The posts I saw from OP are carefully gender-neutral. And it’s so beside the point.

OP, let me join the chorus of people saying your spouse is not serious about wanting to stay married if they are still in contact with the AP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of "he needs to do x" posts in this thread, the OP is the DH though.

Rhe spouse's gender/orientation don't matter. The advice still applies.

Agreed but all of the posts saying "he" is horrible, look stupid.

Why on earth would you go back when he’s not willing to stop contact? He’s putting AP first again. Keeping you on the back burner.

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of "he needs to do x" posts in this thread, the OP is the DH though.

Rhe spouse's gender/orientation don't matter. The advice still applies.

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of "he needs to do x" posts in this thread, the OP is the DH though.

So his wife is the whore?

There are lots of "he needs to do x" posts in this thread, the OP is the DH though.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As another PP pointed out, most of the details don't really matter and in the interest in maintaining anonymity, I'm not providing more details. 10:41, thank you for your reply because this is exactly what I need to continue reminding myself of. I definitely don't hear someone who is desperate for anything. Remorseful, sure. Committed to change? I'm not seeing it. Empathetic (towards me), nope.

To 14:35, no I absolutely do not want that. It has taken so much out of me that there's barely anything left. I feel like a shell.

They do not work together.

Do not reconcile he hasn’t done the work at all or proven he’s capable of any change my husband has an affair
My requirements

No contact
Open phone etc no passwords
Therapy for him weekly for 2 year minimum
Infidelity program - we did it with Idit Sheroni
Real remorse
family therapy
Weekly check ins- how are we doing etc
Real changes to the marriage/relationship


My marriage is better than ever but if he weren’t 100 percent plus committed to all of the above I’d have left

Please don’t accept anything less -
Huge hugs

OP, just thinking of your title - “spouse wants to reconcile bu can’t go no contact”.

I was extremely confused by similar. behavior from husband - begging me to stay with him, but at the same time still secretly seeing other women.

In retrospect, I think he begged me to stay because he didn’t want to be the bad guy. He preferred to string me along to maintain appearances before others. When I, after catching him several more times in various states of contact with other women, finally kicked him out, I was then the bad guy. He told all his relatives that I asked him to move out.

watch your DH’s behavior more closely than his words. What he says is unimportant - what he does is the tell.

Op, just wanted to check on you. How are you doing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust me when I say if your cheater is still talking to their AP they still want to F that AP, and probably are.

I know as a cheater, not a cheated upon.

This. It took me a long time to learn and understand that men talk to you bc they want to f you.

What? The only time men talk to women is because they want to f them? News to me.

Live and learn.

This is an incredibly immature perspective to have. I am a man and I certainly hope every woman I speak to doesn’t think I want to F her.

This perspective was arrived at in middle age after much pain and years of thinking like you. I’m not talking about everyday conversations. When a man repeatedly wants to talk to you over time it is bc on some level he wants to f you. Even if he knows he never will.