Anonymous wrote:Ain’t nobody got time to read that wall of words.

Imagine posting this -- on the 5th page! 😂

Anonymous wrote:You need to ask him about it see what he says. It doesn't matter if you "don't care" anymore I'd want to know how he would handle this lying or telling the truth so you can file this away. There is no way happy or unhappy I wouldn't want answers OP.

The state of most men and husbands these days are abysmal so don't feel like you are totally alone, you're not.

Re: The bold above, yes, i agree; the OP does need answers, even though she says she doesn't care if he's doing...whatever it is he's doing.

She needs frankness and openness from him for one vital reason, her own health.

They do still have sex, rarely, but it only takes one time for him to give her an STI if he is having sex with anyone else (and only one time with someone else for him to pick up an STI to bring home). Some STIs have little to no obvious symptoms for a very long time. I hope she has tested AND gotten a follow-up test later; doctors will tell you to re-test after a certain period because some infections take a while to turn up and an initial test may not catch every infection that's there. And in her shoes, not knowing if he's just wearing and using these items for himself at home or if he's having sex with anyone else -- I would not have sex with him at all any more. She seems to have zero actual pleasure in doing so, and if there's any risk of an STI (or...pregnancy, OP?) it's just not worth it. There is no "we're doing it to keep the marriage alive" going on here.

This thread is old, though. OP, are you out there? I'm worried for your emotional and physical health.

What kind of sex toys?

You need to ask him about it see what he says. It doesn't matter if you "don't care" anymore I'd want to know how he would handle this lying or telling the truth so you can file this away. There is no way happy or unhappy I wouldn't want answers OP.

The state of most men and husbands these days are abysmal so don't feel like you are totally alone, you're not.

Based on OP's post it's certain his spouse is as miserable as she is. At least they have that in common.

He sounds like a cross between a friends ex who was helpful around the house and wore headphones all of the time while with family. He eventually left for and married his asst.

And a partner at my firm, who beat a hasty departure with no email announcement, as in one day he was a non equity partner and then poof.

Unfortunately he was awfully unkind to his secretary, she took the abuse but she didn’t take it lying down.

He started disappearing for hours at a time during the day every day, so out of curiosity she started going in and checking his computer after he left and before it went to privacy screen, his call history and notes left on his desk; he was cruising on-line and then meeting up with $20-50 an hour craig’s list ladies.

When the wife called the sec would let her know he’d been out for X time, but nope, nothing on his calendar, wife figured out what he was up to, started calling everyday around the same time.

She quickly realized his sex addiction had come roaring back with a vengeance, she and the sec were friendly, so she let slip that he was a sex addict.

Wife gave ultimatum, treatment asap, new less stressful line of work or cut back drastically, or else. He wouldn’t comply so she called firm.

The firm called in the sec., for an investigation. Secretary said I’m not sure but he does disappear every day, for hours.

All of this to say. I think you know deep down your DH is hiding a big secret, one that brings him great shame.

Those undies and toys are being shipped to your house because $20-50 an hour pros, while cheap enough to indulge in every day, don’t usually have fixed addresses or mailboxes.

No shade here, let the man get his kink on, but sooner or later he will get tired of hiding and then what are you going to do when it’s in your face?

Your future dignity is ringing the alarm bells. This isn’t security or comfort it’s a ticking time bomb. Get the proof, take advantage of his shame while he still has some and push him out the door in a way that tilts in your favor.

Ain’t nobody got time to read that wall of words.

I would just start opening all Amazon packages

In every marriage, there is a season of pathetic marriage. Some more pathetic, some less pathetic.

If you can weather that and at least one person is kind, then the marriage revives when that season is over.

The fact that your DH does chores, wants to remain married, roots for you and loves the child is actually enough. The fact that you are not saying that there is Abuse/Addiction/Adultry in your marriage - is a great sign.

No advice here, but you're a great writer.

I’m sorry, OP.

Do you think your husband might be gay?

NP here. I don't remember this thread, but holy cow, it hit home. In my case, he was sleeping with men (but also me -- now claims he's bi) and had a crossdressing kink. At first I thought that meant he must be trans, but he truly just seems to get turned on for his gay sex by wearing women's clothing, which makes him feel pretty, which makes him feel horny. We divorced.

However, we got along so well day to day. Now I've shacked up with my very hot boyfriend who is also very noncommunicative, refuses to see doctors, and seems to despise me 80% of the time. So the only difference between us is you got two for the price of one, high five.

Anonymous wrote:OP how are you doing?

Bumping this thread too. I remember it well and hope the OP followed through on that STI testing at an absolute minimum.

OP how are you doing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he ordered them for a larger lady and uses the $ex toys with her? Unless, the toys are pro$tate stimulators…

Or to send to those women who will dress up online for you.

Regardless, you sound like a shell if whoever you once were.

That cannot be a healthy home to model for your child. Please please persist in your quest for therapy. Find a way out, so you have a home that is happy and safe. Does not matter if it is smaller, or furnished more sparsely.

You need to start living again, because your child will learn how to live by watching you.

This really hit home. You are absolutely correct. There is a lot I am doing to model following one’s dreams and goals on some levels, but I hate that this is the example of love and marriage that our child is growing up with.