if she's your friend or your task rabbit employee. Then treat her like that.
Anonymous
07/28/2023 09:44
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
Anonymous wrote:This is one of my least favorite kinds of threads on DCUM. “Someone in my life is upset with me. Do they have a right to feel that way? Here are cherry picked details to make them sound like a crazy jerk.”
If the friend feels like an errand boy, and OP cares about the friendship, OP should accept that and look to repair the friendship as needed (which might just mean accepting no more favors like this from this friend).
Trying to come up with reasons why the friend’s feelings are invalid is a good way to destroy the friendship, but not a good way to solve the problem here.
OP here,
Not trying to invalidate her feelings. She hasn't really elaborated on why she feels like this or what exactly bothered her. Yes, I am wondering just how badly of a screw up this was on my part. I'm trying to understand her feelings.
Anonymous
07/28/2023 09:43
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
Two miserable people calling each other "friend"
Anonymous
07/28/2023 09:41
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here,
This is the full message she sent:
"Larla, I got the cash app. Thanks. I just want to say in the future, please don't regard me as your errand boy."
FWIW, I sent the cash app before she even went to the PO. I just wanted it to be done so she wouldn't be waiting around for her reimbursement. Also, no there was no implication that she had to do it. I even said in the message, "if you can't, no worries at all!" and meant it because I have a few local friends I could ask. [/quote]
I see nothing wrong with her text. You asked her to drop everything and do an immediate, time consuming task for you. To be clear, this wasn’t a favor, you paid her for it. You treated her like a paid assistant.
She apparently is a great friend and did it for you. Now she’s letting you know that she didn’t appreciate it and not to do it again.
I think she’s 100% within her right to let you know not to put her out like that again. You put her in a position where she basically couldn’t say no, so she complied with your request. But that was a big ask. [/quote]
I don't know why you keep insisting that she couldn't say no. She was given that chance. She said yes. Also I didn't ask her to "drop everything". I asked (at around 10 am) if she could do it. PO closes at 5, so she went at around 3:30.
This is the full message she sent:
"Larla, I got the cash app. Thanks. I just want to say in the future, please don't regard me as your errand boy."
FWIW, I sent the cash app before she even went to the PO. I just wanted it to be done so she wouldn't be waiting around for her reimbursement. Also, no there was no implication that she had to do it. I even said in the message, "if you can't, no worries at all!" and meant it because I have a few local friends I could ask. [/quote]
I see nothing wrong with her text. You asked her to drop everything and do an immediate, time consuming task for you. To be clear, this wasn’t a favor, you paid her for it. You treated her like a paid assistant.
She apparently is a great friend and did it for you. Now she’s letting you know that she didn’t appreciate it and not to do it again.
I think she’s 100% within her right to let you know not to put her out like that again. You put her in a position where she basically couldn’t say no, so she complied with your request. But that was a big ask. [/quote]
I don't know why you keep insisting that she couldn't say no. She was given that chance. She said yes. Also I didn't ask her to "drop everything". I asked (at around 10 am) if she could do it. PO closes at 5, so she went at around 3:30.
Anonymous
07/28/2023 08:02
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was paying her extra for the favor when you should have reimbursed her and then treated her to dinner or something after your return.
This OP. What were you thinking? By paying her for trouble, your made a value judgement on what her time/trouble is worth. Unintentionally for sure but, nevertheless, that's what you did. Dinner or some sort of get-together would've been so much better. I think your friend's reaction was pretty strong but I can't blame her for feeling that way.
Anonymous
07/28/2023 07:58
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
Your mistake was paying her extra for the favor when you should have reimbursed her and then treated her to dinner or something after your return.
Anonymous
07/28/2023 07:55
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
This is one of my least favorite kinds of threads on DCUM. “Someone in my life is upset with me. Do they have a right to feel that way? Here are cherry picked details to make them sound like a crazy jerk.”
If the friend feels like an errand boy, and OP cares about the friendship, OP should accept that and look to repair the friendship as needed (which might just mean accepting no more favors like this from this friend).
Trying to come up with reasons why the friend’s feelings are invalid is a good way to destroy the friendship, but not a good way to solve the problem here.
If the friend feels like an errand boy, and OP cares about the friendship, OP should accept that and look to repair the friendship as needed (which might just mean accepting no more favors like this from this friend).
Trying to come up with reasons why the friend’s feelings are invalid is a good way to destroy the friendship, but not a good way to solve the problem here.
Anonymous
07/28/2023 07:31
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
I think this problem could have been resolved by not communicating via text.
A request like this merits a phone call.
A request like this merits a phone call.
Anonymous
07/28/2023 06:50
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
You don't know your friend a lot lot, do you? My friends would never say anything like that. Your would and can't possibly be the first time.
Ask your friend what he/she is smoking to say something like that!
Ask your friend what he/she is smoking to say something like that!
Anonymous
07/28/2023 06:40
Subject: Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is such a “huge” favor. I would do it in a second for a friend, with zero resentment. But it sounds like she was having a crappy day (maybe someone else asked her to do something? Maybe her parents always treated her like an errand boy?) so I would just apologize and move on.
That's no fun at all.