Anonymous
Post 07/31/2023 16:35     Subject: 16 yo son in room all day? Normal?
Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old son works at the pool with other teens/early 20s kids. He also take a summer course at the community college. But he never hangs out with friends. He says he stays in touch online.

He's definitely introverted. I thought the summer job would be a great way to make more friends but not at all. We even live in a walkable/bikeable town and there's a commuter train stop within walking distance to our house.

I'm not so concerned about him staying in his room, but I do think teen years are important
for developing social skills. Many talk of an "epidemic of loneliness" among Americans. If you're not making friends in high school, how will you fare in later years?

I did not have many friends in high school at all. I have a gigantic group of friends as an adult. High school sucked for me and the girls were horrible. I’m 45 and next month and going away with 15 other women for a women’s beach week. Friendships as an adult can’t even compare to the horrible drama of the teen years.



Anonymous
Post 07/31/2023 16:27     Subject: 16 yo son in room all day? Normal?
My son just turned 17 and has a summer job that takes up 32hrs of his week. He then goes to the gym, which probably consumes another 8hrs. He socializes a small amount, but is very tired because he’s also writing his college essays and getting his requirements down for the schools he wants to apply to. We don’t have TVs/ computers in any of our bedrooms so this eliminates that.

If he were not working and not working out, not sure what he’s do all day since most all of his friends also have jobs.

Not sure how people can stand having teens lay around the house all summer without making an income.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2023 08:54     Subject: Re:16 yo son in room all day? Normal?
OP- You posted that he doesn't see any of his friends live. That's not normal. Does he want to? Do they want to get together? Do they get together and hang out during the school year?
Anonymous
Post 07/30/2023 23:44     Subject: 16 yo son in room all day? Normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I only have 1 child, a 16 yo son. He rarely comes from his room other than to eat and say good morning. I would like him to spend some time out of his room other than eating meals. Is this normal? How do you engage a son at this age?

He does volunteer work that he enjoys about 12 hours a week; plays soccer twice a week; has an online tutor; is attending hour long sessions on how to prepare for college (which I signed him up for) so he's not inside and playing games and mindless youtube videos all day. He does not see any friends live, but texts and snapchats them daily too. We watch a show together a few nights a week, at my suggestion.

Will someone please reality check me? What is reasonable?
Do you have expectations that your teen not be in room all day?
If so, what do you expect? How do you engage?

TIA.



OP, your son who is "in his room all day":
-volunteers 12 hrs/week
-plays soccer twice a week
-has an online tutor
-attends hour-long college prep classes
-watches a show with you multiple times a week

(Sincerely) what would you like him to do?


Let's look at the numbers...
There are 168 hours in a week. Let's say he sleeps for 9 hours per day, so subtract 64 hours per week. We're now at 105 hours of time per week.
- volunteers 12 hours
- soccer 4 or 5 hours ?
- online tutor 3 or 4 hours ?
- college prep classes 1 hour per week ?
- watches some shows with parent 5 hours ?
- eats with family 8 to 10 hours?
So 37 hours of "things" in total. So 105 available hours minus 37 is 68 remaining hours.

Basically, he is in his room for about 10 hours every day. Yeah, that seems concerning to me.


You've left out showering dressing, meals, using the toilet, and a lot of other normal activities everyone does.
Anonymous
Post 07/30/2023 23:31     Subject: Re:16 yo son in room all day? Normal?
Anonymous wrote:At least your son is getting up, leaving the house, and being around people even if he isn’t making friends with them. OP’s kid is holed up in his room all day. Not normal.


Not true---I am OP. You are overboard and making up stuff. To clarify, my rising JR is a volunteer EMS in training for a local fire department and socializes and learns with others there a number of whom attend his HS (do you know how much work --both academically and otherwise that takes?) and he loves it; is almost an Eagle Scout (just needs to finish ES project)--has his life badge which is a step below Eagle; went to Scout camp in another state for a week by train and hung with scout friends; soccer; swims, he has sport friends; has tutor for math and Spanish; got learners permit last week; has gone on several local college tours this summer; is taking the hour long zoom presentations offered by MCPS and he Princeton Review about developing a college lists; the common application a few times a week. And, he plays games in his room a lot. He does some things with the other EMS volunteers; otherwise, does not hang with friends live --sees them at sports; scouts, school. Not really outside of that.

If you reread my initial post my question is about the time he spends in his room when he is home; I would like to see him more; he basically comes out to eat and we watch a show together several times a week. A friend just shared some games she plays with her teen. I will see if I can get some game play in there; otherwise I am gonna leave him be.

You all can resume arguing amongst yourselves now. Sorry I posted to begin with. Should really know better by now. LOL.