Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 18:29     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
Your friends think you are uptight, too hyper-focused on being "Best Mom" and are pushing you down to their level. Btw, I wouldn't change.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 18:20     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
Anonymous wrote:My dh misses our kids actual bday about 50% of the time. We just celebrate weekend before, kids never mind getting their presents early, and then a little again on the actual day. Literally no one has ever had a second thought about him (a dad) missing a bday or in any way acted like that was selfish or somehow damaging. Go have fun!


Bu choice or because he was working?
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 18:02     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
My dh misses our kids actual bday about 50% of the time. We just celebrate weekend before, kids never mind getting their presents early, and then a little again on the actual day. Literally no one has ever had a second thought about him (a dad) missing a bday or in any way acted like that was selfish or somehow damaging. Go have fun!
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 17:35     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
Who misses their kid’s birthday if they can at all help it?
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 17:24     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Those dates are being considered because they don't care so much about whether you come. Not saying they are bad friends. They are typical friends. But that is what their decision making is telling you. Accept it. Say no. See them another time.


Op - I guess - though it is my very best friend organizing this. So that’s a bummer.


OP, I disagree with PP. if this is your best friend planning it, then she probably heard your having an issue with those dates as not a firm no, and maybe she thinks there’s a chance you can be persuaded to go then if other people are a hard no on other dates.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 15:58     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
Anonymous wrote:Those dates are being considered because they don't care so much about whether you come. Not saying they are bad friends. They are typical friends. But that is what their decision making is telling you. Accept it. Say no. See them another time.


Op - I guess - though it is my very best friend organizing this. So that’s a bummer.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 15:36     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
I would have zero problem missing the birthday. But I have a summer birthday so I'm used to the idea of celebrating on different days and in different places.

Depends on the kid for camp. We are a big camp family so it is a big milestone for us, but not really a big deal activity. Our kids camps are both drive through drop offs. A little anti climactic. No going to the bunk or setting up or making a bed. Just driving through, checking them in, getting out for a hug and driving back.

I think friend or solo trips are important , and if that's the way the timing works out, I would likely go on the trip.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 15:05     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
My kids come first!
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 15:04     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
Anonymous wrote:I think girls trips are dumb. Team take your kid.


You sound like you don’t have friends.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 14:57     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
Those dates are being considered because they don't care so much about whether you come. Not saying they are bad friends. They are typical friends. But that is what their decision making is telling you. Accept it. Say no. See them another time.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 14:17     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
Anonymous wrote:My feeling is, you are the one who has to juggle more complicated logistics just to make the trip, your schedule limitations should carry the same amount of weight, if not more, as others'.


Really depends on how many people and who is driving the trip.

I’m often the planner and this one other friend. We have one friend who is always a maybe. Another friend can almost make any time. One friend’s husband travels 50% of the time and she is almost always out.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 14:10     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
My feeling is, you are the one who has to juggle more complicated logistics just to make the trip, your schedule limitations should carry the same amount of weight, if not more, as others'.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 13:53     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think girls trips are dumb. Team take your kid.


This. I like hanging out with my girlfriends for several hours.


Speak for yourself. I love my friend trips. I also enjoy vacationing with my family and family friends. I just got back from a family friend trip. We want to do a moms trip next and also another family vacation altogether.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 13:52     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think girls trips are dumb. Team take your kid.


I honestly agree. And how does anyone do a "weekend" in Europe? Not even a full week?? Going overseas is something you put aside at least a week for, two or three ideally. The trains are fast, but not that fast if you want to see more than one cool city.


I’ve done this often as a long weekend. Fly out Wednesday night, back Sunday. You get three full days in Europe and a casual Sunday flight back. It’s a lovely trip.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2023 13:51     Subject: Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It depends.

If I had a girls weekend scheduled in Europe, with a group of people, and we'd all agreed on a date, and then we find a sleep away camp that my kid wants to go to and it turns out the first day is when I'm away, absolutely I would miss it. My husband can handle something like that. Backing out of a trip like that for that reason after a weekend has been chosen is crappy.

If my friends and I are trying to schedule a weekend away, I would definitely lead with those dates not being good for me. BUT if it's like 10 people, you're going to have to be flexible to make it happen. People are going to have immovable commitments, and there's only so many weekends. I would sacrifice either of these to make that trip happen if it was the only option ASSUMING these are friends that are important to me and I want to go.

It's also okay to say (internally) "yes, this trip will be fun if it fits in my schedule, but at this stage in my life, I'm not willing to miss any even somewhat important kid things," provide the weekends that work for you, and if they don't work for others, say "I'm bummed to miss it, but my calendar is tight this year. You guys should go and have a great time, take lots of pictures for me."


Op - no we haven’t booked it yet, i said those weekends are an issue for me but apparently they are best for others


PP here. Okay. The first thing I'd do is dig in on "best for others" - if this is a large group and there are really immovable things, that's one thing. If other weekends are potentially workable for others, just not "best" then I'd probably push back. Might be easiest to do this on a group call.

But you may need to decide how much you're willing to sacrifice for this girls trip. That's a very personal decision. If you would rather make this girls trip work, do it. That doesn't make you a bad mom, it's one weekend. If you would rather be there for camp and your kid's birthday, do it. That doesn't make you a bad friend, it's one trip.

What I would NOT do is cave to peer pressure in either direction. If you want to go on the trip but think "good moms" are here for these kinds of things, that's ridiculous, go on the trip. If you want to be at the kid events but your friends are really pushing you, tell them no and hold firm. You know what's best for you and your family.


Op - tbh I’m a little bummed about the ‘this is what works best for others’ part.. but I also get it. I just would prefer not to miss these things (ds is neurodiverse and these things will be a source of many feelings for him). But I wondered if maybe it seems to them/ others that I should be able to miss them and I am throwing up roadblocks that are unreasonable


PP here - yeah, I think you should push back gently on the "best for others" - can you try a Doodle poll or something? Or setup a group call? Or maybe just a call with the primary organizer (if there is one)? You're not being unreasonable at all. Try and find out what the other blockers are. But at some point you may need to pick (kid events or girls trip) and so I would have that answer in your pocket in case that's what it really comes down to.


+1 Personally, with my kids I would not skip the sleepaway camp drop off. DD was very anxious that first time and I don't trust DH (who also has ADHD) to manage the details on that and I know DD would want me there. A birthday I wouldn't care about being there on the actual day. We'd just celebrate before I left or as soon as I got back depending on the timing.